Don't Say Goodbye
by DeanLittle67
Summary: After receiving devastating news, Rory and Logan must face this challenge together. Set in season 6
1. Chapter 1

She curled up on the couch, book in hand and blanket covering her. The apartment had been so empty without him since she went back. Her mom's house just not filling the void like it had used to. As much as she tried, knowing Luke and her mom's relationship was gone and then finding out her mom had slept with her dad the same day of the break-up didn't make her want to stay anymore. It had been about a month since she'd gone back, occasionally hanging out with Paris or Lane. But to be honest, she hadn't left the apartment besides those kinds of visits, and even then they usually came to her. Everyday she looked at the rocket, remembered the story behind it and smiled knowing that he'd come home to her.

Writing and reading were the two things that kept her mind busy enough to forget about Logan if only for a few minutes. It was working well enough when her phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered, continuing to read. The other line was quiet, and she could only assume it was Logan. "Hello?" she asked again, the person on the other line still quiet.

"Hey, Ace," he finally replied, voice soft, almost sad. "What're you up to?"

"Just reading. Isn't it like one in the morning over there right now?" She looked up at the clock, knowing she was right. It was nice to hear his voice, to know he was okay so far away.

"Yeah, but it's only nine where I'm at right now," he answered. She furrowed her brow, not quite understanding what he was saying. He was in the US, he was on the East Coast - or the midwest.

"Where are you?" She finally put the book down, and sitting up. He sounded like something was wrong.

"Home." The line went dead and she stood up as the door opened, Logan standing there, bags next to him. She looked at him like a deer in the headlights before she could finally wrap her head around it.

"Logan!" she finally said enthusiastically, practically running over to him and kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "You aren't supposed to be back yet." She pulled away, looking at him. His eyes said it all. She hadn't seen him so sad, so broken. "What's wrong?"

"We need to sit down and talk." He walked in, pulling her with him to the couch. At that point, she didn't know what to think. Was he breaking up with her? Was he telling her he moved on? She sat down while he paced back and forth, hands rubbing his eyes, going through his hair. He was fidgeting like she'd never seen him. He was acting like she'd never seen him.

"Logan, you're scaring me." He looked at her, really looked at her. She could see him scanning her like this was the last time he'd see her.

"I got sick when I was over there, like really sick. Sick enough for Mitchum to let me leave." He then avoided eye contact, going back to his pacing. "You know it started with me just being tired all the time, and we chalked it up to jetlag. Then a couple weeks later, I couldn't eat without vomiting, so we just thought I had a stomach bug."  
"Logan," she stood, taking his hands in hers to keep him from moving. "How sick are you now?"

"Ace, I have cancer."


	2. Chapter 2

"Cancer?" she repeated, hoping she had misheard. She had to have misheard. Logan - her Logan - could not have cancer. He had stopped pacing and looked at her. "You. You can't have cancer. You're twenty-three, you're healthy, you've never had any major health problems." She took a deep breath. "So. We'll get you to the doctors. It's not like you can't afford the best in the country, you can. So we'll get you to them, and we'll get you better. You have to get better." She wrapped her arms across her stomach, then started wiping away tears.

"Hey," he said, trying to calm her down. He took her in his arms, stroking her hair. "I'll be fine," he tried reassuring her, but she knew that it was a lie. He wasn't going to be okay. He was dying. They stood there for a few more minutes until she pulled away. She looked at him as she tried to memorize his face, and he gave her a small smile.

"So, what do we do now?" she finally asked, breaking the silence between them. They both sat on the couch, and he sighed.

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at Johns Hopkins. I'm stage three, so there aren't a lot of options for me, but we're gonna try and come up with a plan of some sort." He took her hands in his, thumbs running over the backs. She wasn't sure what to think. He was dying and there was nothing she could do. All of this was out of their control and it terrified her.

"What're you thinking Ace?" She shook her head, trying to gather her wandering thoughts enough to express her concerns. But all that happened were more tears. "Don't be sad, Rory. Please don't cry," he urged, wiping her tears away.

"I can't lose you, Logan." He nodded, and she knew he understood. If she was scared of losing him, surely he was scared of dying. There was no reason to not be. He just smiled before kissing her.

"You can't get rid of me that easy, Ace." After his reassurement, she was able to smile despite the brick in her stomach. They were supposed to have their whole lives ahead of them - together. She had never thought of marriage, not seriously. Could she see herself with Logan in five? Ten? Fifteen years? Of course she could, but now she'd be lucky to make it another year.

She wanted to memorize every inch of him, from the scar above his eyebrow to the scars across his stomach from his Costa Rica stunt. She wanted to know how his muscles moved, how he smiled, how he walked and talked and laughed. She knew she had it all memorized, but she had to be sure. She had to know she wasn't going to forget him.

"We'll go to my doctor's appointment, we'll get it figured out. Don't miss me when I'm still here," he said, wrapping her in his arms. Her head rested on his shoulder as she clung to him. He was there, he was still with her. She had to remember that.

That night, they were gentle, caring. She knew he was memorizing her also. She knew he was scared even if he didn't admit it. She could tell by the way he caressed her face, held her hands, kissed her softly. She could tell by the way he was gentle and soft and caring the entire time, and as they laid with each other - her head on his chest - she listened to the sound of his heart and his breathing as he drew patterns on her side.

The next morning, she was woken by Logan tossing and turning. The sheets were soaking wet, his hair drenched and the sheets were tangled around his ankles. She sat up, shaking him awake gently. His eyes shot open before he relaxed again, looking around him.

"Did I wake you?" he asked, sitting up. She saw him examine the bed, see the sheets and the layer of sweat on his skin. "Shit."

"It's okay," she assured him. "Take a shower, I'll change the sheets." He just nodded, pulling on his boxers before making his way to the bathroom. She stood, grabbing a nightgown from the dresser before stripping the bed and tossing the sheets in the hamper. For a moment, she stood standing at the hamper and all she could think about was that this was the rest of her life. She was going to be taking care of Logan, going to be changing the sheets when he soaked them, holding the bucket when he vomited. She was going to be the one person who saw what the cancer was going to do to him in its entirety and it terrified her.

She didn't know if she was strong enough to watch him waste away. She didn't know if she was going to be able to have his lawyer read his will while the room wore black. She didn't know if she was going to be able to lower a casket into the ground while his parents cried despite not caring enough to be there for him in his life. She knew it was morbid, she knew it was so far away, but it was her new reality.

She shook those thoughts from her mind before putting new sheets on the bed. Then, she sat down. Those thoughts still swirled in her head, and she wasn't sure what she was going to do with them. They were obviously there and weren't going to go away easily. She heard the shower turn off, knowing he was going to be back out momentarily. She'd bring up those concerns another day. This day was going to be his doctor's appointment, it was going to focus on him.

"You okay?" she asked as he walked back over. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked exhausted. He just nodded, laying back down. She laid with him, his arms holding her close. She felt him kiss the top of her head and she smiled.

When she woke again, it was to the alarm. He had curled onto his side and she knew he was out like a light. She turned off the alarm and stood up to get dressed. She figured it would be okay to let him sleep a little longer. She pulled on a pink blouse and a pair of jeans with some tennis shoes. When she was dressed, she gently shook him awake.

"Logan, it's time to get up," she said softly. He opened his eyes and she could tell he was exhausted. "We have to get to your appointment." She had pulled up the email from his father telling him what time the jet would leave from New Haven and when to arrive at Ronald Reagan. He sat up slowly, blinking a couple times.

"I have your bag packed, all you have to do is get dressed," she told him. He just nodded and stood up, swaying slightly.

"I'm good," he told her as she reached out to steady him. She knew she didn't need to, knew he could steady himself just fine. But she felt like she had to. She felt obliged to. And it bothered her. She knew she shouldn't feel that way, but she did.

The drive to the airport and the plane ride led up to this. They sat in the office of Dr. Max Martinez. He held onto her hand, grip tight, as they listened to Dr. Martinez go on about the options and the outcomes.

"You have what's called Stage 3 S Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Pretty much, we found the cancer in a majority of your lymph nodes and in your spleen. You do have a few different options. Obviously, chemotherapy and radiation are options. We can do a splenectomy and hope that it delays the spread of the cancer. But in all honesty, we're looking at two to three years, Mr. Huntzberger. There's only around a thirty-five percent chance of making it to the five-year mark." She took a deep breath. Two to three years? That's how long she had left with him? The next sixty years she'd planned in her head had been cut down to two or three years.

"Umm," he looked at her and she could see the fear in her eyes. She knew she was afraid, but she didn't realize until that moment how afraid he was. He was facing his mortality. He wasn't that indestructible person who had done so many crazy things. He wasn't that person who jumped off a cliff in Costa Rica, failed miserably, but survived to tell the tale. No, he was the man that was going to die before he reached thirty, before he made something of himself, before he had a true family.

"I know it's a lot to digest. I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes and I'll come back and see where we're at." Dr. Martinez left, and she looked at him.

"Logan," she said quietly. "It's going to be okay." At that point, his fear shifted into something she hated seeing.

"Okay? It's going to be okay? Rory, it's not okay!" he practically yelled. She brought both her hands to her lap. "I'm going to die, Rory, and all you can say is that it will be okay? How? How is it okay?" She took a deep breath and she saw him do the same. "I'm going to die, Ace," he said again, voice quiet. The anger that was there was now replaced by sadness. "What am I going to do?"

"You're going to fight to be that thirty five percent. You're going to fight to have the life you deserve. You're going to do everything you can to beat this." She knew it was false hope, but it was hope nonetheless. "You're going to stay as long as you can." He just nodded. She knew his mind wasn't all there and she wanted to know what he was thinking.

"I'm going to do it all. I'll do the radiation and the chemo and the surgery." Even though he was saying it, she was concerned. She didn't want him saying it just because that's what she wanted to hear. "Ace, I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

The details had been smoothed over with the doctor and within two weeks, Logan was starting the first round of his chemo and radiation. However, the following weeks were the worst. It all started a few days after his third round of chemo.

It was wearing him out, she could see it in the way he talked, the way he moved, the way he slept. Half the time, he'd be up for three hours before sleeping for another six. Add that to the almost constant vomiting, it was no wonder he slept a majority of the time. And while he slept, she watched him, never out of the room for too long in case he needed something. It was wearing her out too.

"Ace," he croaked from the bed. She looked over as he sat up. His skin was pale and sweaty and she could tell he was going to be sick. Before she could do anything, he had leaned over the bed and emptied the contents of his stomach into the bucket. The bucket had been an idea after the third round of vomiting after chemo because she couldn't always get it in time. This way, it would always be there. She stood up, taking him a glass of water.

"You okay?" He just nodded. She sat next to him, gently cupping his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he seemed smaller. She knew the fact he couldn't keep anything down contributed to this, but it worried her. "Are you going to be okay when I go to class?" He just nodded again. She had already set it up to where Finn and Colin were going to be over when she was at class.

When the two had arrived, she'd left with a kiss on his cheek and him telling her he loved her. Every time she left, she was always afraid it was going to be the last time she saw him. She knew it was irrational, but it was there. The constant knowing that the guillotine was above their heads.

It was her second class of the day, Economics with her grandfather, that her phone buzzed. She ignored it, continuing to pay attention to the lecture when her phone buzzed again and again until she couldn't ignore it anymore. She hated having to leave a lecture, hated having to take a phone call in the middle of class, but it must have been important if the unknown number continued to call. She stood, walking out into the hallway.

"Hello?" she asked as she looked back in to see Richard continuing the lecture.

"Rory, it's Colin. We're at New Haven Medical Center." Two sentences and she knew it was about Logan. She hung up, not waiting to hear the story, and entered the classroom in a haste, grabbing her items and practically running out of the building. Gilmore's did not run, but she ran.

On the drive, she called her mom. "Hey, kiddo," her mom answered. She could hear Paul Anka in the background.

"Mom, it's Logan. I just got a call from Colin saying they were at the hospital. Mom, what do I do?" She knew she was speeding, she didn't care. All she needed was her mom to tell her what to do.

"Hun, do you know what happened?" She answered with a weak 'no.' She hadn't waited that long, her one instinct to get there as fast as she could. "All you can do is be there like you've been the past month. It'll all be fine." In that moment, she knew how Logan felt at the doctor's appointment. Despite her mother's assurance it would be fine, she knew it was far from it. Logan was in the hospital. She had seen him that morning, nothing out of the ordinary, but now he was in the hospital and she didn't know why. How could she have been so stupid to not ask why? What if it was nothing? But also, what if it was serious?

She parked the car and got out, rushing into the ER. "I'm looking for Logan Huntzberger," she said to the receptionist.

"Are you family?" she asked in response. She had been through this before after his accident in Costa Rica, but this time she wasn't even allowed to see him?

"For the love of God!" she almost yelled. "I've sat with him every round of chemo so far. I'm the one who is there for him day and night, the one who has seen him so sick he can't stand up, the one who was there when he was told how long he has left to live and I can't see him?" The nurse looked shocked, but she knew it was hospital policy.

"I'm sorry." Rory rolled her eyes.

"Where are the two that brought him in? Colin McCrae and Finn. Finn's the Australian who hits on every woman he sees and is probably drunk right now." The nurse just looked at her, and she sighed. "Never mind." She pulled out her phone dialing Finn's number.

"Hello, Love," he said. His voice was soft, and she could hear the sadness.

"I'm in the ER, but they won't let me see him because I'm not family. Where's he at?"

"Room 107. Left at the nurse's station, third door on the right." She hung up, following the directions until she stood in front of the door. She saw Logan lying there in the hospital bed, Colin and Finn sitting on either side of him. He looked peaceful for the first time since his diagnosis. His chest rose and fell, he wasn't tossing or turning like he usually did. For a second she wanted to believe he was fine, that he wasn't sick. But the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor and the IV told her otherwise.

"What happened?" she asked softly, walking into the room. Colin stood, allowing her to sit next to him. She took his hand in hers, running circles over the back of his hand with her palm.

"He stood up to get water, despite our assurance we'd get it for him. The next minute he was on the ground unconscious." She nodded, looking at Logan again. She could see a bruise starting to form on his cheekbone. He had probably hit his head on the way down.

"Ms. Gilmore," Dr. Martinez said as he walked in.

"Thank you for coming, Dr. Martinez. I know I'm not family, but I didn't know anybody better to come in than his doctor." The man nodded, looking at the chart and looking at the monitors.

"Has he been vomiting a lot?" She thought about it, already knowing the answer.

"He can't keep anything down for more than four hours. We tried the yogurt and toast and rice, and I've been hounding him about drinking water, but nothing stays down." He nodded again, looking at the chart.

"They've got him on an IV drip to try and balance out the electrolytes. Pretty much, he's been so sick that his body's natural balance of salt and electrolytes has been changed tremendously. When this happens, it's usually also accompanied with dehydration. I'm going to prescribe an anti-nausea medication called Zofran. If it continues, however, we need to look at different options. His body's weak enough as it is, adding dehydration on top of it can be extremely dangerous." She took it all in, and she blamed herself. She should have called Dr. Martinez earlier, or taken him to the hospital earlier.

"I'll see you at his next appointment. If you have any questions, you know how to reach me." And with that, he walked out. She held back the tears, trying to be strong for him.

"I'll go get coffee," Colin said softly, walking out of the room, leaving Finn and Rory with Logan.

"You can't blame yourself," Finn told her. "It comes with the territory. You can't save him from everything." She knew he was right.

"I've been trying to keep it together for him, Finn. I've gone to every doctor's appointment, to every round of chemo and radiation. I've sat up with him while he gets so sick, and I've sat up while he sleeps to make sure he makes it through the night. I'm so scared, Finn, and I can't tell him." For the first time since his diagnosis, she allowed herself to cry. She had been putting on a mask that hid everything from everybody. She hadn't even told her mom these things, afraid her mom would tell her things she didn't want to hear.

"Rory," Finn said, pulling her from her thoughts. "We all know you're scared. We are too. But hiding it from Logan never ends well. There's going to be the day - God I hope long from now - that we're going to lose him. And you'll think back to this and wish you had told him everything, and that you were happy with him while he was here. Not scared and hiding your emotions. Even if you don't know it, I know he knows. He picks up on that, especially when it's you. Be honest with him." She had never known Finn to hold so much wisdom, but apparently he did. "It's worth being able to comfort each other than to have the entire world on your shoulders, Rory."

After their little heart to heart, Colin returned with the worst coffee in the world. She had grown to disdain the watered down beans they tried to pass off as coffee, and that was saying something considering how much she loved coffee. But she drank it because it was better than nothing. She sat by his bedside for four hours before Colin and Finn took off, leaving her alone. Alone with her thoughts wasn't a good thing, so she did the one thing she thought could make it better.

"I know you're asleep, so I know you probably won't hear any of this. But it's worth a shot anyway. If I can say it to you now, I hope I can say it to you later when you're awake. I'm scared Logan. I'm scared of losing you. When I got the call from Colin, all I could think of was not wanting to lose you." She took a breath. "I've been trying to be strong for you. It's you who's dying, not me, but I still can't bear the thought of being without you. I had all these images from thirty or forty years down the line in my head that have been cut down to three. Three years? How am I supposed to have a life with you in three years? What am I going to do when you're gone?" She took another breath. "I feel bad, I feel selfish. You're the one who should be afraid, not me. But I'm so scared to lose you. I'm scared to go back to a life without you."

It wasn't long after her one-sided conversation that Logan woke up. She could see his confusion as he sat up.

"You had us worried, Sleeping Beauty," she said softly, leaning forwards towards him. He gave her a small grin - a hint at who he was before everything had happened.

"What happened?" he asked, looking at her. She smiled, taking his hand in hers.

"Dehydration from being sick all the time," she told him. "They have an IV to get you hydrated again and Dr. Martinez is putting you on an anti-nausea to see if it helps." He nodded. "You scared me. Colin called in the middle of my econ class. I was glad it was Grandpa who was teaching because I don't think anybody else would have been okay with me leaving in the middle of it."

"I'm sorry I made you miss classes, Ace." She shrugged. Did she hate missing class? Yes. But it made it a little bit better that it was an emergency.

"It's okay," she reassured him. With that, she sighed softly and he looked at her. She knew he knew something was wrong, and despite having told him earlier, she didn't know if she could tell it to him all over again.

"Rory," he said softly as she started to cry. For the first time, she let him see what she was feeling. But she also knew Finn was right. Logan had known about her fears longer than she had. "It's okay," he told her as she leaned onto the bed and he stroked her hair. "It's going to be okay." She wished she could believe those words, but she knew it wasn't going to be okay. It was far from okay. She was going to lose him. And there was nothing she could do.


	4. Chapter 4

They walked into the apartment, both quiet. He had been in the hospital for three days before they released him. In those three days, they hadn't said a word to each other. She was too afraid to tell him those fears, too afraid that she'd push him away. And she knew that's why he hadn't said anything to her either. She knew he was afraid of what was in her mind. As they sat on the couch, she turned to face him.

"I love you." Three words that broke her heart more than anything else. She didn't know how to respond. Normally, it would be an 'I love you too.' But it was met with silence as she felt the lump rise in her throat. She couldn't cry. Not again. She had to be strong. "You've got to talk to me," he then told her. "It's against the Gilmore handbook to not rant when something's wrong." His joke made her smile, but she also knew that to an extent it was true.

"I'm scared, Logan," she finally admitted. It was different telling Finn, not as true. Telling Logan solidified the fear, made it truly real. "I thought of all these things that we could be and do together for years to come. And now, I think that tomorrow could be the last day. I know they said you'd be lucky to make it three years, and I know I shouldn't think that you'll be gone tomorrow, but when I got that call from Colin." She looked at him, distraught. "When I got that call from Colin, I thought that I was going to lose you. And I know that every call I get when something happens, I'm going to think I'm going to lose you. And I shouldn't be feeling this way, Logan. You should be the one that's afraid, not me. I'm not the one who's dying! But Finn said something that made me realize that it's okay to be scared. We might lose you, and we need to cherish every moment. Neither of us needs to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders." After her rant she looked at him, looked in his eyes.

"Rory," he said softly. "I love you. And I'm scared too. You have to think of a life without me, and I have to think of not getting to live my life with you. Honestly, the only reason I agreed to the chemo and the radiation and all this pain was to be able to have as long with you as I can. I've thought about my future - our future. And to know I won't have that…" He shrugged, but she could tell it hurt him. They shared the same fears, just different perspectives.

"Who knew Finn could be right when sober?" she asked, causing them both to laugh. This lightened to mood a little bit, but the fears were still there. She knew they were something that they'd discuss time and time again now that it was out in the open. But they didn't need to discuss it all the time.

"Let's have a get-together next week. You and me, obviously," he said with a smile, "and invite your parents, Josh and Honor, Colin and Finn, Lane and Zach, Paris and Doyle. A little dinner party. Make the best of the time we have."

"I'd like that." He kissed her softly and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She liked this, being able to be close. She knew those moments were limited.

The next morning, she woke up with the sheets drenched again. This had become a semi-regular thing, at least three times a week. He was still asleep, but he wasn't restless. She almost didn't want to wake him, but she knew that if she let him sleep like that, he'd get sick. Rather than letting him take a shower like normal, she drew him up a bath before walking back over to the bed.

"Logan," she said, shaking him gently. He stirred, looking around confused. "Go hop in the bath. I'll change the sheets." He shook his head before standing up and walking to the bathroom. She hated seeing him like that.

Once the sheets were changed, she changed into a new pair of sweats and t-shirt. She could hear him getting out of the tub, and it made her relax just a little bit. Thinking back to his get together idea, she drew up some simple invitations with a date and time for the next week, putting names and addresses on them. She could simply call everybody, but this was easier. This allowed her less time on the phone and more time with him. She put stamps on all of them, and piled them so that she could mail them the next time she left the apartment.

"Hey," he said, towel wrapped around his waist. She looked at him, looked at the changes. He had lost weight, no doubt from being sick all the time. He was paler, moved slower, walked different. But he still held his head high, still walked with pride and accomplishment. He was still her Logan.

"Feeling a bit better?" she asked as he sat next to her on the couch. He just nodded as he rested his head on her shoulder. She knew he was still tired. He was always tired. "I've set it up for next Wednesday. I figured it would be better to do it before your next round." She had gone over their schedules meticulously when she tried to figure out a date. She had classes in the mornings and early afternoons, and he had his next round of chemo on Thursday with radiation on Friday. She knew her mom would be too busy on Monday, and Hep Alien had band practice on Tuesdays, so Wednesday was the only viable option.

"Love you," he mumbled. He was falling asleep. Gently, she stood up, pulling him up with her and walking over to the bed. He laid down and she sat next to him, running her hands through his hair. God, she'd miss this.

It was something they'd actually talked about during his first round of chemo. He was debating on whether or not to go ahead and shave his head. "I don't want to wake up one day with chunks falling out," he had told her. "It makes it too real at that point." She loved his hair. But she knew it was his choice. After talking about it as he sat in the hospital chair, he'd decided not to shave it - not yet at least. She was all for him shaving his hair. Despite loving his hair, she knew this decision was his and not hers. He'd decided to wait, and she knew a part of him hoped he'd be one of the lucky ones who didn't lose it. However, he did say that at the first sign of losing his hair, it was going to go.

She sat there, mindlessly running her hands through his hair as he slept. She could see the rise and fall of his chest, and she knew he was there for that much longer. A part of her hoped she could go a day without the thought of losing him, but she never wanted to take him being there for granted. You can see the same person a thousand times, but only see them once. She didn't want that to happen.

After sitting there a little while longer, she stood up. She had to get to class, but she didn't want to leave him. He'd be mad if she missed class again though, and she knew she'd see her grandfather on campus that day so she could get the notes from the part of the lecture she'd missed. She wrote a quick note for Logan when he woke up, setting his medications out for him, and grabbing the invitations to mail on the way.

Once on campus, she stopped by her grandfather's office. "Hey, Grandpa," she said cheerfully as she walked in. He looked up from the paper with a smile. "I was wondering if you had notes on the rest of the lecture from yesterday?"

"Of course I do," he responded, setting the paper down. "Might I ask what was so important that you had to leave in the middle of the lecture?" She had told him that Logan had been sick, but she never delved into the full details until this moment.

"I got a call from Colin - Logan's friend. He had fallen and it was pretty bad. I know I told you Logan was sick, and he is… But he's dying Grandpa," she finally said, seeing his face change to a more solemn look. "He has cancer."

"I'm sorry, Rory," he responded, wrapping his granddaughter in a hug. She reciprocated before they pulled away. "If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask." And she knew it was true. She knew her grandfather would always be there for her, especially considering they got along much better than her and her grandmother. The shared interest in travel and literature allowed them to have a unique bond. He grabbed his notes from the previous day and handed them to Rory.

"Thanks, Grandpa," she said, hugging him one more time before going to class. After sitting through two lectures and two hours at the newspaper, she was ready to go home and spend the rest of the night with Logan. While on her walk back, she pulled out her phone and called her mom.

"Hey, kiddo. What's up?" her mother asked in the chipper tone that was Lorelai Gilmore.

"Not much, just got done with classes and heading back to the apartment. Saw Grandpa today. You won't believe what Paris did today…" Their conversation continued until Rory brought up the upcoming dinner.

"I hope you can make it, Mom. It would mean a lot to me if you did." It was true. Despite her mother's lack of fondness towards Logan, she wanted them to try and find some equal ground. She wasn't going to choose between them, and she didn't want to have to hide them from each other either.

"I'll be there. Tell Logan 'hi' for me, give him a hug." Rory smiled. She knew a part of it was his current situation. It was typically frowned upon to hate somebody with cancer, even more so when it was your daughter's boyfriend. They said their goodbyes before hanging up.

She walked into the apartment, looking around. Logan was still in the same spot he was when she left, looking like he hadn't moved. His medications were still sitting on the counter with the bottle of water. He still had a towel wrapped around his waist. A part of her wanted to wake him up, but the other part wanted to let him sleep.

She sat on the couch, pulling out her reading materials for her classes. Schoolwork was a nice distraction from everything. Homework for a couple classes, an analysis for another. It was busy work. Occasionally, she'd glance over to Logan to make sure he was still breathing. Each time, she was reassured he was by the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He looked peaceful.


	5. Chapter 5

She had made sure everything was ready, despite Logan's constant assurance that none of them would care how the apartment looked. Lane had grown up in an antique store, Lorelai didn't know the definition of clean, and Zach was Zach. The rest may have grown up with maids, but that didn't mean that everything had to be spotless or that a t-shirt couldn't be lying in the corner of the living room. All their guests were low maintenance and really didn't care about appearances. They cared about her and Logan.

Her mother and Chris were the first to arrive. She didn't understand Logan's desire for both of her parents to be there, but she enjoyed being with them. Despite their differences in the past, they were all at least on speaking terms. It was a relief to get to see them after a seemingly long time apart.

"Hey, Ror," her dad said as he walked in, hugging her before passing her off to her mom. Chris wasn't one for affection since their disagreement about him coming into her mom's life when things were getting settled, but she enjoyed the occasional affection from him.

"Hey, baby girl." She hugged her mom a little tighter. When they separated, her mom gave her a look of sadness. After Logan's accident, she talked to her mom more about the struggles they were facing. She told her mom about all her fears, about Logan's, about the changes that were happening. Her mom was beside her in all of this, knew more than anybody else. There were times she'd call her mom after Logan was asleep and tell her about her day, or about how Logan hadn't gotten sick that day. Sometimes it was to tell her that despite not being able to get out of bed, he had smiled. Occasionally it was to tell her he had made it through another night. Their conversations didn't revolve around Logan. School was brought up, as was Friday night dinners. Updates from Stars Hollow and Kirk's latest displays of weirdness were constantly brought up. Or Taylor's need for a grand festival for one reason or another.

"How you feeling, Logan?" her mom then asked, sitting on the couch across from the one Logan was sitting on. He shrugged as Rory sat next to him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. She knew he hated that question, but he also knew it was part of the territory of being sick.

"Better than yesterday, to be honest. But I know it's going to get worse in the next couple. Let's not talk about it now, though," he then said. He had been one to deter the topic away from him. At one point in their relationship, she would have questioned him about it. He was always one for attention.

"How's school, Ror," Chris then asked her. It was a generic topic, but a different one nonetheless.

"It's going good. I just can't wait until finals are here and over with. For once, I'm excited to have some time off." She knew they understood. Everything that had been going on had overloaded her. She was trying to constantly juggle school and assignments and appointments and hospital visits. Not to mention studying and essays and papers that had to get done. Then, she had to find time to eat and sleep and make sure Logan was comfortable and okay. It was exhausting.

The small talk continued as the others showed up in pairs. First was Lane and Zach who had taken an unfortunate wrong turn when following Chris and her mom, making them take an unfortunate detour. Then came the two hooligans, Colin and Finn. They'd had just enough time to warn Lane and Zach of the craziness that would accompany his best friends, but not enough to warn them of the alcohol the two would be bringing - and they did not disappoint. Paris and Doyle showed up bickering. Paris still didn't understand the need to exchange pleasantries with people she barely knew just to satisfy her and Logan. However, once entering the apartment, Paris had mellowed out significantly. It was most likely the mixture of Rory and Lorelai being there, having been a surrogate family for Paris for years. Last came Honour and Josh, profusely apologizing for their tardiness. It didn't matter to them though, because their family was here now. It may have not been by blood, or by choice, but it was theirs and it contained so much love.

The tenseness in the room slowly dissipated as they all sat around eating the take-out that had been ordered, a mixture of Thai, pizza, and Chinese to satisfy everybody's different tastes - although it was a Gilmore spread to begin with. It seemed right, all of it. She looked around the group, seeing everybody smiling and chatting - Finn drinking obviously. It felt like they'd done this a thousand times before, laughing and joking. Even for those few short hours, it seemed like everybody forgot about why they were there, about the impending tragedy. Even she did for a while.

Eventually, the talking died down and she looked at Logan who had a radiant smile on his face. He was gorgeous, and he caught her eye. A moment of true happiness.

"It means a lot to me that you all came," he finally said, addressing the room at that point. "It's nice to be able to forget for a while, to be able to just be. You all mean a lot to me, to us," he said, referring to Rory. "We wouldn't be where we are now without all of you." She saw Honour and Logan share a look. Finn and Colin looked at each other as well. It was as if in that moment, everybody was truly acknowledging each other, remembering their connections and roots and relationships. It was the moment everybody realized that although they may not have known each other long - especially given Lane and Zach having just met everybody that night - they were all connected, all a part of an odd but loving family.

"I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Ace here." She smiled. "She's saved my ass more times than I can count. From taking care of me after Costa Rica, to putting me in my place when I fucked up so many times. Pushing me to be my best and supporting me through everything that's happened and is happening. You amaze me. Everyday, everything that you do, everything that you are. Being with you, I learned that I don't know a whole lot more than I thought I knew. What I'm trying to say is, I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you, and I want to be with you, no matter how long that may be." She looked at him, tears in her eyes. He had a way with words. The room was silent as he pulled the small box out of his pocket.

"Logan," she said softly. She could see Honour beaming, her mother holding her father's hand. Colin and Finn looked defeated to an extent, but she could see their happiness. Lane was smiling, and Paris was Paris.

"Will you marry me?" He opened the box, revealing a simple band with one set diamond. She didn't know what to think. The topic of marriage had never come up between them besides that one night - the one night they confessed their plans would be cut short. Was he proposing just because he was dying? She knew that wasn't the case, but it felt like it for a split second.

"Yes." One word that would change her life. One answer that would change everything. He smiled, kissing her softly before slipping the ring on her finger. It wasn't extravagant or a loud gesture. It was with their family, it was private and simple and perfect.

"I love you" he said again. For the first time since their conversation, for the first time in a week, she responded.

"I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, they both woke up early to get to the hospital for his next round of chemo. She knew he didn't look forward to it, and neither did she. But it gave her time to work on her school work while he slept through the treatment. It was something he'd figured out during his second. It was easier for him to sleep through the treatment because he knew he'd be lacking the sleep in the following days.

"I love you," she told him after the nurse had left, the IV having just started. He smiled before closing his eyes. She looked at him for a little longer. Dr. Martinez was thinking about putting in a central line since Logan's dehydration incident. There was always a huge risk of blowing a vein when they put the IV in, and a central line would be the more logical option. Logan had said he'd have to think about it.

She sat back, her books spread out on the table. Occasionally, she'd look up at him, sometimes when a nurse came in to check his progress and vitals. The treatment took forty-five minutes, and every time, it was the longest forty-five minutes of Rory's life. However, her studies were able to make it seem significantly less than it actually was.

It was around the five minutes left mark that he started to wake up. He used to wake up so easily, but now it seemed like the sleep was trying to smother him, covering him as he tried to claw his way out. She put down the highlighter, kneeling next to him and taking his hand. Slowly, as he came out of his sleep, he smiled, looking at her.

"How're you feeling?" she'd asked. This was the routine, their new normal.

"It tastes like I have a mouth full of pennies," he then told her. She kissed his hand as the nurse walked in, taking the IV out of his arm. They sat there for another fifteen minutes, looking at each other with smiles. She knew her knees were going to hurt, but that didn't matter. Once he was cleared to leave, she stood up and gathered her things before helping him up.

"Let's go home," she said. The drive back wasn't long. She typically didn't like driving the Porsche, but they knew he was in no shape to drive. Sometimes he was, and it was fine. But typically, when what they deemed 'metal mouth' set in, they knew he was going to be sick this time around.

"I love you," he told her, and she smiled as she parked the car in his designated spot in the building's garage. They got out of the car, and she grabbed her bag, before he looped his arm around her waist.

"I love you too, Logan," she replied, kissing him softly before they walked in the building and to the elevator. She looked at him, knowing it was only a matter of time before he got sick. She then looked at the ring when she saw his mind was somewhere else. It was gorgeous, simple. It was their relationship in one piece of jewelry.

"You hungry?" she asked as they walked into the apartment. He just shrugged, sitting on the couch. She smiled solemnly, knowing he was nauseated at that point. She made her way to the kitchen, heating up leftovers for herself and soup for him. It didn't take long before she was sitting next to him, handing him the bowl and a pill. "It's better you take it now while you can still keep it down."

"Yeah," he said softly. He popped the pill, taking a drink of water. "I hate this, Rory," he then told her. "I hate feeling nauseated all the time, and tired. I want to go back to being me." She understood. She missed his normal self too, but it was different. Logan hated that he had to change, hated that he was forced to change. "I want to be able to hang out with the guys like I used to, without having to cut a night short. I want to be able to be with you in every way without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I want to be able to walk with you to your classes or surprise you with coffee outside the newsroom."

"I know," she replied. "I miss it all too. I miss your humor and snark. I miss coming home to you playing pool with Colin and Finn. I miss those surprise visits. But I know what I miss and what you miss are completely different." He looked at her, puzzled. "It's different missing someone and missing yourself. But there's going to be a time where you're back to yourself, and then it'll be back to normal." She knew that last statement was more of hope than fact. He just smiled before turning on the news and starting on his soup. It took her a minute before she mustered up the ability to eat, his words still ringing in her head. But there was nothing she could do. She couldn't bring back the old Logan, and by trying she knew she was going to do more harm than good.

When they had finished eating, she took their plates to the kitchen. He curled up on the couch, draping a blanket over himself and letting himself fall asleep. She looked at him from the counter, tears rolling down her cheeks. God, she missed him. Quietly, she turned off the TV before making her way to the balcony, shutting the door behind her. There is where she allowed herself to break down before calling her mom. She slid down the wall, facing the city as she sat on the ground.

"Hey, hun. What's up?" she asked, chipper. All Rory could do was cry as her mom threw questions left and right. "Are you okay? Is Logan okay? Do I need to drive down there? Do I need to call Paris?" She answered each one as her breathing subsided.

"He had another treatment today," she told her mom. "He could tell is was going to be a bad reaction as soon as he woke up from his nap during it. Metal mouth." Her mom just 'oh'-ed, Rory having told her before that it typically meant he was going to have a bad reaction. "After I heated up dinner, he told me he misses who he used to be and I just told him he'd get better. Mom, what if he doesn't? What if he's never the 'old' Logan?"

"Oh, honey," her mom said, tone calm and sweet. "I can't say he'll ever be not sick. I can't predict the future. He may never be one-hundred percent his old self. What I can tell you is that there will be days he's back, there's going to be days where he won't. You just have to take it a day at a time. Make the most of it all. He loves you, kid."

"I know. I just…" she looked at the ring again.

"He didn't propose just because he's dying. Before he went to London, he stopped by. He asked me for my blessing, kiddo." This fact made her smile. "He truly wants to be with you. It's not going to be forever like he originally had hoped, but it's going to be his forever."

"I love you, mom." Lorelai always had a way to cheer her up, or take her mind off of it.

"Now that things are a little more settled, do you want to hear what Michel did today?" After finishing their conversation, Lorelai asked one more question.

"When do you want to go dress shopping?" This made her cheer up a little bit more. She hoped that delving into the wedding planning would heighten everybody's moods.

"I'll call you back when I have an idea. Thanks again, Mom." They hung up and she stood up, walking back inside. He was still sound asleep, and she didn't want to wake him. Instead, she sat on the couch and curled into him, allowing sleep to overtake her as well.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry about the delay in updates. I just want to thank you all for the reviews, it means a lot and keeps me motivated! In response to a couple, you will be seeing the Huntzberger's and their reactions here soon. Also, to the guest who said they've gone through something like this before, that's one of the reasons I chose a topic like this. I've been through something similar also, and sometimes you have to write away that pain. I hope it does justice. Enjoy!

"Ace," he said softly, looking at her. She looked up from the book and smiled. He was sitting next to her on the bed, his arm wrapped around her shoulders as she read. They had gotten back from the hospital a few hours earlier, this round taking more out of him than it typically did. He had slept the entire ride home and had been asleep since he'd laid down in bed. She'd curled up next to him and read just to be close to him.

"Hey," she said, kissing him gently. It had been a little over a month since her talk with her mom on the balcony. She'd taken it one day at a time, and she was glad she had. A few days before his treatment, she'd come home from visiting her mom and saw him playing pool with the boys. It had been just like old times, and she smiled. Her mom had been right, there were days where things would feel normal again. But she was also right in the other aspect. There were days where it was anything but normal.

"I love you," he told her for the hundredth time that day. She knew he meant it, loved when he said it.

"I love you too. Think you're going to be up for visiting Stars Hollow tomorrow?" she asked. It was something they'd been planning to do for the last month, but since he'd just finished chemo that day, she wasn't sure how up for it he was going to be.

"Of course," he replied, kissing her temple. "Dr. Martinez was very adamant about me going places other than home and the hospital. He said it would do me some good." She was glad Martinez had talked to Logan about this. It wasn't that he couldn't go out and do things, but rather he wasn't in the mindset to do so. It pained her to see him just sitting around not doing things he normally would, not socializing like he should. She'd tried convincing him to go out with the guys or at least walk to the mailbox. He'd been adamant, refusing every suggestion she made. The only time he'd been around anybody but her was the get together they'd had.

She put her book down before curling into him, his arm tightening around her shoulders. Her gaze went to the window for a brief moment, snow falling gently. It caused her to smile. Her mom had always said snow brought luck and good fortune. She wanted to believe it, especially because he was done with the chemo and the radiation.

"I want to set a date," she then told him. It was something they'd put off until he was done, and now he was.

"Any ideas?" She thought about it for a moment before looking up at him. He kissed her softly before leaning his head on hers. She smiled as she answered.

"May twenty-ninth. A week after graduation." She felt him smile. She didn't want to get married before graduation, didn't want to have to worry about finals and a wedding. At the same time, she didn't want to wait too long after graduation. So, this was the middle-ground she had come up with. It was something she'd thought about since he proposed. It allowed her to keep her mind off everything for a few moments at a time.

She thought back to shopping with her mom the same day she'd come home to him, Colin, and Finn playing pool. The moment her eyes saw the dress, before she had even put it on, she knew it was the one for her. And she'd been right, even with trying on others afterwards. Her mind kept going back to the one dress. The dress was small in comparison to the rest of the wedding, but it seemed like such a big milestone. She looked up at him, his eyes having drifted shut and his breathing rhythmic. Rather than waking him up, she turned back to her book.

When she finished the chapter, she peeled herself away from him and grabbed their bags. It didn't take long for her to pack them accordingly, so she pulled on a jacket and walked out on the balcony, sitting in one of the chairs. As she looked out on the Old Campus, she couldn't help but smile.

Things could only look up from here. The lights of Old Campus shone brightly, the stars mimicking. She thought about the past couple months from him coming home to the hospital visits. She had been hesitant at first, worried he was going to break. But as the snow gently fell around her, she truly knew it was going to be okay. Her mom had always told her that the snow was a good omen, and he believed it to the fullest extent.

She finally decided to head inside once she started shivering. As much as she'd love to look out onto Old Campus, she'd rather not get frostbite. Once inside, she tossed the jacket onto the couch and made her way into the bathroom to take a warm shower. She glanced over at the bed, seeing that Logan was still asleep. A smile crept across her face before she shut the door behind her.

She stood in front of the sink, hands resting as she leaned into them as the shower warmed up. Her eyes drifted shut for a minute, and she didn't even tell he'd made his way into the bathroom until his arms wrapped around her waist. He gently kissed her neck and shoulder as she leaned into him a little more. She knew for sure things were going to get better.


	8. Chapter 8

She was woken the next morning by the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. She flopped her arm on his side of the bed, finding it empty and cold, meaning the noises were being made by him. It wasn't a surprise, but a part of her hoped Finn had snuck in again and had a hangover. She stood up, pulling on his shirt from the night before and making her way into the bathroom.

When she opened the door, she knew what she was supposed to see - Logan leaning over the toilet vomiting. What she didn't expect to see was the bright red that accompanied it. She pressed her palm to his back, feeling like she'd just touched a stove. This was not good, not good at all. There was no way she could get him downstairs without problems, so she did the one thing she could think off.

"911. What is your emergency?" the man said on the other line. She knelt next to him, his eyes drifting shut every couple minutes between the rounds of retching. His hair was matted to his forehead, skin pale.

"My fiance is vomiting blood," she said, voice on the brink of panic.

"Where are you located?" he then asked. She relayed the address, her hand cupping his cheek. "Has this ever happened before?"

"No, but he just finished his last round of chemo yesterday."

"Keep him awake, and stay on the line. Paramedics are on their way." She put the phone on speaker, setting it on the floor. He looked at her, dark rings under his eyes.

"Sorry we can't make it to Stars Hollow," he said softly. She chuckled a little bit. It was just like Logan to turn a situation like this into an apology for not visiting her mom.

"I don't care that we're not going to Stars Hollow. As long as you get better," she told him, kissing his cheek before he started heaving again. When he was done, he leaned his forehead on her shoulder, his body trembling. Softly, her fingers combed through his hair. They only parted when the heaving resumed, then returning to their positions.

It didn't take long for the ambulance to get there. She pulled on shorts as they started an IV and hooked him up to oxygen. She grabbed the phone and walked with them down to the ambulance while answering the usual questions: was he on any medications, what was his medical history, allergies, etc. She knew them all, responding without hesitation.

The ride to the hospital was uneventful - an outcome she was grateful for. She sat on one side of him as one of the paramedics sat on the other, monitoring his vitals. His blood pressure was low which was to be expected, his temperature was high which she had figured, but the part that worried her was his mind. He knew who he was and who she was but he didn't know the day. He didn't know the president, he didn't know what was happening, all things he'd known not even an hour before.

She sat in the waiting room, her phone still in her hand. She hadn't made the phone calls she needed to make, she just stared at the wall waiting to be told she could see him. She'd told them which doctor to call, told them to move him to a private room when he was admitted, told them she was his emergency contact. All this telling was one sided, they didn't know what was wrong yet and it worried her.

"Rory," Doctor Martinez said softly. She looked up at the man as he sat next to her. "His tests came back. The bleeding was caused by a tear in the esophagus most likely caused by the vomiting. The vomiting in turn was being caused by a bacterial infection." A bacterial infection? How had something so simple done so much damage? "With both the chemo and the radiation, his immune system was not working properly. Add that to the already compromised immune system caused by the cancer, it's honestly no shock. What's shocking is that this didn't happen much sooner."

"You're telling me that this was all caused by a minor illness?" she asked, still shocked by what he was telling her. He just nodded. "Where do we go from here?"

"We have him on antibiotics and an antiemetic to help with the vomiting. Now that we know for sure his immune system is compromised, we have to start taking more precautions. Start watching what he's eating - only the freshest foods, check the expirations on everything, avoid fast food. Keep away from crowds. At his next appointment, we're going to check his ANC to get an idea of how compromised his immune system actually is. He's going to be in here a few days, and we're going to do blood work around the clock to be able to compare next week." She muttered a thank you before he left. She continued to just sit there, not knowing what to do next. She could see him, that much was obvious. But she knew there were other things that she needed to do.

First, she called her mom and told her what was going on. The older Gilmore understood and would cover for Friday night dinner that night. Next, she called Colin and Finn to let them know their friend was back in the hospital. She knew having those two around would lift his spirits. Finally, she called Honor to let her know that Logan was back in the hospital. She was met with tears and promises that she'd be in New Haven within the hour. When she hung up the phone, she finally stood up and made her way to the nurses' station.

"I'm looking for Logan Huntzberger's room," she told the woman sitting at the desk. She was given directions, not met with hostility or claims she wasn't family. What she was met with at his room was another story.

"Mr. Huntzberger," she said softly. "What are you doing here?" This was the last thing she expected to see. Mitchum hadn't been to visit his son since the diagnosis. She wasn't even sure he'd spoken to Logan since he sent him home from London.

"I got a call from the hospital about an hour ago," he told her, "telling me that my son was admitted." She figured that was the case, but she still doubted it. "I know you think I'm hard on him, and I'll admit that I am. I haven't always been there, but we're on the same side here, Ms. Gilmore. We both want what's best for him, for him to pull through. He's still sleeping. Do you want to grab some coffee?" She agreed, allowing him to lead her to the cafeteria.

It hadn't been open long. She could tell by the atmosphere and the sluggishness of the kitchen staff - not to mention everything was still stocked, something she'd never seen. He let her sit as he went and grabbed two cups for them, handing her one as he sat.

"He was doing better," she said softly. "I know he doesn't want you to know what's going on, but he was doing better. I actually came home to him playing pool with Colin and Finn. It reminded me of everything before…Well, you know."

"I do know, Rory," Mitchum chimed in. "I was the first one to know of the diagnosis. I know it broke him, but he doesn't realize it broke so many others also." She looked at him confused. "You may not believe it, and he may not believe it, but I love my son."

"I know you do, but you have an odd way of showing it." There was a moment of silence between them. "He proposed. I don't know if he told you, or if Honor did, but he proposed. I said yes, not because of the situation. Not because of his money as Shira and Elias would like to believe. I said yes because I love him and want to show the world how much I love him. And I know you guys don't approve, and to an extent I can see why, but at the same time I wish you would let him be happy for once without interfering. Just let him be happy with the time he has left." She didn't meet his eye, didn't want to know what was painted on his face.

"How much time does he have left, Rory?" She glanced up at the man. This wasn't the same man who dragged Logan to London, the one who told her she didn't have it. This was a father worried for his son.

"They said he'd be lucky to make it three years, Mitchum. He's not going to be the heir you want him to be. If not for him or for me, but for you, let him be happy with his time. Be there for him and maybe you can have your son back before-" She didn't let herself finish the thought. "Thank you for the coffee, but I'm going to go check on Logan. Consider what I said."

As she walked away, she heard his voice. "Welcome to the family." She continued walking, letting the rest of the conversation be a battle for another day. Instead, she was focused on getting him better and getting him home.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I know this chapter and the last chapter have been shorter compared to earlier chapters. I promise you the next one will be less of a filler and more of a plot continue-er - if that makes sense. I hope it does. One of these lines I was inspired by from a comment, asking if I could have him buried alive. I hope you all enjoy, thank you for the reviews, and I hope to read more of them from you just like you hope to read more chapters from me.

It took six days before Doctor Martinez even thought about releasing Logan, and then another five to finally agree to it. It turned out that Logan's ANC was so low, his body had almost zero chance of fighting any infection. So, in those eleven days of his hospital visit, she was required to wear a mask, gloves, and - to top it all off - a sterile gown.

"I feel like a mummy," she told him as she sat in the chair next to his bed. His color had slowly been returning, and he smiled at her. It wasn't one of his 'I'm saying I'm fine but I'm really not' smiles. It was real, and that made her a little happier.

"You look like one too, Ace," he joked back, taking a sip of the water that was sitting on the tray-table. He took her gloved hand in his. "I love you."

"I love you too. Your dad wants us to stop by for dinner when you feel up for it. I did tell him that you'd never be up for it, willingly." He nodded with a smirk, knowing it was true. "So, he wants us two weeks after you're out. He's trying."

"I know he's trying but," he sighed, running his hand through his hair, "I hate that he's trying because he knows I'm dying." She understood his concerns, and she'd felt the same way to an extent. Her father had never been there for her, and she wished he had. She wished he'd been there for all the birthdays and holidays, but she only got him when he wanted to show up. Now, Logan's situation was slightly different and she knew that, but she saw the similarities. Both fathers wanted what was best and both showed up in their lives at times that suited themselves, not their children. But they'd made an effort, they'd tried to be there for their children. Wasn't that what fathers were supposed to do?

"Logan, be honest with me. Would you rather be on good terms while you can or would you like for Mitchum to continue to ignore you and push you to be the heir?"

"Rory, that's not fair," he told her. She could tell he was pissed off. His jaw was tight, brow furrowed, but it didn't matter. He knew she was right.

"I know it's not, but you also know I'm right," she replied. He mumbled a quiet 'yeah.' "Let's not argue about it, okay?" she then said softly. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him. It lessened the amount of good times she'd get to have with him. "You get to come home tomorrow," she reminded him, smiling behind her mask. She wished she could kiss him, could tear the robe and gloves and mask off, but she knew that if she did that he could get even more sick.

"I am," he said softly. She could tell he was in thought, and she wasn't sure what it was. She knew he'd tell her when he was ready, so she didn't push. "Do you believe in an afterlife?" he then asked her.

"I don't know what I believe. I want to believe we just stop existing, but at the same time," she trailed off, looking at him. He was staring off, not looking at anything as he spoke.

"It's terrifying to not know what's after this," he said softly. "To know that I'll cease to exist. I've spent my life defying death, and now here I am and it's caught up to me."

"Don't say that," she said, gloved hand caressing his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.

"I don't want to think that when I die I'm done. I want to think - to hope - there's something. I'm not religious, you know this, so I don't imagine the white light and God standing there. But I think of it more as reliving your life so that you'll never be without it. I'll get to relive every stunt with Colin and Finn, every moment with Honor, every moment with you." He kept his eyes closed, but his hand gripped her wrist of the hand that was on his cheek. It was almost as if he didn't know she was still there, or maybe it was to make sure he didn't slip away.

"I know you're scared," she said soothingly. "You'd be crazy not to be. But don't bury yourself alive," she told him. It was similar to what Finn had told her, to not grieve for him while he was still alive. "We can talk to Doctor Martinez, see if there's somebody you can talk to about this." He just shook his head, taking a deep breath.

"I'm just ready to go home," he finally said. He was getting to go home the next day, and Rory wasn't sure if she was quite ready. Ever since her talk with Doctor Martinez and Mitchum, she wasn't sure if she could handle everything that was required to keep him healthy.

Despite her concerns, the next day came and she was taking him home. The ride back was full of silence, his hand holding hers as if he'd get lost if he let go. She glanced over at him a couple times, only to see him staring out the window as the city went by. But once they walked into the apartment, his lips crashed into hers, not parting as her lungs screamed for air. And he was acting like she was his air, like she was the one thing that kept him from slipping away.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I promise that the next chapter will be lighter and less emotional. Thank you for the reviews!

"Do we have to go in?" he asked her yet again as she straightened his tie. It had been two weeks since he was released from the hospital, and in keeping with her promise to Mitchum, they were standing in front of the Huntzberger mansion waiting to ring the doorbell.

"Yes, we have to go in," she replied in a mocking tone. "It'll all go smoothly and things are going to be okay, and then we can go home and watch a movie. It's dinner, not the end of the world." She hated being the rational one, reminding her of Friday Night Dinners at the Gilmore house with her mother, always having to be the adult in the situation. Instead of waiting for a response, she rung the doorbell and he looked at her with a mixture of annoyance and adoration.

A maid answered the door, ushering them in and taking their coats. They could hear conversation from further in, and she looked at Logan. There was fear in his eyes as he slowly made his way through the halls, her hand firmly in his as he lead her. The house wasn't as daunting or as beautiful as it was the first time she'd been there. She'd learned to not let the riches distract her, to mesmerize her. His family didn't care that she could recognize the painting in the foyer or tell them the plots of over half the books in their library.

"Logan," Shira's voice called out as they walked into the parlor. He let go of her hand momentarily as his mother embraced him. She wondered if Shira had hugged either of her children on a regular basis, or if it was saved for certain occasions. "Have a seat." He took Rory's hand again, leading her to the couch as they both sat down. Mitchum handed both of them club sodas.

"I hear congratulations are in order," Elias said bluntly. "I guess Logan has decided to make this girl part of the family."

"Yes I have, granddad. I love her, she loves me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her." His thumb drew circles on the back of her hand as she squeezed his gently.

"And she said yes, I presume," Shira chimed in. "Did you say yes because of what he thinks of as love, or did you say yes because you know he's dying and just want to cash in on the fact." Rory shouldn't have been shocked, but she was.

"Shira, father, that is enough," Mitchum finally said. "They are happy. I know we've all had our differences in the past, but we need to accept this decision as it is and to not question it. We've spent so many years pushing Logan into the business or into relationships that were based solely on image, straining our relationship with him to the point we've lost sight of his own happiness. He deserves to be happy for as long as he has left."

"Dad," Logan said softly, looking between the three eldest Huntzbergers. She could tell Mitchum had taken her advice, but she wasn't sure what Shira or Elias' reactions would be. Both were in shock at what Mitchum had just said. Rather than saying anything, Elias just huffed and Shira stepped outside for what they all knew was a stress smoke. Mitchum just nodded at the two.

The rest of the dinner was relatively calm. Elias and Shira didn't say anything - something Rory assumed was a first. However, Mitchum asked so many questions and she could see Logan's demeanor change from tense to relaxed. He had asked how school for Rory was going, if they'd set a date for the wedding, how Logan was feeling. Then came the question neither was prepared for.

"Are you thinking about having children?" Rory looked at Logan, his facial expression changing yet again, this time into confusion.

"We hadn't really talked about it," Rory responded. "I'm still in school and Logan just got done with treatment." Mitchum just nodded, returning to the simpler questions and not drilling them for any more personal information. Throughout the dinner, she saw Logan glancing over at her and gently squeezing her hand.

"Thank you for the dinner, it was wonderful," Rory said as Mitchum lead them to the front door.

"Any time. And I do mean any time, Logan," he said, directing his statement towards his son. The two shook hands before parting, leaving Logan and Rory walking out to the car. He got in the driver's side and she in the passenger's side. He sat there a moment before starting the car and heading back to New Haven.

Half way back, he spoke. "Do you want kids, Rory?" His voice wasn't soft like it usually was, and she couldn't tell what was wrong.

"Pull over, Logan," she told hi. He obliged, parking the car on the side of the road before turning to her. "Is this because of what he asked?"

"I want to know if you want kids." He was evading her question, and she knew he would continue to. She hadn't really thought about it, but a part of her always knew to an extent she wanted kids. The problem was that they were messy and painful and loud, but as she looked at Logan, she knew that she wanted kids with him. She wanted a little Logan running around.

"Yes, I do. But I also know it may not happen." He nodded. "Do you want kids, Logan?" She knew it was a loaded question.

"I never saw myself having kids willingly. There were a couple scares when I was in high school, and it scared the crap out of me. I was always told having kids was just for continuing the name and producing an heir. Now, I see having kids with you and it doesn't scare me as much and it doesn't seem like an obligation. But I don't us to have a baby and then for me to leave you to raise it alone." She took his hand, kissing the back of it.

"How about we go home, put this conversation off a little longer. We can always watch those movies we were talking about earlier today." He smiled, kissing her softly before pulling back on the road. Their hands remained entwined.

She didn't understand why Mitchum would bring this up. He knew of the situation. Even if they wanted kids it may not happen because of the chemo and the radiation. Even if they wanted kids, neither of them wanted to leave them without a father. She looked over at Logan, and she could see a baby boy with her eyes and his hair. She could see a smile on the little boy's face, a mirror image of Logan's smirk. As much as she didn't want to let her mind dwell on the subject, the seed was already planted in her head and heart. She didn't know if she could deal with the idea of raising a child without Logan.

They arrived back home, walking up to the apartment. He went straight to the bathroom while she changed into one of his Yale shirts and a pair of her sweats. While she waited for the shower to turn off, she grabbed a blanket and laid it on the couch before going to make the popcorn. The movies had already been sat out before they left for Hartford.

She took the popcorn out of the microwave when she heard the shower shut off and the bathroom door open. He made his way over to the bedroom, pulling on a pair of sweats of his own and a grey t-shirt. They both sat on the couch, her curling into him as he turned on the first of the three movies. _Mean Girls_ came first, followed by _The Notebook_ , concluded with _Pride and Prejudice_.

They mocked _Mean Girls_ in its entirety. Halfway through _The Notebook_ she felt his eyes on her again. She kept facing the television, knowing that if he wanted to talk, he'd say something. Softly, he kissed her jaw, trailing down to her neck and shoulder. Rather than continuing, he let his forehead rest on her shoulder. She brought the opposite arm up, combing her fingers through his hair. She still didn't know what he was thinking, but she had a faint idea of the sadness he felt.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I think this is the longest chapter I've written for this story, which makes me happy. It's a mixture of our usual angst, but also there's some fluff, I promise. Next chapter will be the fluffiest of all. Hope to read your reviews, they keep me going. So, without further adieu!

"Rory!" Lorelai called out, standing from her stool as soon as the door to Luke's opened. Rory rushed over, embracing her mom in a tight hug. When the two separated, Logan made his way over, hugging Lorelai as well. "Let's sit, catch up, have some amazing food." Both Rory and Logan smiled, sitting at a table with her mother.

"What do you want?" Luke asked with his usual gruff, grumpiness. She looked at her mother, smirks on both their faces.

"Coffee, pancakes, bacon, waffles with blueberry syrup and hashbrowns," Lorelai said matter-of-factly. "And don't try to slip any fruit into that. Blueberry syrup, no blueberry chunks." Luke just sighed with exasperation before turning to Rory.

"Coffee, cheeseburger loaded, and chili fries." This time Luke rolled his eyes before turning to Logan.

"House salad with ranch and a water."

"I hope one of these days one of those two will take after your better eating habits." Rory and Lorelai just laughed, Logan smiling along. It had been a week since the Huntzberger dinner and neither of them had spoken about the topic since the car ride. This was a fact Rory had filled her mother in on.

"So, how are you enjoying your break?" Lorelai asked, finally breaking the silence.

"It's nice to not have to worry about classes. Getting to catch up on pleasure reading and time with Logan." The conversation stayed small, catching up with each other until the food came out. Then, it was the same between bites of their food. Lorelai and Rory downed theirs like champs, but Logan was barely halfway through when he pushed his plate away.

"The Firelight Festival is tomorrow. Were you two planning on staying that long?" Lorelai asked.

"It's one of the reasons we came," Logan answered. "After everything I've heard from, Ace about this town, I figured I needed to see it for myself." He smiled as Lorelai nodded along. "You'd think that after nearly three years together, I'd have come here at least once that did not include dropping her off in a limo, and might I add, drunk." Both Logan and Lorelai laughed as Rory blushed. She was glad they were getting along, but she'd rather not remember the embarrassments that came with the fiance and the mother talking.

"Oh yes, Limo Boy," Lorelai responded in awe. "I remember many a tale. I still can't believe sub-parties are a thing. Also, vaguely something about Passion of the Christ." Rory just shook her head again. She could never hold her liquor and her mom was always on the receiving end of her stories.

"Nothing seems that bad after Finn's Passion of the Christ, except Finn's Passion of the Christ," Logan told her, laughing. She leaned her head on his shoulder as he and her mom shared more stories, some from his boarding school days, some from the many ways she found of sneaking out of the Gilmore household. She didn't know if it was unnerving or reassuring, but she saw both of her parents in Logan. The rebellious, carefree attitude, but the love that could move mountains.

"I'm going to go over to Lane's. Can I be assured that when I return to the Crap Shack, Logan will still be in one piece?" she asked, pulling on her coat as she stood up.

"No promises, especially with Ms. Patty and Babette. You know how their pinches can be," her mom responded. She just chuckled as Logan asked what that meant. Instead of answering, she gave him a quick kiss before walking out of the diner and to Lane's house.

She looked around, not sure how home didn't feel like home any more. Stars Hollow had always been home to her, had raised her and nurtured her. Now, when she returned, she felt like a visitor. But as she thought back to the conversations in the diner, she made the realization. Home was with Logan, and since she and Logan didn't live in Stars Hollow, home wasn't truly there anymore. She pushed those thoughts aside as she walked up to Lane's, knocking on the front door, only to be greeted by Zach.

"Hey, is Lane home?" she asked. Before he could answer, Lane was pulling her to the bench on the front porch with a blanket and two steaming cups.

"Go back inside, Zach," her friend told her husband as she made herself comfortable on the bench, pulling Rory down beside her. "We haven't talked in forever. What's going on? How's Logan doing? Any plans for the wedding? Oh my god, we need to talk more."  
"Lane! You literally saw me a month ago," she said with a chuckle. "Is he hovering that much?"

"You wouldn't believe. And my mother has it in her mind that she's going to be moving in with us. They're trying to get me to eat all this healthy crap that I avoided when I lived with her. I swear, if I wasn't pregnant I would kick both their asses!" She took a sip of what Rory would assume to be tea, however, when she drank her own she was met with the bliss of coffee.

"I still can't believe you're pregnant," she told Lane. "Mitchum asked if we wanted kids." Lane turned towards her, obviously interested in this story. "Middle of dinner and he asks the question. Me and Logan talked about it for like two minutes on the car ride home, but every since… I can't get the idea of it out of my head, and I know there's a big possibility of us having a baby and then me raising it alone."

"If you really want to have kids with him, tell him. Even if you lost him, you know you'd have an army behind you to make sure that child knew it's father." She knew Lane was right. She would have her family and some of his family, not to mention their friends and the entirety of Stars Hollow to help her. But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same as Logan getting to see every milestone, every t-ball game, or dance recital. She just shrugged.

"So, we set a date for the wedding. May twenty-ninth. And I was wondering if you would be my maid of honor. I know you'll be like seven months pregnant, but I'd love if you were up there with me." Lane's face lit up with joy.

"Of course I'll be your maid of honor!" she practically yelled as she hugged Rory. Rory just smiled, their conversation drifting between wedding planning, married life, and children. It would occasionally delve into other aspects of their lives, their hopes and dreams and fears. It was as if they'd never been separated.

"I'm going to go make sure they made it back to the Crap Shack in one piece. Are you going to be at the festival tomorrow?" Rory finally asked as the sun started to set. She couldn't believe she'd just spent five hours talking to Lane.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world, especially since you'll be there. Don't flatter yourself, Gilmore," Lane then concluded jokingly. Rory feigned shock as she stood up, hugging her friend before walking back to the house. She couldn't believe that Lane was married and having a baby, or that she herself was engaged. As she walked through the town, she could pick out the spots that held so many memories. The first, second, and third place she fell off her bike, the tree she fell out of, the spot where she and Lane would spill all their secrets. It held so many memories, but she was walking towards the one place and two people that held the most for her.

"Hey, Mom," she said, walking in and sitting next to her mother on the couch. The older Gilmore just wrapped her arm around her, pulling her close. "Where's Logan?"

"He passed out about an hour ago. I guess I never really knew how real it was until now for you, kid. I mean you told me, but I guess I didn't really understand." She looked at her mother with confusion. "He's scared. We talked about you and this marriage and he even told me about the baby conversation. I know you know all this, all his insecurities, but I guess I didn't really get them - both for you and for him - until now."

"It's hard for him to talk about it. I try to bring it up sometimes, the inevitable or the things I saw us doing that we may never. But he shrugs it off and changes the topic. I'm glad he talked to you about it, though. I mean, that's better than not talking to anybody." Was she jealous of her mother in that moment? Yes. Apparently, he was able to talk to her mother easier than he could talk to her.

"I know those wheels are turning, but don't go there. He told me something else. He knows you're scared and that you're overprotective and that you see him at his worst and at his best, and he thinks you're emotionally drained. You've been handling school and homework and family obligations all while taking care of him and making sure he's at his appointments on time and sitting up with him all night while he's sick. And he's right, Rory. You may not believe it, but he's right. And he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's waiting for you to decide that love isn't enough, for you to decide that you can't keep taking care of him. He's scared he's going to spend however much longer he has without you." She took in what her mother was saying. She knew she was wearing herself out, but she was on holiday break so she was able to pull herself back together. At the same time, she couldn't understand why Logan thought she'd leave. She'd said yes to his proposal, had done all those things her mother had said.

At that moment, it hit her. She finally understood what her mom said in the rambling. Logan knew she loved him, knew she wanted to be with him. But he wasn't sure if she could handle it, or if she was going to run. "And I also got a look at something else. Even though he didn't eat a lot, he sure knows how to get sick. I swear, I didn't think it was going to stop. And you know me, I don't do vomit."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I didn't at first either, but you become desensitized after a while. At first, you're thinking you're going to vomit too, or when it doesn't let up, that he's going to die."

"Rory, I hate saying this because it's going to come off the wrong way. I am so proud of you, babe. Not because you're staying with him. I'm proud of you for juggling it all, for turning to me and Paris and Lane and even Finn when you need to. I'm proud of you for not running, because if there's one thing you took from me and your dad, it's the ability to run." Rory knew the ultimate answer to that statement.

"Well, Mom. Gilmore Girls don't run." Her mom kissed her forehead before letting her go. She stood up and made her way to her childhood bedroom. When she opened the door, she saw Logan laying on the bed in just his sweats. He looked peaceful. She knew she thought that every time she saw him sleep, but it was true. It seemed like when he was asleep, it was as if he wasn't sick.

She quietly changed into her sweats and a lightweight t-shirt. When she laid next to him, he instinctively wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. She looked at him as he slept, thinking back to what her mother had told her. She didn't really understand why he would think she'd leave. She was in this for the long run, and as she'd told her mom, Gilmore girls don't run.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Full of fluffy goodness! I hope you all enjoy. This is officially the longest chapter in this story thus far, and I find that a great accomplishment. I hope to read your reviews! Enjoy!

She woke the next morning to Logan softly kissing her neck. It was one of her favorite ways to wake up, and when she opened her eyes, she was met with a sight of adoration and love. He smiled at her, one hand playing with her hair as the other held onto her waist. Neither said anything, just looked at each other. One of her hands rested on his chest, right above the scar from the splenectomy - the line still raised and red, the other on his shoulder. Right before their lips met, they were interrupted by the yell that was none other than Babette.

"Rory!" she yelled, and Rory could hear her opening the front door. "Rory, honey! There's an odd car outside! Rory!" Logan closed his eyes and laughed. Quickly, she kissed him before standing up and walking out to the kitchen. Babette was standing at the counter, chest heaving trying to get a breath.

"Babette, it's like seven in the morning," Rory said, and the other woman just nodded. "And that 'odd car' is Logan's. We're in town for the festival."

"Oh, right. Is that hunk here?" Rory laughed, but decided for the sake of her 'hunk' fiance, she'd lie this one time.

"He's still asleep Babette. And I wish I still was, but alas." The woman smiled, embracing Rory in a tight hug.

"I'll let you get back to sleep. I just wanted to make sure you weren't being killed or something. I'll see you later, honey." The two parted, and Babette left out the back door. She took a breath before walking back into her bedroom. Logan was now lying on his back, looking at the ceiling.

"I'm a hunk, huh?" he asked with a smile. She smiled along, but shook her head before laying back down. His arm wrapped around her and held her close.

"You're my hunk," she replied, kissing along his shoulder, up his neck, across his jaw, before finally kissing him. Their eyes closed as he repositioned on his side, holding her close as they continued their embrace. One hand held the back of his neck while the other sat on his waist, his positioning almost a mimick. This continued for several more minutes before they separated, but he pulled her close.

"I love you," she said softly as he kissed her forehead.

"Love you too," he then responded, eyes closing. When his breathing evened out, she knew he was asleep again. But she couldn't sleep, so she stood and got dressed before walking into the kitchen. Her mom was already at the Dragonfly, and a part of her wanted to go see her and see the place now. However, the other part wanted to walk around town more.

Rather than choosing one or the other, she merged the two ideas together. She would go visit her mom, then walk around town. She left a note for Logan when he woke back up that she'd be gone, but that she'd see him before the festival. She poured herself a cup of coffee before finally leaving the house.

The walk to the Dragonfly wasn't horrible, but wasn't the most pleasant. Despite wearing her tennis shoes, she wasn't used to the walk anymore. When she finally arrived, she was greeted with a cup of coffee from Sookie who was patiently waiting for her.

"We were about to start making bets to see when you'd show up," Sookie told her with a chuckle. Rory laughed along, taking a sip. Luke may have had the best coffee, but Sookie came in a close second.

"Oh, before I forget," Rory said between sips. "I wanted to know if you would cater my wedding. I know it's a lot to ask, between the kids and this place, but it would mean a lot to me. It's going to be at the end of May, and I don't expect an answer right now, but." Her rant was cut off with a tight hug.

"Of course I'll cater your wedding!" Sookie practically yelled. "Do I get to do the cake too, because I have ideas." Rory nodded in agreement. "Perfect. Just tell me the colors when you have them, and I'll make sure it's perfect."

"Hello, Rory," Michelle said, his tone disdainful as always. "I was wondering when you would show up. Come to steal my post-it notes again?"

"It's nice to see you too. Actually, I came for the festival, but I think I could squeeze in some time to steal post-its." He glared at her before sulking away, probably to annoy somebody else. Rory sat the now empty cup on the counter as her mother walked in.

"I was wondering when you were gonna show, kid," Lorelai told her, hugging her.

"Everybody keeps saying that. It's like nine in the morning. How late do you think I was gonna be?" Lorelai smirked. "Oh come on! The last time I did that, you yelled at me!" This was in reference to the Dean debacle.

"That was different. This is Logan. I'd be surprised if you guys didn't, and now apparently I must be surprised." She just rolled her eyes at her mother. "You know he's back in town, Dean."

"I heard. It's none of my business though, and my life is none of his. He ended it, and that's that." Lorelai nodded. For Rory, Dean was old news. She was with Logan, she was marrying Logan and she loved him more than she ever loved Dean. She loved him more than she loved Jess. The only person she loved more than Logan was her mother, and that was more obligatory. To an extent, she was born to love her mother, but romantic love was a whole other story.

She parted ways with the two friends after another hour of conversation, making her way into town finally. Her mind fell onto her conversation with her mom from the night before. She wondered how long Logan had felt the way he was feeling, if she'd done something that would make him think she was going to leave. It was unsettling to say the least, but she tried to push those thoughts aside as she came up to the town square.

Ms. Patty's dancers were practicing in the studio, Taylor and Luke were yelling about decorations - a tradition as old as the festival itself, and Kirk was decorating. She saw him staple his shirt to the tree rather than the paper, which made her chuckle.

She sat on one of the benches as she watched the citizens of Stars Hollow prepare for the festival. Gypsy was setting up her cider booth, Jackson setting up his vegetable booth. She wasn't sure how he managed to grow vegetables in the middle of winter. Did he have a greenhouse? Were there vegetables that flourished in the winter? She took a mental note to ask him about it someday.

"So, you and Richie Rich, huh?" she heard a familiar voice ask from beside her. She didn't even realize somebody had occupied the other seat. She turned to see Dean.

"His name is Logan, and yes. Although I don't see how my engagement concerns you," she told him bluntly. She could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Just trying to catch up. I feel like I deserve a little bit of knowledge, seeing as I ended my marriage for you." That was a low blow, and she knew he knew it. But she also knew not to believe it. She'd gone over it all a thousand times in her head, blaming herself for his failed marriage with Lyndsey. She also knew it took two to tango.

"No, you ended your marriage for you, not for me. You dumped me, remember? At my grandparents' house in front of my friends." She just shook her head.

"I love you, Rory," he then told her. She shook her head again. She knew this was where the conversation was heading, knew that he'd bring up his own feelings in order to try and hurt hers.

"You don't get it do you, Dean?" she asked, turning her entire body to face him. "I loved you, past tense. I've moved on. But you think you're still in love with me, but you need to realize you're not. You're in love with sixteen year old me. You're in love with the idea of me. You always put me on a pedestal so high that nothing could compete, not even me. I'm not perfect, no matter how much you want me to be. I've made mistakes, I live with them every day. Logan sees that. He knows I'm nowhere near perfect and he loves me anyway. That's what love is, seeing somebody's faults and looking past them. Not getting mad when they make a mistake, when they show you those faults. You're always going to be my first everything, but I'm sorry, you're not going to be my last. He is." She took a deep breath, waiting to hear what his response would be. Rather than saying anything, he just stood and walked away.

"That was some speech, kid," Luke said, walking over with a cup of coffee. He took the seat Dean had been occupying just a few moments before, handing the cup over.

"It just annoys me that he thinks I'm so perfect in general, and so perfect for him. Maybe when we were sixteen, but that was years ago and he just won't move on." Luke nodded in agreement. "Do you think you and Mom will ever get back together? I mean, she and Dad didn't work out - again."

"I don't know, Rory. I care about your mom, but I think we both need to be at a place where we want similar things again. I mean, I have April now which is crazy. And she's dealing with the aftermath of your dad. Maybe someday." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. It wasn't like him to be affectionate.

"You make an amazing dad, Luke. And no matter what happens with you and my mom, you'll always be a dad to me." He smiled before standing up and leaving her to sit there by herself again.

The clock in the town square chimed, signaling that it was five. She figured it was time to go find Logan. Her mom would be at the square in a half-hour along with the rest of the town to begin the festivities. She stood from her bench, looking around. The fairy lights were covering the gazebo, the booths were all set up. It was like she'd always remembered it.

She walked back to the house, the snow starting to fall again. She walked in to see Logan sitting on the couch, ready to go. His head was tilted back, eyes closed. She wondered if he was sleeping again, but knew better than that. He couldn't sleep sitting up, a fact she'd learned not long after they started the no strings deal.

"Hey," she said softly, sitting next to him. He brought his head down, looking at her with a smile. "How's your day been?"

"I woke up around noon," he told her. "Grabbed what I could find to eat, which was a poptart. Go figure." They both laughed. "I walked around the town a little bit. Talked to Luke, got cornered by Babette and Ms. Patty. I apparently look like husband number four and she'd love to make me number six. Almost took her up on the offer if it wasn't for you. Then came back here and tried to nap for a minute."

"You tried to nap sitting up?" He nodded. "Who are you and what have you done with Logan Huntzberger." They both laughed as he kissed her softly.

"What about your day?" he asked when they separated. She filled him in on her talk with her mom and Sookie, as well as Sookie's excitement for the opportunity to cater their wedding. She told him about her conversation with Luke, leaving Dean for last.

"I also ran into somebody you kinda know." She could see his interest peak. "Dean."

"Oh," he said, brow furrowing.

"It was fine. He can't let the past go, and I told him to. I told him I'm with you and that what he and I had was done. I reminded him that he was the one who ended it, whether or not he wants to remember it that way. I closed that door of my life and finally locked it shut."

"I love you," he told her in response to her animated speech. She smiled, kissing him again before standing up and pulling him up with her.

"Let's go. They'll start without us. Don't think they won't." He laughed as she led him out the door and down the sidewalk. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as her arm wrapped around his waist. They both smiled, talking about the town and her childhood.

When they reached the town square, nearly every citizen was already in attendance, walking around each of the booths. They, however, found the perfect bench in front of the gazebo, waiting for Ms. Patty's production and story telling time. It didn't take long for her and her dancers to make their way from the studio to the small stage. The sun was setting, the lights were shining, and in that moment everything was perfect.

"This boys and girls is the story of true love," Ms. Patty said in a gentle tone. "A beautiful girl from one county, a handsome boy from another. They meet and fall in love. Separated by distance and by parents who did not approve of the union, the young couple dreamed of a day that they would be together. They wrote each other beautiful letters. Letters of longing and passion, letters full of promises and plans for the future." She could feel his eyes on her as she watched the dancers and listened to the story she'd heard every year for the past twenty-one. "Soon, the separation proved too much for either one of them to bear. So one night, cold and black with no light to guide them, they both snuck out of their homes and ran away as fast as they could. It was so dark out that they were both soon lost and it seemed as if they would never find each other. Finally, the girl dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her lovely face. 'Oh my love, where are you? How will I find you?' Suddenly, a band of stars appeared in the sky. These stars shone so brightly they lit up the entire countryside. The girl jumped to her feet and followed the path of the stars until finally, she found herself standing right where the town gazebo is today. And there, waiting for her was her one true love who had also been led here by the blanket of friendly stars. And that my friends is how Stars Hollow came to be and why we celebrate that fateful night every year about this time." She and the rest of the town clapped as the dancers made their way back to the studio with Ms. Patty.

"Remind you of anybody, Ace?" he asked her. She knew he saw the similarities between the fable and their lives. They did come from two separate worlds - she from the small town and him from society. Their communication wasn't quite letters. It was banter and articles and text messages sent from across the sea. His family thought that she wasn't good enough, and she knew her mother hated to see her go to society life. But they'd found one another, they'd loved one another. And now, here they were sitting on a bench a few feet from the fabled meeting spot finally where they needed to be, with each other.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, as usual. This chapter, to me, was a little difficult to write. My loved one was always sick around Christmas time, so it was hard to spend time with him. As much as I wished this chapter was better, it was hard to get the right perspective for it. However, I hope you all enjoy and continue to let me know what you think.

A week later was Christmas. The two were at their apartment in New Haven, inviting their family over for celebrations the next day. Rory, despite the outcry from her mother, had opted to spend the holiday with Logan. She and Lorelai had pushed their tradition up to the day after the festival so that they'd at least have celebrated together rather than not at all.

She woke up to the smell of breakfast, Christmas music, and the sounds of a fire crackling in the fireplace. She didn't open her eyes, not quite yet. Rather, she stretched before slowly awakening. He was playing Christmas music, he was cooking breakfast. This was the perfect way to wake up. Finally, she sat up and opened her eyes. He was standing in the kitchen in his Christmas pajamas she'd bought him when she went shopping with her mom the day after the Firelight festival.

The carpet was soft beneath her feet, but as she made her way to the kitchen, the hardwood chilled. At that moment, she wished she'd put on socks. "Something smells good," she told him, sitting at one of the bar stools, a steaming mug of coffee already waiting for her. She took a sip as he answered.

"Just some waffles," he replied with a smirk. He left the waffle iron for a moment, walking around the counter to stand beside her. "Merry Christmas," he said with a kiss. Her unoccupied arm wrapped around his waist, keeping him close for a minute longer. When they separated, both had smiles on their faces.

"Merry Christmas to you, too." She let go so that he could finish breakfast. "So, Lane and Zach can't make it tomorrow because his family is having this get together. But my mom's gonna stop by, so is Honor and Josh, and Colin and Finn."

"Can't have Christmas without those two," he chimed in, both smiling.

"My grandmother wants us to come by for Friday Night dinner this week. We've missed the last few, and they understand why, but she's almost made it mandatory we go this week. Oh, your dad called. He wants to have lunch with you next week. He didn't say why, but he wants you to give him a call back." Logan nodded along, his attention elsewhere.

"I'll call him in a couple days. And don't worry about scheduling, Ace. We'll get it all figured out. For right now," he walked around the counter again holding two plates, "let's eat." He sat next to her, taking a bite out of his own as she ate hers. She didn't know how she got so lucky to be with someone who knew how to cook something other than pop tarts.

They ate in silence, sharing looks with each other. When they finished, she put their plates in the dishwasher and he made his way to the couch. She joined him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I love you," he told her softly. She smiled, eyes closed.

"Love you too." After a few more minutes, they separated, grabbing the wrapped gifts they'd gotten each other. They exchanged, and she let Logan go first.

"Oh my god," he said softly as he looked what was in his hands. He flipped through the pages, "Is this?"

"Every article that's been written by or about you since we've known each other. You can see the subtle changes in your writing. Not to mention what's being written about you. Going from playboy to successful businessman." He didn't respond as he glanced at each. "It reminds me of what you said to me to get me to jump. You can live a hundred years, but not live for a moment. You've lived a million moments, babe." He looked up, kissing her.

"Thank you. It's…. Wow." He then motioned for her to open hers. The wrapping came off and she came face to face with something she never thought she'd see.

"A first edition of Breakfast at Tiffany's?" she said, face lighting up. She flipped open the cover. "And signed by Capote? Thank you." They kissed again. The rest of the day was spent on the couch, watching Christmas Movies. That included some of her favorites, _Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer, Miracle on 34th Street,_ and _A Christmas Story_ , as well as some of his, _Home Alone, It's a Wonderful Life,_ and _Christmas in Connecticut_. The day was finished up with some leftover Chinese from the previous night.

When they laid in bed that night, with him tracing patterns on her hip and her head on his chest, he spoke. "I think this is has to be the best Christmas I've had," he told her. "Growing up, Christmas was more of a formality and an excuse to host huge parties. And then we were separated last year. This was the first year I felt like I was at home for Christmas, and I finally got to spend it with someone I love." She didn't know how to respond, so, she just kissed him and hoped it conveyed all those thoughts racing in her head.

The next morning, she woke in a tangle of blankets and her head on his chest. His fingers were playing with her hair. She kept her eyes closed for another minute, not wanting to move from her spot.

"Colin and Finn will be here soon," he told her. "And we probably don't want to be naked when they get here."

"I'm not ready to get up though," she told him, snuggling into him a little more. He tightened his hold on her as she kissed his chest softly. He hummed softly as she continued her gentle kisses.

"Neither am I, but we don't need a repeat incident of Finn walking in on us," he reminded her with a small laugh. She looked up at him, remembering that incident very well. It took months for them to live it down, and even then, he had a knack for showing up at inopportune times.

"Okay, fine," she grumbled. As she was about to stand up, Logan pulled her back down for a quick kiss. "Love you," she told him when they separated. His answer was just a smile. She walked over to the closet, pulling out a tshirt and jeans for herself, tossing him one of his Henley's and a pair of khakis.

As the two finished getting dressed, there was a knock on the door. "You decent, loves?" Finn asked as he walked in. "I hope so." She could hear Colin laughing behind him. When he came into view, she walked over and gave him a tight hug. "Hello to you too, love."

"Logan, my man," Colin called out, embracing his friend for a moment. Once they'd greeted each other, they switched so that Rory was hugging Colin and Finn got Logan.

"So, what have you been up to?" Finn then asked, a knowing look on his face. Logan sighed, sitting on the couch, the three joining him. Rory leaned against him, his arm wrapping around her shoulder.

As the three caught up, the others started joining. First was Honor and Josh, profusely apologizing for being late although there was no set time for them to show up. Then came her mother, bearing food from both Sookie and Luke for the gathering.

It reminded her of the get together they'd had just a few months before. She was glad they had this family, unconventional as it may be. These were the people who cared about them the most. They had been there through it all. They had seen it at one point or another. Colin and Finn with his fall, Honor visiting at least once a week and seeing him get so sick he can't stand, her mom the week before. They were the people who understood what was happening and what they were going through. This made her smile, knowing they'd never be alone.

"It seems like I'm always the one to break the small talk at these dinners," Logan joked as they began setting down their empty plates. "I just want to thank you guys for everything you've done for us. Your support means more than you could understand. Next month, I have the defining appointment that tells me whether I'm in remission or not. If I'm not, I've decided not to continue with treatments. I wanted you guys to be the first to know this. You've all seen what this has done and how it makes me so sick, and I don't know if I'd be able to do that all over again for the small chance it would actually work."

"Mate," Finn said. "We all care about you, and we all will support your decisions. As much as we want to keep you around, it's selfish to try and talk you into treatment."

"I agree, man," Colin followed. "We want you to be happy with what time you have left." Honor wiped away tears as Josh tightened his arm around her shoulders.

"I kinda wanna be selfish," she admitted, turning towards her brother. "It's always been you and me against the world, Logan. I don't want to give that up."

"Look at it this way," Lorelai chimed in, "his appointment isn't until next month. So, we all might be worrying for nothing. There's a chance he's in remission. Because of that chance, we just need to take some deep breaths and not worry about it until then."

"Thank you, Lorelai," Logan then told her. "She has a point, but I just wanted to let you all know what's going on. You're our family, and you deserve to know."

When she and Logan had talked about it when Doctor Martinez's office had called to set up the appointment, she wasn't sure what to think. She understood his desire to not be sick from the chemo and the radiation for as long as he had left. But at the same time, she was very similar to Honor. She wanted to be selfish, she wanted to keep him for as long as she could. He was the love of her life, and she didn't want to lose him. However, she knew the ultimate decision wasn't hers to make. It was his, and even if she didn't agree with it, she would support it. She'd support him.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I know I posted this for like two seconds, but there was something I needed to add, so here it is for real this time. As usual, I hope to hear your reviews and your thoughts on this chapter. This chapter was the hardest so far for me to write emotionally, so I hope you guys enjoy.

"I have classes until three, so I'll meet you at Rich Man's Shoe for dinner?" she asked as he was typing on his computer.

"Yeah. I'll call you after my appointment, let you know what Martinez says," he told her. His brows furrowed and a look of concentration played on his face. "I seriously hate that he wants me to do this." The topic was now back on Mitchum. Despite his support the last few months, he wanted Logan doing some kind of work for the company again. Rather than travel or do office work since they knew his immune system was still compromised, Mitchum wanted him to go over the numbers for their newest aquisition and see how they could improve upon it.

She put her hand over his, an action that made him look up from the computer screen. "Take it easy. It doesn't have to all get done today, alright. Don't forget to take your medicine, don't forget to eat or drink water. I love you." He smiled, kissing her softly.

"I love you too, Ace. I'll see you tonight." She grabbed her bag before walking out. She wasn't excited that she was back in school, not like she used to be. Now, all she wanted was to be home with him. However, she was excited that this was her last semester. Sure, she had her worries and insecurities about the future, but she knew that her future held one thing for sure, a life with Logan.

It didn't take her long to walk to her first class from the apartment. Economics, yet again with her grandfather. She talked with him for a few minutes before the class started, filling him in on Logan's condition, him telling her that Emily wanted to go over more wedding plans. Something Rory assured him could wait until Friday night dinner. She took her seat, listening to the lecture and taking notes.

As she walked to the Daily News office, she thought about what her grandfather had been telling her. She hated that Emily was trying to plan every aspect, so she decided to tell her how they really felt. They didn't want a society event, they wanted a wedding - small with their family and friends, not with colleagues and business associates.

"Rory, I thought you'd died," Paris told her. "I haven't heard from you since finals. Is Logan okay?"

"Logan's fine," she replied with a smile. "We spent a lot of time with my mom in Stars Hollow. I'm sorry we didn't talk much, but it's kind of hard to talk to you when you're out of the country visiting your parents." Paris just shrugged, taking her seat as Rory began the meeting. She couldn't believe she was Editor In Chief of Yale Daily News, she couldn't believe this was how she was going to end her year. She gave out assignments, finally sitting at her desk and going through the emails that they'd received over the break.

She glanced around before looking at her phone, a text notification. When she opened it, her breath caught in her throat. Looking around, she met his eyes as he stood in the doorway with two cups of coffee. "I'll be back in a minute, Paris," she said, motioning to Logan. Her friend just nodded as she stepped into the hall.

"Hey," he said smiling as she took one of the coffees. "Looks like it's bustling in there." She took a sip before sitting on the bench, him joining her.

"Yeah, it is. Bill is going crazy, as usual. Mostly because of Paris. They're still on edge after her reign of terror, even though I assure them things will be different. Oh, I talked to my grandfather." He was smiling, listening intently. "Emily wants to go over more wedding plans, but I think it's time to put our feet down. Oh, I've been rambling about me. How was your appointment?"

"I'm in what they call partial remission. There's less cancer, but it's not all the way gone. The way Martinez described it was that it's a lot like a chronic disease. It's there, but unless it becomes a problem, treatments aren't necessary." She nodded, grasping what he was saying.

"So, what's the prognosis?" she then asked. He took a breath, taking a drink out of his own cup. She assumed it was tea, he was more of a tea man than a coffee guy.

"It's down to fifteen percent of making it five years. We knew this going in, with how far along it is." She licked her lips before taking her bottom lip between her teeth. "Hey, it's okay," he told her. It reminded her of when she told him that at his first appointment, when he went off on her, asking how it could ever be okay.

"I don't want to lose you," she told him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and kissing her temple.

"I know." They stayed like that for a minute longer, until Bill came out to tell her Paris was losing it - as usual. "I'll see you at Rich Man's Shoe after your next class?" he reminded her.

"Yeah." She gave him a small smile before he kissed her. When they separated, both stood and went opposite directions - her back to the newsroom and him back through the halls of Yale. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before going in to separate Paris and one of the new reporters.

"Paris, I gave you Religon for a reason - you wanted it. You can't change your mind now just because a newer reporter got features!" she practically yelled at her friend. "Now, both of you back to work." She sat at her desk, fielding different types of questions from nearly everybody. After their allotted time was up, she turned to the room.

"Today went a lot better than we had all anticipated," she told the reporters. "It's good to have you all back, and I'm seeing new faces which makes me happy. Keep working on those articles, if you don't have an article yet, I'll talk with you next time about ideas for your sections. Let's have a great semester, guys." She gathered her belongings as Paris walked over.

"So what did Huntzberger say?" she asked, sitting on the edge of Rory's desk. "He usually doesn't just drop by anymore, considering." Her friend shrugged to finish that sentence.

"He had an appointment today. Partial remission, fifteen percent chance of making it to the five year mark, if he were to ever reach total remission, but given his choice to not pursue more treatments." She sighed, knowing Paris had missed that entire conversation the day after Christmas since she'd been with her parents.

"He's giving up?" she questioned. "He can't just give up."

"He's not giving up, Paris," she said, beginning to get angry at her friend. "He'd rather be comfortable than in pain for the rest of his life."

"He does understand that treatment is the only option for him to live, right? By foregoing treatment, he's giving up. He's going to be in pain either way. I mean, yeah, with chemo and radiation, he has the rashes and the vomiting and the hair loss - which he seemed to get lucky on and not have to worry about. But, by not going the treatment route, he's going to be in chronic pain as the cancer destroys his body. He does realize this, right?" Rory stood there, bag slung over her shoulder almost gawking at her friend.

"I'm not having this discussion right now, Paris. As much as I want him to keep up with the treatments, I have to respect his decision. As do you." With that, she left her friend sitting on her desk. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she made her way across campus to her last class. She wanted to skip, but knew that missing her first day of a new class would set her back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you," someone said as they bumped shoulders. It was Marty. "Rory, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Paris being insensitive, as usual. I've gotta go." He just mumbled a yeah as they parted, going in different directions. She wanted to call her mom, to ask why Paris said what she did. She understood her friend had decided to go the pre-med route, but that didn't mean that she had to be so cruel. But maybe, it wasn't cruelty. She knew Paris' statements had basis in fact, but it still didn't make it right.

She sat in one of the chairs in the middle of the room. She was one of the first ones there, so she pulled out her phone. **Paris. Ugh** , she texted her mom, hoping she'd get the hint. Paris was, well, Paris. She was like a second daughter to her mother, like a sister to Rory, but she had a rough way with words.

 **What happened?** she read after her phone buzzed. She didn't know how to tell her, didn't know if she should. She wanted to think she was overreacting, but at the same time, she knew she wasn't.

 **Logan had dr. apt. Partial remission. Choosing no treatment. Paris goes on and on about how doing no treatment is stupid and painful and she just doesn't understand** , she typed back. She took a breath, turning her phone off as the lecture started. It was hard to concentrate, but she did and took notes, trying to get her mind off the conversation earlier. However, when the lecture ended and she turned her phone back on, she was greeted with several messages.

 **Talk to Logan** , the first said, from her mother of course. She hit the next button.

 **Didn't mean to be insensitive earlier. Talk to him, though. It's true. Foregoing treatment is typically more painful.** She sighed, clicking to the next message.

 **Still on for dinner? Got a call from your mom, everything okay? Love you.** She smiled softly, making her way to Rich Man's Shoe. When she got there, she saw his car parked out front. It was like him to be early. When she walked in, she glanced around until she saw him sitting at one of the tables. Coming up behind him, she put a hand on his shoulder, kissing the top of his head. His hand came up to rest on hers for a minute before she sat down.

"You okay, Ace?" he asked as the waitress brought them drinks. She assumed he'd ordered those already. It would be a little odd for the waitress to bring them random drinks.

"Paris," she said. He nodded.

"Your mom said it was different this time. Want to elaborate?" Honestly, she didn't, but she knew she needed to. She needed to tell him.

"She asked how you were after you left. I told her, which was a mistake. She just kept going on and on about how it's the worst decision you could make. How I should try and talk you out of it. How giving up on treatment is _so_ much worse than going for it. It got to me, you know. This is your decision, this is your life we're talking about. And she tried to make it seem like I don't care about this. She thinks you're giving up and I'm letting you." He took a drink as she sighed. "You're not giving up, though. Despite there being a percentage of a chance of you going into to full remission, it's not significant, is it?"

"Rory," he said. He rarely used her name, so she knew this was serious. "Don't let her get to you. I talked with Martinez today, I told him I didn't want to do the treatments. Do you know what he said? He said despite him wanting all his patients to live, he respects my decision, especially given the likelihood of me going into full remission. He's given me numbers of different hospice options for when the time comes. He's set up bi-weekly appointments to keep track of my ANC and if the cancer starts spreading again. He's given me the paperwork for a living will and a DNR for when I'm ready." The waitress came to take their orders, allowing what he was telling her to sink in before he continued. "Am I scared? Of course. Do I know that this is going to be painful? Yes. Paris can be blunt, but you have to realize, you're not letting me give up. You're letting me die with dignity." He took her hands in his.

"I love you, you know that Logan?" she said with a sad smile.

"I know. I love you too, Ace. Now, enough about that, let's change the subject. How is it running Yale Daily News?" he asked with a true smile.

She told him how different it was between being a reporter and actually running the show. The topic delved into Paris' dispute with a fellow reporter, and Rory's problem solving skills. Then, she told him about her lectures, how she was so excited for the weeks to come. When their food came out, the focus changed and he told her about the new Huntzberger Publishing Group acquisition and how bad it actually was. When he went over the numbers, he saw that the paper was actually losing more money than it was making, and he wasn't quite sure how Mitchum didn't see that before actually buying it.

When they were finished, they walked out to his car and got in. In the quiet confines of the vehicle, he said something that she knew she'd never forget. "I don't want you to think I'm giving up," he said softly. "I've had to deal with the fact that we're not going to have that forever. I've had to deal with the fact that I'm dying and modern medicine can't really save me. I don't see it as giving up, Rory. And I don't want you to see it that way either. Honestly, I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid people are going to forget me."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Good and bad news. Bad news first: this is a super short chapter unfortunately. Good news: full of fluff, and it's leading into a chapter I've been excited to get to write! As usual, I appreciate your reviews - and to be honest, I go through and I reread them. It means a lot to me that you guys are enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it.

"Let's go to the Vineyard this weekend," Logan suggested as she leaned over her books, preparing for her exam the next day. She glanced up, signaling for him to continue his thought and to convince her. "It's Valentine's weekend, and, as much fun as I had last time, we won't get interrupted. It'll be just you and me." She liked the idea, but she wasn't one hundred percent sure. She had two reporters quit because of Paris, had two exams the next week. "I know everything's crazy right now, but think about it, okay?" She just nodded, leaning back over her books.

She could hear him typing, as usual. Mitchum had him looking at the numbers for a majority of the papers. After saving HPG from a total loss by revamping their acquisition the month before, Logan was now the person in charge of overseeing any major or necessary changes. That didn't mean he had to go in. Instead, he would come up with a plan of action which Mitchum would then have the Editor In Chief of the paper carry out to a 't.' It took up so much of his time, and she was killing herself with her final semester. Maybe a weekend was what they needed.

"Let's go," she told him, setting down her highlighter and looking up. He stopped typing, swiveling in his chair to look at her with a smile. "We've both been crazy busy this past month and we've barely had any time for each other. So why not?" She smiled back, picking up her highlighter and tapping to a random rhythm.

"I'll email Mitchum tomorrow to let him know we'll be occupying the house. Hopefully he can get ahold of the groundskeeper to get it all set up." They both looked at each other, smiling for another minute before going back to their previous activities.

She had talked to Paris after her initial reaction. Even though Paris didn't care that she was blunt, she did care that Rory was hurting. She finally realized that as much as Rory wanted to step in and tell Logan he was crazy for choosing death, she couldn't. Not for her sake, but for Logan's. He needed as many people in his court as he could get, and one of the most important people was Rory.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. Her exam was taken, the paper was published, and finally, they laid in bed at the Vineyard, entranced with one another. "I missed you," he mumbled as he kissed her neck. She moaned in response, one of her hands in his hair, the other digging her nails into his shoulder. When he laid beside her again, she laid her head on his chest and his arm wrapped around her.

"I missed you too," she finally said. His fingers twirled her hair, and she smiled. Even though they'd seen each other every day the past month, they never really were with each other like they were in that moment. It was go to school, come home and Logan's working so work on homework, have dinner and make small talk, watch the news, sleep, repeat. Friday night dinners were the most time they actually spent together, and even then they were surrounded by family and bombarded with Emily wanting them to reconsider a big wedding.

"I'm pretty sure if we tried really hard, we could stay in this bed the entire time. Didn't we learn anything from _Mad Hot Ballroom_?" he asked, kissing the top of her head. "One, two, cha cha cha." She smiled, but knew that attempt would be foiled sooner than later when she heard his stomach growl.

"Ah yes, but food as your body so wonderfully pointed out directly into my ear." His laugh reverberated. It still amazed her that when she laid her head on his chest, she could hear his heart and breath and voice and laugh. It was a way only she heard him, and to her, it made it seem even more special.

"Yes, food. We could go and get something, or I'm sure Mitchum made sure the kitchen was stocked, so I mean, there's probably cereal," he said, voice light as he tightened his arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer.

"Cereal sounds good." They stood up, her pulling on sweats and her discarded t-shirt and him pulling on his boxers and robe. She smiled as he ran his hand through his tousled hair and lead her into the kitchen. He pulled out the cereal boxes, lining them up for her choosing. She had a feeling he had more to do with the kitchen stocking than Mitchum did.

"Cocoa Puffs for sure," she said as he handed her a bowl and cereal. She grabbed the box, pouring herself a good amount of the chocolatey goodness. She saw him smile as he watched her eat, pouring himself Honey Nut Cheerios. It was a perfect moment, like they'd done this for years and there would be years to come. For once, her mind didn't go to the elephant in the room, it was focused on happiness.

When they finished their breakfast, they went back to the bedroom and turned on the news, but neither of them watched it. Rather, they watched each other, memorizing and relearning each other. They only ventured out a handful of times during their weekend for one reason or another. One time was to walk along the shore, another was to go to the bakery they loved so much. At one point, they went out just to walk around the island, and on that one occasion, they caught sight of elusive Stan, the raccoon.

This was their moment of happiness, of so many 'could-be's being crammed into two days. It was their glimpse at that happy future. If you looked close enough, you could see the kids running on the lawn, of them sitting on the porch old and grey together, of them sharing so many more memories on the sand and in the house. It was definitely a sight of hopes and 'could-be's.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been yet another month of hectic schedules, midterms, and Mitchum pushing Logan more than he had for a while. She knew he enjoyed the work, didn't have to deal with his father directly, could work at his own pace with his own schedule. It was a good change for him, but at the same time, she felt like they didn't have time for each other. She knew it wasn't true, they had started making time for each other, making sure they actually talked and it wasn't just small talk. He dropped by the Yale Daily News every meeting to drop off coffee and she always set aside five minutes to catch up on their days before dinner.

She walked into the kitchen, bag slung over her shoulder as she pulled her hair up in a ponytail. "Colin and Finn called again, Logan," she called out. He was rummaging through papers he needed to finalize the plan for the Stamford Gazette. "You really need to call them back. They're feeling neglected." She grabbed the first thing she saw and took a bite. As she did, he stood up, folder in hand and phone in the other.

"I know, and I'll call them today. I just have to send this over to my father," he told her. He looked at her with a puzzled look. "Do you know what you're eating?" he then asked. She was confused, of course she knew what she was eating. But it wasn't until she looked that she actually realized what she was eating. "When did you start eating apples?"

"I'll see you tonight when I get home," she told him, practically running out of the apartment and pulling her phone out of her pocket. When the elevator doors closed, she dialled her mom's number as she took another bite, savoring how good it actually tasted. 'No!' she thought to herself. 'No, it doesn't taste good because there's only one reason an apple would taste good and that can't be it.'

"Fruit of my loins!" her mom cheered. "I was wondering when you were going to call. What's up?"

"Big problem. Like probably going to skip class problem, Mom," she said, voice on the edge of panic. This couldn't be happening. Emily was going to freak out, her dad was going to freak out, Logan was going to freak out. Logan. Her mind stopped, as did her legs as she thought.

"Rory!" she heard her mom yell. "You okay, hon? Been trying to get your attention for about a minute and a half now," she then said.

"I ate an apple, Mom. And I liked it, and I'm still eating it." Her mom's silence didn't help with her freaking out as she walked out of the elevator and to the convenience store down the road from the apartment. "I'm still eating the apple!" she then almost yelled at her mom as she took another bite.

"Rory, take the test," she then said. "It could be a false alarm. You remember when I had my false alarm? I ate an apple and you are still with no siblings."

"I know I'm sibling-less, Mom, but I haven't been feeling good recently. And you had your false alarm the day after. It's been a month since the last time we… well, you know. And I just thought it was stress from the paper and from school, but now. Oh god," she then said, standing in front of the wall of pregnancy tests. "Which one do I get. I only have so much on me, and it's not like I'm going to use the Black Card for this because what if he checks the bank statement and it says I spent like two-hundred dollars on pregnancy tests and they're all negative and he asks why I didn't tell him. What am I going to tell him?" She was practically hyperventilating. A part of her wanted to sit on the ground, heat between her knees. She couldn't be pregnant. Now was not the right time, and they hadn't even had a serious discussion about kids since the whole Huntzberger dinner debacle. And she could not raise a child alone.

"Use the card I gave you for emergencies. Three of the most expensive, they're the ones that are worth the money. Go home, take the tests and then call me." How could her mom be so calm about this? She could be pregnant, for crying out loud! This was not the time for rational thinking, this was the time to be freaking out.

"But he's at home, Mom! I can't go home because he's gonna be all like 'why are you home, don't you have class?'" she said, voice lowering trying to mimick him. "And then I'm gonna have to be all like, 'Well, Logan, I think I'm pregnant.' Not gonna work out mom!" She grabbed the three most expensive tests, walking up to the cashier.

"Put them in your bag, go home, say you aren't feeling well - which is obviously true - and then go straight to the bathroom. The cashier checked her out, putting the three boxes in a plastic bag which she then slipped into her bag, making her way back to the apartment.

"What do I do if I am, Mom? I don't know if I can do this," she then said, voice soft.

"You're going to have this baby, Logan is going to be there for as long as he can, and then you'll have me and your dad and Luke and the entirety of Stars Hollow, not to mention his sister and those two crazy friends of his and your grandparents and maybe even Mitchum if he plays his cards right. You're not gonna be alone in this, babe. I promise you that," her mom assured you. "Now, call me when you find out." With that, the line went dead.

She pushed her phone back in her pocket. She walked into the building past the doorman and to the elevator, taking deep breaths. She kept her eyes on the numbers on the elevator, trying to keep her mind off the brick in her purse. Who knew three tests could seem to weigh so much? When she stepped out of the elevator and reached the door, her hand hesitated on the doorknob. It wasn't too late to leave, wasn't too late to go to her classes and worry about this later. But she knew that if she put it off, it would drive her crazy. She had to do this, now or never.

When she walked back in, Logan was hunched over the papers, his laptop sitting on the coffee table next to him. He looked up, confused when he saw her. "Not feeling good," she mumbled before rushing into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She could hear him stand up, could hear him walking towards the door. She pulled the bag out of her purse as he knocked on the door, almost causing her to drop them.

"You okay, Ror?" he asked. She could tell he was leaning against the door at that point, but she wasn't going to unlock it or let him in, not yet.

"I'll be out in a minute," she called back, taking the tests out of their boxes. In that moment, she was really glad she didn't use the bathroom before she left that morning. It saved time and stress. One by one, she sat them on the counter, before washing her hands and then sitting on the floor. The cool marble felt good against her legs as she waited, glancing at the clock on her phone every couple of seconds. Who knew three minutes would seem like an eternity?

"You sure you're okay?" he then asked. He hadn't moved from his spot, and she didn't know if she could move from hers any time soon. She replied with a weak 'yeah' as she checked the time on her phone. The moment of truth had arrived. Slowly, she stood up, getting lightheaded in the process. She hoped it was just the anxiety and not from a possible pregnancy. As she looked at each one, she was met with the same sight - two lines, positive.

She wanted to puke, this time knowing it was from nerves. She wasn't done with school yet, Logan was sick, she wasn't married, nothing was where it needed to be for this to be happening. Yet it was. A sick twist of fate, but she knew what her grandmother would say - aside from the snarky remarks about this child being conceived out of wedlock - _if you're grown up enough to have sex, you're grown up enough to deal with the consequences_. She walked over to the door, still in shock as she unlocked it.

He was the one to open the door, and she just looked at him, not saying anything. She saw him glance between her and the counter, and she knew the wheels were turning in his head.

"Are you?" he asked. She just nodded her head. "Are you sure?"

"I doubt most people get three false positives, Logan." Rather than walking into the living room, she sat on the marble floor of the bathroom again. He sat with her as she leaned into him, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and holding her close. He placed a kiss on the top of her head as her mind went a mile a minute, but her mind kept going back to the one fact that changed everything. She was pregnant.

A/N: I typically put these at the beginning, but I wanted to say something after it all. This was always in the cards for them. For as long as I've had the story in my head, this was how it was supposed to go, even with all your comments about wanting it and at the same time not. For me, this delves more into the idea of wanting that happy ending for them. Wanting them to raise a child and be with each other for many years to come, but reality is a slap in the face sometimes. So, I hope you enjoy. I hope to read your reviews and comments and probably mini-freakouts. The next chapter will be up probably tomorrow, like usual. Thank you so much for all the feedback. I really appreciate it.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, Rory," Logan said, repositioning his legs for the third time since they'd taken up residence on the bathroom floor. She didn't look at him, eyes focused on the same spot on the wall she'd been staring at for the past hour. "Rory, look at me," he then told her, separating from her a little bit. She didn't want to, didn't want to see his reactions, but she did. She knew her eyes were rimmed red from the amount of crying she'd done. His shirt was tear stained, but she knew that didn't matter.

"Do you want kids?" he asked. She wanted to laugh. He was asking her this now, after she was already knocked up? It was so ironic. "I know, it's not the most conventional, but when have we ever been conventional?" He smirked, cupping her face with one of his hands. She leaned into his touch, eyes closing.

"I never saw having kids until I met you," she confessed. "Then, I had this whole future planned out in my head. But Logan, I wanted kids after college and after I had my career started." She opened her eyes as she saw him contemplate what she'd said. "I want to be happy about this, but I don't know… Knowing there's gonna be a time when you're not here. I can't raise a baby alone." He sighed, this time he was the one to close his eyes. "I mean, we're having a baby, Logan." This time her voice lit up when she said it.

"I'm so excited," he then said, opening his eyes and looking at her. "I know you have a career to plan and goals you want to reach, and I know having a baby isn't going to help. But I'm here, and I'm going to help for as long as I can," he told her. "You have two months left of school and two months until the wedding, so it's not like we're having this baby in college. I can't believe we're having a baby." They looked at each other, the news being the only thing they were thinking of.

They weren't thinking about his mortality. They weren't thinking about what their families would think, or how long they were going to have together. The child they were having was the only thing on their minds. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it have Rory's eyes or Logan's smirk? Would it be blonde or brunette, would it have his adventurousness or her nerdy interests?

He smiled before kissing her, pulling her onto his lap. She straddled him, returning the kiss with just as much passion. "Mate, figured I'd stop by since you don't answer your phone anymore," Finn said, looking through the open door. They separated and she turned to face him, face beet red as Logan slid his hands out from under her shirt. "Why is it always me?" he then asked himself.

"Finn, don't you know how to use the doorbell?" Logan groaned. She saw Finn look between them and the counter a couple times, a look of confusion on his face. She turned away, resting her forehead on Logan's shoulder. This was not how anybody was supposed to find out.

"So, you know the activity you were about to participate in would make those tests a different outcome, right?" he said, leaning against the doorframe. "Unless you were celebrating a different outcome?" She smiled, moving off Logan and sitting next to him to face Finn.

"Rory's pregnant," Logan told his friend. She saw Finn light up, and before she knew it, he was sitting in front of them on the floor bombarding them with questions - most of which they could not answer.

"Finn, we just found out," Rory finally said, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Like an hour and a half ago kind of just found out."

"Well then," Finn responded, sitting up a little bit. "I'm happy for you guys, really." She was glad to hear it, glad to know somebody was on their side. Then, it hit her. She had yet to call her mom with the results. Lorelai was probably freaking out at that moment, considering the call ended almost two hours ago.

"I'm going to go call my mom real quick," she told the two, standing and rushing out to the living room, pulling her phone out of her pocket and dialing.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to call. Last I remembered, pregnancy tests only take like three minutes, not ninety," her mom scolded, but she could hear a hint of excitement in her voice. "So?"

"Well, I get home right and I rush right past Logan and lock myself in the bathroom. Pee on the sticks, sit on the floor while he keeps asking if I'm alright. Look at the pee sticks, and." She stopped talking, overhearing a snippet of Logan and Finn's conversation. It was about the future, what Logan expected of Finn if he were to die before his child was eighteen.

"And?!" Lorelai yelled. Rory smiled, excited to get to tell her mother. Despite her apprehensions, she decided that this was indeed a good thing.

"You're going to be a grandma." Her mother squealed on the other side of the phone. "We're probably going to tell Grandma and Grandpa at dinner on Friday. And I'm sorry to tell you this, but Finn found out before you."

"Finn as in drunk all the time Finn? How the hell did he find out before your own mother? I'm hurt, babe." Rory could tell it was mock hurt, but she found it funny.

"He stopped by to talk to Logan and put two and two together when he saw the tests. I've got to go, but I'll talk to you on Friday. I'm pretty sure Finn's trying to convince Logan to name this kid after him." She hung up, making her way back into the bathroom.

She knew she had to make a doctor's appointment to do a final confirmation, but she knew that could wait a day. She also knew she didn't want to tell too many people before she was out of the first trimester, knowing it was the most iffy time during a pregnancy. She sat next to Logan again, Finn still smiling about it all.

"You, Rory Gilmore, not only managed to tame the wild beast that we all knew as Logan Huntzberger, but now you're officially trapping him with a child. I'm impressed." She smiled, knowing Finn was only half joking. "Now, I'll let you guys get back to celebrating, but call me Huntz. We need to hang out with Colin some time soon. He's feeling neglected, I now not so much considering I was the first to know about baby Huntz." Rory smiled as Finn stood, walking out.

"I love you," she told Logan, kissing him. He pulled her on his lap, resuming the activities they were going to participate in before Finn interrupted. They were having a baby, and she couldn't have been more excited in that moment.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: I know this is like my third update in the past 24 hours and I feel like I'm on a roll. That might be the insomnia talking. However, thank you for all the wonderful comments and reviews. As usual, it really does mean a lot to me and keeps me motivated. I'm pretty sure if I didn't have you guys, this would have been abandoned long before now, and as a reader I hate to get really invested and then for it not to have been updated since 2010.

A few little tidbits and teasers: You will be seeing more of Finn. I fell in love with his character and have been trying to find the right time to fit him in, and here it is. Logan's conversation with him plays a huge roll from here on out, even with Logan still being alive. A part of me wants to apologize for you all thinking the next update is going to be 'the one.' I like keeping you on your toes. Thanks to Droolia, roganjalex, jordana60, and eschoenh for your constant reviews. I look forward to reading them. And thank you to the wonderful Estelle for her essays in the review sections. I really appreciate all of you who read this and who comment. Again, it really does mean a lot to me. Now, enough of my rambling. Here's the next chapter!

She made an appointment for the next week. They sat in the waiting room, surrounded by extremely pregnant women with their significant others and children. And here they were sitting, and her mind was focused on Logan. All these other couples seemed to be happy, and she wanted to be happy too, but she was losing Logan. She hadn't let herself think it for the past week, but now that's all she could think.

"You okay, Ace?" he whispered in her ear. She didn't answer, hand resting on her stomach and the other entwined with one of his. She just closed her eyes, trying to will the thoughts away, trying to escape the happiness in the room. It was nauseating, partly from the morning sickness. If she didn't know she was pregnant before, then she sure did now. She didn't understand why they called it morning sickness when she was getting sick at all hours of the day. Morning, during class, after class, on her way to class, in the newsroom, at dinner, after dinner, when they were watching the news, the middle of the night, her list could go on and on.

"Lorelai Gilmore," the nurse called out from the doorway. Logan stood, helping her up. She smiled at him, knowing he just wanted her to be feeling better. She remembered after about the fourth day of morning sickness when he didn't know what to do and called her mom. He didn't know she'd overheard him, but she did. 'Is this what she went through with me? I swear, Lorelai, it seems like she's gonna die with how often she's getting sick.' It broke her heart that he thought of it that way, but she also knew it was partly true.

The nurse led her to one of the exam rooms and then checked her weight and vitals. The woman's brow furrowed, but she didn't say anything. "Go ahead and have a seat, the doctor will be in shortly." She did as the woman asked, sitting on the exam table. Logan stayed standing next to her, holding her hand.

"I love you," she told him with a small smile. He kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too," he replied. "You didn't answer my question earlier. Are you okay?" She shrugged. She knew what she wanted to say, but it sounded so stupid.

"You'll think I'm stupid," she muttered, but she knew he could understand her. He looked at her quizzically. "Just sitting out there with all these ladies and their significant others being happy, and out of habit, my mind thinks 'That's going to be us in six months,' and then I realize there might not be a six months and it makes me just not wanna be around them because they know for sure they're fiance or boyfriend or husband or whoever is going to be there for them, and I just…" She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. He pulled her up and sat in one of the chairs, pulling her onto his lap. Her head rested in the crook of his neck as his arms wrapped around her.

"It's not stupid," he told her softly, kissing the top of her head. "How about this. Instead of thinking six months ahead, let's think next month. I'm not going to leave you in a month. So, we think about April. We have April Fools day…." He thought for a minute, trying to think of other things that would come in April. "We have Luke's birthday. We have probably a couple of doctors appointments for both of us, and you know I'm going to be here with you for each of those next month. We have our engagement party…" As he continued to make a list of the small things they'd do in the next month, she felt herself calm down. She closed her eyes, breathing him in. He kept talking, and she knew the topic had changed, but she didn't know what it was. It wasn't important, she knew that much. If it was, he'd have made sure he had her attention.

The door opened, revealing a woman in her forties. She was about the same height as Rory, a little bit heavier with her black hair cut in a bob-style. "I'm Doctor Andrews. And you must be the new parents," she said with a smile. Rory lifted her head from Logan's shoulder, looking at the woman with a small smile. "If you could just move up to the exam table," she told Rory. She obliged and Logan moved his chair next to the table, still holding her hand. "So, a few questions to start off with. When was your last menstrual cycle?"

Rory thought about it, trying to actually remember. Despite planning and tracking almost every aspect of her life, she wasn't one to track her periods. "I think it ended like the third or fourth of February," she finally said as Andrews wrote it down.

"And you think you're pregnant. How many tests did you take?"

"Three. My mom told me which ones to buy because I had no idea." Logan smiled, squeezing her hand.

"Is there any chance you have an STD?" Had she asked this when she and Logan first got together, she would have said it was a possibility. But she had complete faith in him, and she knew she hadn't cheated.

"No. I've been with Logan for going on three years, and we've been exclusive for most of that time." Logan nodded, not disputing.

"Are you having any problems right now health wise, related or unrelated to the possible pregnancy?"

"Don't get me started on the morning sickness. It's all day every day sickness at this point. I can keep some things down, but other things just come right back up," she admitted. She'd been able to keep fruits and vegetables down - oh the irony - but almost everything else was a no-go.

"Okay," she hesitated a moment as she took some more notes. "Go ahead and lay back for me and lift your shirt up to the bottom of your bra." She did as she was told and Andrews moved the ultrasound machine on the side Logan wasn't sitting on. "This is going to be cold." The doctor squirted the gel onto her stomach, and she tensed for a moment. It was kind of like how it was in the movies where the doctor said it was going to be cold and the patient never believed it and then froze to death. She put the wand on her stomach, moving it around.

She couldn't make out anything, so she glanced over at Logan who was entranced by the screen. "So, you're not going to see much. I'd say you're about five weeks along." Rory turned her head back towards the screen. "We can't make out much except two things. This is your baby," she said, pointing to a blob. "And this," she turned the sound on, "is Baby Gilmore's heartbeat."

The sound that filled the room brought tears to her eyes. It was real now. They're baby was real as she heard the strong thuds of its heart. Logan squeezed her hand as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to sob. When she felt strong enough, she looked over at Logan. He had a smile on his face, and she could see tears streaming down his face.

"Your due date is an estimate, but I'd say December sixth or so." It seemed like so far away, so she thought back to what Logan had said, think about it a month at a time. She printed the ultrasound pictures, handing them to Logan. As she cleaned off Rory's stomach, she spoke. "I'll send in your prescription for your prenatal vitamins to the pharmacy of your choosing. Stick to the foods that you can keep down, throw in some toast, rice, and yogurt. Drink lots of water, Lorelai." Rory pulled her shirt down and sat up. "Do you have any questions?"

"Not questions," Rory then said. "I do have a couple requests though." Andrews looked like she was listening intently. "To begin, can you guys call me Rory. I don't go by my full name." Andrews took note. "And it's not Baby Gilmore," she then said. Andrews looked slightly confused. "We're engaged, and it would make more sense to call it what it really is, Baby Huntzberger."

"Okay," she said, taking final note. "I have that all written down. Your next appointment will be set up for April sixteenth. Is that alright?" Rory nodded. "I'll see you then. And congratulations on both the engagement and the baby." When the doctor left the room, Rory looked at Logan who still had tears on his face. She reached her hand up, wiping away his tears before cupping his face.

"That was our baby," he said softly.

"Yeah, it was." It was all so much more real now. They saw and heard their baby, they had a due date, they had an appointment the next month. It was so real. "I don't want to tell anybody else. I know we've gotten out of Friday dinners for now, but I just want to wait a little longer." He nodded, kissing her softly.

"I love you, Ace," he told her as he helped her up. When they walked out of the exam room to the waiting room, she looked around. Logan was going to be there with her next month, and they had pictures of their baby. That's what mattered.


	19. Chapter 19

Logan walked into Max Martinez's office at nine in the morning. He had told Rory to go ahead and go to class, that he could handle his doctor's appointment by himself. All his mind could focus on, though, was their baby. He didn't want to miss a moment of their child's life, but he didn't want to raise a child to see him suffering the entire time.

"Logan, Max is ready for you," the receptionist said, opening the door for him. He made his way from the waiting room through the door. He'd gotten to known most of the staff at the office, and he not only liked the people but also the atmosphere. The one thing he didn't like was having to fly down to Baltimore for every appointment, and Max always gave Logan an earful when he had to fly up when Logan was in the hospital.

He took a seat in the same chair he had all those months ago, looking at the seat Rory had sat in. Not the best day of his life, that was for sure. He wondered if he'd ever apologized for yelling at her. He made a mental note to tell her.

"Logan, how are you? How's Rory?" Max asked as he walked in, taking a seat behind the desk. It was as if he was talking to a friend, not a doctor.

"I've been doing pretty good, considering. Still tired a lot, still sweating through the mattress, but not as much," he said, before a smile broke out. "Rory's pregnant."

"Oh really?" the doctor replied with a smile on his face. "You are one lucky man, Logan. I know you went through the process of freezing your sperm in case you guys wanted kids, but you did it on your own." Logan just laughed. It was a decision he'd made without Rory, a decision she didn't even know about. He wanted to know that someday he might have a child. "How's that going?"

"That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about," he admitted, smile wiping off his face. "I know you've said from the beginning it would be a good idea to talk to someone - a professional - about everything. I think it's time." Max nodded, typing on his computer for a minute before Logan heard the printer start up.

"I have some colleagues in Connecticut," he said, standing and walking to the printer. He grabbed the papers before walking back and sitting down. "I suggest Melanie Short. She's been doing this for twenty years, has seen countless situations - some very close to yours. Anybody on this list would be a good match, but I think she'd be the best for you." He highlighted what Logan could only assume to be her contact information before handing him the papers. He looked and saw that he was right. "Now, I've been looking over your latest lab results that you had done a few days ago."

Logan wasn't ready to hear this. He was never ready, always afraid he was going to be told his cancer was growing again or that he had another infection or that his life was going to be cut down even more. He took a breath, waiting for whatever news he had.

"Your ANC has lowered again. You're at a slightly increased risk for infection, so avoid crowds, watch what you're eating, all that fun stuff. It's not as bad as it was back in November, but it's not what we want to see. Your PET Scan is scheduled for next week in Hartford with Doctor Williams. He'll call you with the results within a couple days after that. Logan," Max said and Logan looked up. He'd been listening, but not looking at the man. "Have you considered going through treatments again, now that you have a child on the way?"

To be honest, he had thought about it, extensively. He'd even gone as far as to make a pro-con list. God, he wanted to be with his Ace and his baby and to watch it grow up and to have that forever. But he didn't want his child's memories to be him laying in a hospital bed or being too sick to go to the t-ball games or the dance recitals. He didn't want his child to hate that Daddy can't be there because Daddy can't get out of bed.

"I'm going to talk with Doctor Short first," he told Max. "I'll see you next month." He stood and walked out, deciding he'd call to make his next appointment. He didn't want to talk with Clarice the receptionist, he didn't want her smiles and her pitty. When he got to the car, he climbed in the backseat and told the driver to take him to the airport. Pulling out his phone and the piece of paper, he called Doctor Short's office, making an appointment for the next day.

The entire way home, his mind was stuck on Max's question. He tried playing every scenario in his head except for the one he wanted the most. He wanted to beat this, he wanted to raise his child and be with Rory, he wanted to grow old and to die a happy man, not a twenty-six to thirty year old. But even with treatments and fighting, he knew there was a slim chance at that happiness.

When he got home, Rory was laying on the couch, one leg stretched out, the other bent. He tossed his jacket on the chair, lying between her legs. His head rested on her chest. One of her arms wrapped around him, the other running through his hair. Neither said anything. He squeezed his eyes shut as he started to cry. He knew he'd cried a few times since his diagnosis, but nothing like this.

She didn't know what had happened, but she'd never seen him like this. The blank look on his face as he laid down, him holding onto her like she was going to slip away. She'd never heard the heart-wrenching sobs come from him, and she didn't know what to do. For the first time, she really didn't know what to do.

He woke up the next morning, both of them still laying on the couch. He looked up, seeing she was still asleep. He didn't want to wake her, so he stood slowly, making his way to the bathroom. His mind still was focused on the day before, still focused on those possibilities that he wanted. When he got out of the shower, he got dressed and left a note for Rory that he'd be back later, that he needed to clear his head, which was true.

He got in the Porsche, driving to the address he was given for Doctor Short's office. He wasn't expecting what he saw when he got there. It was a small house in a town called Essex, overlooking the Connecticut River. He parked in the driveway before climbing out and knocking on the door.

When the woman answered, she did so with a smile. "You must be Logan," she said softly. "Come on in. I'm Melanie." She was easily in her sixties, white hair pulled up in a bun. She wore jeans and a button up shirt with an apron over it. "Go ahead and have a seat, make yourself comfortable." She shut the door as he made his way into the living room, taking a seat on the couch. It was homey.

"So, Max filled me in on some things, but left others out. I know your diagnosis - Stage 3 S Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma - and prognosis. I know you have a very supportive fiance. Tell me about her," she said, sitting in one of the armchairs. It didn't feel like talking to a therapist, it felt like talking to a friend.

"Her name's Rory," he said with a small smile. "I call her Ace because she's a reporter at Yale and has always wanted to be a reporter, so she's my ace reporter." He looked up at the woman who was smiling. "I'd never been in a relationship before her. I was a person who felt like feelings would tie me down, but I was so wrong. She's everything I ever dreamed of."

"How did you two meet?" He closed his eyes, the smile still on his face.

"A friend of hers bartended for me when I was in college. I ran into him, and she was with him. The second time we met, I couldn't even remember her name and she yelled at me for being rude to her friend Marty - that's his name. And we got into this heated debate and I turned to her and I asked 'wasn't that fun.' I just started to fall from there. I proposed at home. We'd had friends and some family over because I was feeling better and wanted to get my mind off it all - the treatment. And she said yes. We're having a baby." he then said, eyes opening to see Melanie looking at him.

"So she's pregnant?" she asked rhetorically. "That must be hard on both of you, with you and then bringing a life into this world. How are you handling it?" He took a deep breath. He kicked his shoes off, pulling his legs up on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. He didn't want to say it, saying it made it too real for him. "Logan. I'm going to assume this is the main reason you wanted to talk to someone. I know it's going to be hard to talk about it, but let me be honest with you for a minute." He looked at her. "I was pregnant when I lost my husband," she told him. "It was a car crash, but if there's anybody who will understand your feelings about this, it's me."

"My dad brought up the idea of kids a few months ago," he told her. "We really didn't talk about it, we never thought it'd happen. I decided that I was done with chemo and treatment when I finished my first round. I know I'm going to die," he finally admitted. "I know I'm going to die and I didn't want to be miserable the entire time. The treatments landed me in the hospital a couple times. The first was from dehydration, the second was an infection that caused a tear in my esophagus. She came in the bathroom, and I saw the look in her eyes and she was so scared. Our bathroom is mostly white, and there was just so much red… So much red." He closed his eyes, trying to push those images out of his mind. She didn't say anything as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"We had a weekend at the Vineyard back in February for Valentines. I had taken her last year, and it didn't end well. My father showed up and sent me to London for a business trip. I hate working for him sometimes, but he's let up since the diagnosis. No more business trips, but he has me doing a lot of work from home. And she's been juggling school and the newspaper and wedding plans, so I thought it would be nice for us to have a break. When we got back, it got hectic again, but we had an unspoken agreement. We made sure we made time for each other again. One day she came home when she was supposed to be at class, obviously freaked out about something and told me she wasn't feeling okay, and went straight to the bathroom. Five minutes later I'm leaning on the door, asking if she's okay again and she opens it and I look between her and the tests and she tells me."

"How did you react?" Melanie then asked him.

"On the outside, I held her for an hour as we sat on the bathroom floor. She was crying, and I knew I had to be strong for her. But I was scared, I still am. I'm terrified. I thought the worst thing that could happen when I had a kid was to end up like my father, never did I think that I wouldn't get to be there for everything. My father wasn't there growing up, he was always working, but I'd rather be like him than be dead. One of our friend's stopped by that day and we told him. When Rory called her mom, I talked to him. I'm so afraid of not getting to be there, so I made him promise that if I couldn't be there, that he would. Finn's been my best friend since we were kids, so I didn't know who else to ask."

"Why do you think Finn would be the best choice?" she then asked. "And tell me more about him. You said he's been your friend since you were kids?" He thought of all the trouble he'd gotten into with Finn by his side.

"Finn and I met when I was at, I think it was Andover. Yeah, Andover. He was the transfer kid who came from a rich Australian family - the Rothschild's - and I was a Huntzberger, so it was pretty much set up that we'd be friends. He took to our group pretty well, and then it was me, him, and our friend Colin, but Colin was a stick in the mud compared to Finn. We had taken a year off from Yale together to sail around the world, and we were in Fiji. Finn being Finn decided he wanted to go ahead and leave, but I was the only one who knew how to drive the yacht. And when he tried, he hit a reef and sunk the yacht. There's this thing about Finn, though. He pretty much always has a blood alcohol level above zero, but he picks up on things nobody else does. He knows everything despite everybody thinking he's just a crazy drunk."

"So, Finn's more fun loving than Colin. Wouldn't you want Colin looking after your child instead, then?" He smiled, knowing there was more to his answer than Melanie probably thought. He put his legs back down, leaning back into the couch.

"It's not that Colin is more responsible, even though that's a fact. It's that I know that if I hadn't stolen Rory's heart, Finn would have. They're so close, and from the beginning, I knew he fell for her just like I did. I know there's one person who loves her as much as I do, and it's him. And I know he'd be there for her more than anybody when I'm gone and I know he'd help raise my child with so much love and with no questions asked. That's what our conversation was about that day. It was me telling him I knew he loved Rory, and him denying it until I told him it was fine. I knew he wouldn't do anything, but I knew he'd be there for her and I made him promise."

"I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer it honestly, not that you haven't been. But this question is going to be hard for you to answer. If you relapse, given the new situation with a child, will you resume treatments?" He knew she was going to ask, and he didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to answer.

"As much as I want to live, as much as I want to fight, I don't want my child's memories of me to be me in a hospital bed hooked up to IVs and going through chemo and being sick all the time. I want my time with them to be happy, and I know towards the end it's not going to be the happiest. But I want to make the most of my time. If I live until they're six or seven, I want to be able to go to the games and the recitals or take them on vacations. If I live until they're two, I want to see as many firsts as I can. It hurts me to say this, it makes me feel as if I'm saying my child isn't enough to fight for. Is that what I'm doing?" he then asks, a look of confusion on his face. He didn't want that to be the case.

"Honestly, I can't answer that for you. That's an answer only you have, but I can say something that can help you figure it out. You seem to be a very brave man, Logan. You've gone through more in the past year than most people go through in a lifetime. You're having to face your mortality, and by the sounds of it, you seem to be a thrill seeker, so all these things you've done to defy death… You're now having to face them. But, here's the question you really need to ask yourself. Do you want to make the time you have left worth it?"

He wasn't quite sure what she was asking, but instead of letting him answer, she stood up. "Our time is done for today. Is the same time next week alright?" she asked. He nodded, slipping his shoes back on and grabbing his coat. "Logan, talk to Rory. Don't shield her from this, because I know you want to protect her, but it will end up hurting her. I'll see you next week." With that, he walked to his car, a text from Rory on his phone.

 **Hope you're okay. Tried calling a few times, but you didn't answer. Finn's over, so we'll see you when you get home. I love you - Ace.**

A/N: Putting this at the end for obvious reasons. I know this was a lot of dialogue, but it felt necessary. I wanted you to see inside Logan's head if only for a chapter. I got the idea from some later chapters I've been working on. Let me know what you think because this chapter feels a little risky to me. Thank you for all the comments so far, I appreciate them all.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: A chapter you all have been waiting for. Good, bad? Read to find out! Next chapter will be a continuance, so no worries about that!

"Mom," she said softly, looking at herself in the mirror. This was it, this was their big day. The past month had been a blur of appointments and school and graduation. She closed her eyes, remembering her graduation day. It had been a few days before and now she was standing in her wedding dress while her mother clasped the necklace behind her.

"You look gorgeous babe," her mom then told her with a smile. "And if that boy's jaw isn't on the floor, then he's got a problem." Rory turned to face her mom. The woman who stood in front of her had tears in her eyes, and Rory clutched her stomach while her mom held her other hand. "You're gonna do great."

"I can't believe I'm getting married," she said softly. "I can't believe we're having a baby." She wasn't showing quite yet, but she could tell the difference and so could Logan. He always made her feel special, but now, his hands were on her belly all the time. She loved it, how he'd lay behind her, one hand on her stomach the other entwined with one of hers. How she'd be laying on the couch and he'd join her, his head on her stomach. He was obsessed, and it made her smile.

"I can't believe it either, kid." Her mom enveloped her in a hug before pulling away. "It's like only yesterday we were in the shed at the Inn. Now you're getting married and having a baby, and you're not my baby anymore." Her mom started crying, and Rory didn't know what to do.

"I'm always going to be your baby, Mom," she told her. Lorelai wiped away the tears and put a smile on her face.

"Okay, come on. You have a wedding to participate in." Rory smiled as her mom took her hand, leading her out of her bedroom and to the Jeep. After fighting with Emily for weeks, she'd finally relented and allowed them to have the small wedding they'd wanted. She still didn't know Rory was pregnant since they'd managed to get out of dinners for one reason or another. Her mother started driving to the town square, not very far at all, but far enough for Rory's mind to wander.

She thought back to when Logan came home that day from his doctor's appointment and had broken down. He told her later that everything was fine and that he'd just had a rough day, and she understood. She'd never seen him break down so completely, had never seen him so destroyed. But she'd been there, been in his shoes, so she could understand. She remembered him coming home the next day, eyes rimmed red again. She'd been sitting on the couch with Finn watching a movie, but as soon as he walked in looking disheveled, Finn left.

" _Logan," she said softly, standing and walking over to him. His eyes held the blank, glassy look she'd seen the previous day. She cupped his face with her hands, making him look at her. Tears rolled down his cheeks again. "What's wrong?" He didn't answer, just wrapped her in a hug, his head resting in the crook of her neck with his arms around her waist. She wrapped her arms around him, running circles on his back._

 _They'd stood like that for a few more minutes before he pulled away and made his way to the bed, stripping down and pulling on some sweats before laying down. She followed him, laying next to him. He looked at her, this time on his own._

" _I'm scared," he told her. "I thought I was scared about dying, and I am, but that's not all. I'm so scared that our child isn't going to know who I am."_

" _Oh, honey," she said, pulling him close. His head rested on her chest. "I'd never let that happen." He wrapped one arm around her waist, both of them laying there._

" _Rory," he said softly. "Do you think that me sticking by my decision is right?" She looked at him, slightly confused. "Or does it seem like I'm saying our baby isn't enough to fight for?" She couldn't answer his question, so she kissed the top of his head instead. She didn't understand where all this was coming from. Of course she didn't think he thought that. She knew he wanted to die with dignity, didn't want to die in pain. But she didn't know how to tell him that._

" _I think what you're doing is the right thing," she managed, and she knew that was enough._

Exactly one week later he came home and told her he'd been seeing a therapist and that's why he was upset the week before. She was glad he was getting the help he needed, glad that he had someone there who was trained to handle it all.

She felt the Jeep stop and she looked out. People were already sitting down, waiting for the big show. She could see Logan standing off to the side with Colin and Finn, smiling and laughing. When her door opened, she stepped out and took her mom's hand.

"You ready?" she asked ask Logan took his place in the gazebo. The wedding march began - a compromise with Emily - and Rory smiled.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she responded. As the two women made their way down the aisle, Rory saw how Logan looked at her. A smile was on his face and she could see tears brimming his eyes. This was it, this was what she'd wanted for so long. And now, she was about to have it.

She could feel everybody's eyes on her, but all she could focus on was Logan's. When they took hands, she smiled, reaching up with her free hand to wipe away the tears she saw spill over. They turned to face the minister, none other than Kirk who had gotten ordained for this special event.

"We are gathered here to watch these two young lovebirds fully commit to each other in everything they do. Now, these are not my words," Kirk said, Rory giving him a confused look. "These are Logan's."

"Ace," Logan then said. "Rory Gilmore, my Ace. I never thought I'd be standing here both physically and hypothetically, to get married. I never thought I'd find the woman of my dreams, but I did. I found everything I could ever ask for in you. Ask me four years ago, I'd tell you I'd be working for my father and partying with my friends. Never could I have thought I'd be here professing how much I love you to our friends and our families. I love you, Rory. I told you this when I proposed, but I love you. Everything you do, everything you are. And I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you." This time it was her crying. They had agreed to write their own vows, but this was too much for her in that moment. A mixture of hormones and joy bubbling over in tears. His hand came up to cup her cheek as he wiped away the tears.

"I usually don't cry like this," she said, the audience chuckling along with her. "I was raised here, hearing the story of the two lovers from two separate counties, from two separate worlds, that fate brought together. I never thought I'd have a love story to rival. When we sat on the bench across the yard, watching Ms. Patty's dancers, you asked if it reminded me of anybody. It did and still does. Small town girl falls in love with heir to fortune. That didn't sound right." She saw Logan smile. "But our story is one that may not last for centuries or become a fable. It will, however, be told by those here with us. It will be told by us and by those we bring into the world. Never have I thought I could be as in love with you as I am now."

"Do you Logan Elias Huntzberger, take Lorelai Leigh Gilmore to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Kirk asked. She met Logan's eyes and he smiled.

"I do." Two words. Two simple words that would tie them together forever. He slid the wedding band on her finger.

"And do you, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, take Logan Elias Huntzberger to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Kirk then asked. She smiled back, knowing this was it. She was going to be with Logan forever.

"I do," she finally said, mimicking Logan's earlier actions and sliding the ring on his finger.

"Well then. With the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut and the internet, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Just kiss her already," Kirk finished. Logan's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him as her arms hung around his neck.

"I love you," he said before their lips met. Full of passion and love and longing, they were finally married. They were finally together and nothing could ever take that away from them.

"I love you too." Two, three, and four words, all of which showed how much they truly loved each other.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: So, a couple things. 1) Kirk? Yes, Kirk! What better way to have them get married than in Star's Hollow at the gazebo by none other than the loveable dork we all know as Kirk. 2) The dress. I'm going to be honest, my descriptions when it comes to wedding dresses are sub-par and that's giving me some credit that I sorely lack. I'll leave you to see it how you want, but this is what I saw when writing it ( /Product_oleg-cassini-ruffled-chiffon-wedding-dress-cwg732_all-wedding-dresses) I never thought I'd be an author who had to put links for something. What has the world come to? This chapter is just more fluffiness! As usual, I love your reviews. Every time I check my email I'm just hoping for another one. So, here's the next chapter!

"Have I told you how beautiful you look?" he whispered in her ear as they swayed on the dance floor of Ms. Patty's studio. _Moon River_ was playing around them and everybody was watching. She just smiled, kissing him softly. He smiled against her lips before they separated, foreheads leaning together. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said. He smiled before pulling her closer. They stared into each other's eyes, lost in each other. This moment would be cherished forever, and they both knew it. This was the moment she'd look back on with the fondest of memories. When the song was finished, they made their way to their seats to listen to the speeches that would be made for them.

"I'm Lane, maid of honor and best friend of the bride. I could tell you so many stories that would embarrass her. But I think a few words will make her blush enough. Let's see…" Lane paused, a look of contemplation on her face. "I can't think of any right now, but what matters is that you probably thought of some and that's embarrassment enough. Oh, I remember. Remember how I'd sneak over to your house and my mom didn't know, but yours did, and we would pig out on junk food. And there was that one time, oh god how could I not think of this just a few minutes ago. There was this one time, we were on such a sugar high, we thought it would be an awesome idea to break into Luke's to get coffee. I'd say we stole like five bags worth of it." Rory looked over, Luke giving her a glare. He had questioned Lorelai when the coffee went missing, but never could he imagine that it was Rory's doing. "We always talked about our weddings, Rory. I married my rebel, and you got your prince charming. I guess fairytales do come true. To my best friend and her husband. May the time you have be filled with happiness." Rory wiped away a couple tears. She knew she was going to cry, but it was too early for it. It was too early for her to be blubbering like a baby.

"Most of you don't know me, but I'm Logan's best mate," Finn said, obviously tipsy. "We've known each other since Andover, and boy I could tell you stories about this man right here," he said, motioning his hand to Logan while holding a glass of champagne the other holding onto the mike-stand. "I have been the one fortunate enough to walk in on him in some compromising positions in the past, some including our lovely Rory here. You got a good catch, Huntz." She heard Logan groan beside her and she just laughed. "We've done some crazy things, mate. Headmaster's car in the pond, Vegas multiple times, sinking the yacht."

"That was all you, Finn!" Logan yelled, but Finn shushed him. She smiled, seeing Logan smile as well.

"That doesn't matter. But the craziest thing you've done man, didn't involve me. The craziest thing you've done is fall for this wonderful Sheila. I've never seen you happier, so enjoy it!" More people they knew came up and talked as the rest ate, but the best was saved for last.

"I never thought this day would come," Lorelai said to them. "I guess I wanted to pretend you'd always be my little girl, the one who would hole up in the room or in Anthony's book store, but you're not. You've grown up to be an amazing woman, someone with more compassion than you know what to do with, someone who's dreams guide them. I never wanted the life I had growing up to be yours, and I never in a million years thought you'd choose it on your own. But I can see how happy you are, babe. I can see how happy he makes you and how happy you make him, and I couldn't wish for anything better than this for you. I know he's going to be there for you, and that's all I could ask for. All I could ask for is for you to be happy, and baby girl, you're the happiest woman alive." Logan squeezed her hand as she wiped away the tears. She'd been crying all night despite her desperate attempts not to.

The rest of the night was spent mingling with their friends and family, eating cake, and genuinely having a good time. They didn't leave each other's side, and she wouldn't have asked for anything else. As the night continued on, his tie was loosened and she'd ditched her heels. They managed to sneak away for a minute after being passed around from person to person, hiding around the corner by Luke's.

"You look gorgeous, Ace," he said, capturing her lips in a kiss. His hands held onto her waist, pulling her close while her arms wrapped around his neck.

"You don't look too shabby either," she responded when they broke apart. He smiled, as she cupped his face with one hand. "How did I get so lucky?" He shrugged and she laughed. They stood like that, her back pressed against the wall, his hands on her hips. If one word could describe them in that moment, it would be bliss. If only for a night, they could be the happiest people on the planet. They could enjoy their time together, their time with their friends and their family. For the first time in almost a year, cancer didn't exist. It wasn't a concept in their minds. No, bliss won.

Their moment of intimacy was cut short by the shrill voice of her grandmother. "Would you two get back to the party," she demanded. "It isn't proper to just sneak away." Rory sighed as he kissed her once more before pulling away.

"I'm sorry, Emily," Logan said in his best society voice. "I just wanted a minute alone with my wife. I hadn't gotten to tell her how gorgeous her dress looked." Emily smiled as she lead them back to the party. Only Logan could diffuse a situation like that, but after that, all Emily could talk about was the dress.

The rest of the night was spent dancing and talking. Every once in awhile, he'd find a way to put his hand on her stomach and it made her smile, her hand covering his when he did. When the party disbanded, the two made their way to the Dragonfly where they were staying the night.

"I can't believe we're married," she said with a giddy smile when he shut the door behind them. "I can't believe we actually did it." Her face lit up and he smiled along with her, kissing her passionately before she could go into a full-on rant. That night was all about them, the soft kisses and gentle touches.

The next morning, she woke up to him pressed against her back and his arms wrapped around her waist. She could tell he wasn't awake yet by how peaceful he was sleeping. Instead of standing, she closed her eyes and let herself imagine. It wasn't fairytales or princes. It wasn't of heroic ventures and slaying of dragons. No, this imagining was much different than her childhood days. This imagining was of what their baby was going to look like, how much they were going to take after their father.

They'd talked the past month, Logan adamant that it was going to be a boy, but Rory had a feeling, this strong feeling, that it was going to be a little girl. She could imagine their daughter with his brown eyes and her hair - as much as Logan insisted that any child they would have would have her eyes. She'd be smart and funny and witty and kind. She'd be so adventurous and Logan would be there every step of the way. He'd be there for every recital and to scare off every boy who even thought about dating her. This was an imaginary land where cancer didn't exist and happily ever afters did.

"Morning," he mumbled, kissing her shoulder. She was pulled out of that imaginary land to the world of a loving husband. She smiled as he loosened his grip so she could roll over and face him.

"Morning to you too," she replied before pressing their lips together. "I think I could get used to this."


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: This is the longest its taken me to do an update, and for that I apologize. Things were really crazy yesterday. I had to deal with a severe injury at work for the first time as a supervisor and it kinda shook me up. You really don't know how to deal with situations like that, so when they happen, you kind of panic. It carried on past my shift, though, and I've just been having to process. Thank you for all the reviews, and I hope you don't hate me too much for a couple of reasons.

Rather than go the traditional honeymoon route due to Rory's pregnancy and Logan's immune system, the two opted for a week at the Vineyard - a wedding gift from Mitchum. Despite Shira's protests of him attending the wedding, he had gone which Rory knew made Logan happy. For once, his father was being his father, not his boss. Shira on the other hand, she was told to either be happy for them or not come. She chose the latter.

"It's mind boggling to think that three months ago we were here and we made this," Rory said with a smile as they snuggled on the couch, her hand on her stomach. She looked up at him, and he smiled at her before kissing her softly.

"What do you want to do today?" he then asked her as he took her free hand in one of his. She thought about it, trying to figure something out. It had rained for most of the day, so she didn't want to venture outside. Neither of them did, honestly. It was too gloomy.

"Well, we do have a fully stocked fridge and Mom did send us with all the candy necessary for multiple movies," she said, hinting at the one movie she wanted to watch in that moment.

"Willy Wonka?" he asked and she just nodded, a smile on her face. He leaned down, kissing her softly before standing up to get the food and put on the movie. She was glad to have the next two weeks with Logan. Sure, a week on the island with him might become a little cramped, but she was sure they'd find ways to relax the situation.

He laid out the spread of candy and leftovers before turning the movie on and taking back his seat next to Rory. She grabbed a bag of Red Vines as she snuggled into his side again, eyes fixed on the movie. She didn't notice that he was watching her more than the movie, or how he smiled when he noticed her mouthing along to the words. When the movie did end, she realized he was looking at her.

"What?" she asked, confused as to what his fascination was. Shouldn't he have been watching the movie? He knew the Gilmore - now Gilmore-Huntzberger - movie rules. No pausing, no bathroom breaks, no heating up food, and always watch the movie. "Do I have something on my face?" she then asked, wiping off whatever she thought might have been there.

"Am I not allowed to stare in awe at my beautiful wife?" he replied with a smirk. Rather than answering, she pulled him in for a kiss. "I guess I need to stare more often." She smiled, pulling him in for another kiss. When she pulled away, his eyes were half closed and a smile on his face. She bit her bottom lip before standing and leading him to the bedroom.

She guided him to the bed, only their hands touching and still sending fire through her. Not breaking eye contact once they were in the bedroom, she slowly pushed him until the backs of his legs hit the bed and he sat down. That night, they memorized each other in a new way, slow kisses, lingering touches, nothing rushed, nothing forced, nothing done without love.

Three months passed since that night. Three amazing months of love and devotion and happiness before reality came crashing down. She was six months along, starting to show. Her mom was jealous, Rory not having gained any weight besides in her belly. It was almost as if someone put a volleyball under her shirt.

"Logan," she said, walking into the apartment. They had been looking at houses, knowing the apartment wouldn't work once the baby was there. She had been expecting him to be sitting at his desk, typing as he worked on the next action plan for his father. However, when she looked, he wasn't there. "Logan?" she called out again. He would have told her if he was going out, and she knew he didn't have a doctor's appointment or a meeting with Melanie.

She sat her jacket down, looking around the apartment. The lights were off and the place was filled with silence. As she made her way further in, her foot met the ground with a crunch. Looking down, she saw she was stepping on glass. Her heart started racing as she kept walking. He was sitting on the couch, leaning back and staring straight ahead with a blank look on his face. She put her hand on his shoulder, but he didn't move, so she walked around the couch to stand in front of him.

"Logan?" she asked softly, getting on her knees in front of him. His cheeks were tear stained, his eyes rimmed red. His hands were shaking. "Honey?" Still no response. "Logan." He opened his mouth to say something, before shutting it again. She took his hands in hers, feeling them continue to shake. "What's going on, you're scaring me." He squeezed his eyes shut. Her mind automatically thought the worst, and she prayed she was wrong.

They stayed like that for several more minutes before she broke the silence. She had to know. "Is it…? Are you…?" She didn't know how to phrase the question. She didn't know how to ask him if he was dying. Rather than receive words as an answer, she received what she could only describe as a choked sob. Tears sprang to her eyes. "Come on," she said, standing and pulling him to the bed where she sat, leaning against the headboard while he laid down, his head resting on her lap. He held onto her legs as he bordered between catatonic and hysterical. Occasionally, she would hear him cry, other times he didn't move or make a sound.

She ran one of her hands through his hair, the other held onto his arm, not wanting to ever let go. As they sat there, she could feel the baby kicking as if a reminder of what she was gaining and what she was loosing. How long did he have? Would he be there to see his child be born? Would he get to see the first year? Would he get to be happy if only for a minute? How long did she have left with him?

" _Logan!" she practically yelled as she stood at the counter in the kitchen. She had been making herself a snack when she felt it. It was nothing she'd felt before. He rushed in, concern and worry in his eyes. She just grabbed his hand, putting it on her stomach. Waiting a minute, she felt it again and a look of pure joy flooded his face._

" _Is that…?" he asked and she just nodded. Their baby had been playing soccer with her bladder the past couple weeks, but this was the first time it decided to turn and let Logan feel._

That was a little over a month ago. A month ago, they had their future ahead of them. Now, it was crumbling down around them. She didn't know if she could do it. She didn't know if she could watch him die. She didn't know if she could raise their child by herself. But she knew both were going to happen, she knew she had no choice in either option. This was her life.


	23. Chapter 23

" _Logan," Max said over the phone. He'd had labs done earlier in the week to check everything and had another PET Scan. "I have the results from all of your tests." He expected the usual - low ANC, no spread. "You've relapsed," the man said. "I'm sorry. When you come in next week, we can go over your options." He hung up the phone, his mind going a mile a minute. The cancer was back._

 _He didn't even know what he was doing when he grabbed the bottle and threw it across the room. He vaguely heard it shatter as he fell back onto the couch. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there when the door opened, but he paid no attention. He heard her say his name, but he couldn't think of anything other than the fact he was dying. A hand landed on his shoulder, a part of him wanting to jump but the dominant part keeping him still._

 _She knelt in front of him and took his hands. He didn't realize he'd been shaking until her hands steadied his. He could hear her talking, but not quite making out the words. His ears were ringing. He was dying._

" _Is it…? Are you... ?" He couldn't answer. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. All he could do was let out a sob as the tears stung his eyes again. He was dying. He was dying. He was dying. The thought ran through his head over and over again. He was dying._

 _She led him to the bed where he laid down, holding onto her. He could feel her hands in his hair and on his arm. It felt like if he let her go, he'd float off. Eventually, he fell into a fitful sleep._

A few hours later, he woke up with a pounding headache. Rory was curled into him and he could see the tears still on her face. He wanted to believe the day before was all a dream, a horrible nightmare, but when it all came flooding back, he knew it was real. He knew that this was really happening. He knew that he was dying again, and that it was really going to happen this time.

He didn't want to move, he didn't want to wake her up and have her face reality. He could barely face it himself, so why would he subject her to that as well? He just held her close, breathing her in. He knew that despite the millions of thoughts in both their heads, one was close to the surface.

He didn't want Rory to be forced to raise their child alone. He knew she wouldn't be completely alone, and he also knew that she knew this as well. But in reality, she may as well be. When she talked about being raised by her mother, she used the word 'alone' despite the entirety of Stars Hollow backing them because it was just her and her mom, not her and her dad. It would be similar for their child. Despite all the love they would receive, Rory would be alone.

With this thought, came the sudden realization of something that should have been done a long time ago. He separated himself from Rory, grabbing his phone and walking to the bathroom. With the door closed, he called a familiar number.

"It's two in the morning. Somebody better be dying," Colin said groggily. Logan smiled to himself, but knew he was on a mission. There was so much he had to deal with, and now it seemed like with time so limited, it had to be done right this minute.

"I need you to help me write my will," Logan told him, coming out with it straightforward. "The cancer's back, Colin, and I need to do this." He heard his friend groan in a mixture of sadness and frustration. He understood how early it was, but time was just a social construct if you thought about it the right way.

"Come by the office in the morning. I'll get there at seven," Colin responded. A hint of annoyance lingered in his voice, but surely that was just because it was so early.

"Since when does McCrae have an office?" It was weird to think of them as growing up. Logan had a wife and a child. Colin had a good job at his father's firm while going to law school. Finn was actually starting to get serious about his father's hotel business - although he still partied hard. They were all growing up. He heard the phone line go dead and he sat the phone down on the counter.

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to lean on the counter as he took deep breaths. This reality wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to be dying. He didn't want to have a wife and a child who would be mourning him. He didn't want his future to be ripped away by something as horrible as cancer. He didn't understand why it had to be him. Out of everybody, why did it have to be him? But he realized that it could have been Rory. He couldn't bear to watch her waste away. It could have been Honor, Finn, Colin, his list could go on of people who this could have been happening to and who he couldn't bear to watch die. He couldn't bear the idea of that possibility, and he didn't understand how they were holding up. When he finally pushed those thoughts out of his mind, he made his way back to the bedroom, laying next to Rory. Holding her close, he allowed himself to sleep.

When he woke again, he found himself alone with a note on her pillow. _Went to Stars Hollow to see my mom. Need to clear my head. I love you. See you tonight. Ace._ He smiled, but was sad at the same time. He knew that this was a lot of her to take in, and he could understand her need to clear her mind. But he wished it wasn't that way.

He got dressed in khakis and a tshirt. He threw on his jacket before making his way to the garage. He made himself think of his meeting with Colin before he got there. He made himself think of all the things he needed to situate. He wasn't quite sure what he needed to do exactly, but that's what Colin did. When he arrived, he made his way to Colin's office.

"I'm here to see Mr. McCrae," Logan said to the receptionist with a smile.

"Third door on the left," she told him with a smile. He could see why Colin hired her, with the blonde hair and the well-endowed chest. "And if you need anything, let me know," she continued with a wink, smile, and a twirl of the hair. He turned away with a roll of the eyes as he made his way to Colin's office. When he walked in, Colin was writing in a legal pad.

"Hey, long time no see," Logan told him, sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Colin finished writing before looking up with a smile.

"Since your wedding, right?" Logan just nodded, knowing it was true. "So, let's get started. A few simple things - beneficiary, executor, and special requests. Pretty much, your will divides your assets how you'd want." Colin finished explaining. "So, how do you want to split your stuff?" He didn't have to think about it, not really.

"I want everything to go to Rory," he said. "The apartment, the house, the money. I want to set up an account for the baby. Obviously, not like a trust fund. Ace would flip a lid if I set up a trust fund. I want to set up a small amount that will build upon itself." It made sense to him. Not exactly a trust fund, but not nothing.

"The house?" Colin asked. Mental hand to face imagery. He hadn't told anybody what he'd done.

"Yeah," he said, dragging it out. "I kind of, maybe, sort of bought us a house. It's in Middlefield about fifteen minutes from Stars Hollow, but close enough to Hartford. I haven't told her about it yet. I wanted to surprise her." He saw Colin writing it down.

"Congrats, man," his friend then told him. "The infamous Logan Huntzberger finally settling down. She has you whipped, man." Logan just laughed, leaning back. He missed his friend. Too long had gone by. And now, without that much time, it made him seem to like it more. His phone started ringing, Ace flashing across the screen.

"Damn. Told you, whipped," Colin joked as he answered the phone.

"Logan?" the voice asked. He knew it wasn't Rory. He knew it was her mom, and it sounded like she'd been crying. "I need you to get to Hartford Medical. It's Rory." He dropped the phone from his hand as he stood up.

"Can you get it all typed up? Okay, thanks." With that, he walked out despite Colin calling his name. The worst thoughts raced through his mind, not sure what he was going to do. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't.

When he walked into the waiting room, he saw Lorelai sitting there with her head in her hands. When she looked up, he saw she'd been crying. Not sure what to do, he walked over and sat next to her. Her hand reached out and grabbed onto his.

"Lorelai, what happened?" he asked as she squeezed his hand. He still had worst case scenarios running through his head.

"We were walking through town and we were talking. She told me about you and your relapse. I was telling her about how me and Luke decided we're going to try and fix us. She was so scared." The elder Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut with a shuddering breath.

"Mr. Huntzberger," a woman said, walking into the room. He looked up. The woman was a doctor and she stood there with a clipboard. "Come with me." He stood, separating his hand from Lorelai's. The doctor led him to a separate room where he sat down.

"I'm Doctor Grant and I've been taking care of your wife. When she came in, her blood sugar was very high which caused her to become exhausted to a point. We've diagnosed her with gestational diabetes. She needs to eat healthy, avoid any caffeine - which should have been done as soon as she became pregnant - and to monitor her blood sugar."

"Can I see her?" he asked, calming down a little bit. She wasn't dying, but he had to see her. Doctor Grant nodded, leading him out of the room and down the hall. Rory was laying in the hospital bed with a gown. She was hooked up to an IV, but she was asleep. She was okay and he could see it, but why did it seem like things weren't okay?

A/N: Hope this explained a little bit. I find some humor in the different responses I got. Those who were confused and those who understood. It's okay to hate me, I promise. You'll probably end up hating me anyway. The stuff at work is getting better. I work in a restaurant and it was a serious knife injury, so we're slowly moving forward. I'm slowly being able to forget what I saw that night. It's going to be translating into this story soon I will tell you that. I use this as my escape, so I'm hoping to be able to process through my writing. As usual, enjoy and review. I love reading them from you all.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: It's been a couple days. My apologies. I took a mini-cation where I just needed to separate for a while. But I'm back! As always, leave your comments and reviews. It means a lot to me. Enjoy!

She woke up with a pounding headache, not sure where she was. She remembered being in Stars Hollow with her mom, talking about Logan. She obviously remembered his new death sentence. Groaning, she finally opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. It smelled like a hospital - a smell she was all too familiar with - and it looked like it. She could hear the beeping of the heart monitor and she could feel the IV in her hand.

"You're awake," she heard Logan say, his hand squeezing hers as she looked over at him. He was sitting in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs, leaning on the bed. He looked exhausted; he looked like he'd been crying. "How you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck. What happened?" A look of concern flashed on his face and she could only think the worst as her free hand went to her stomach. She could feel their baby playing soccer, so at least they were fine.

"You have gestational diabetes, Rory," he said flatly. "No more coffee, no more junk food, more exercise. Pretty much, going against the Gilmore Handbook. I know, you don't want to, but you have to." She nodded. His voice lacked emotion, lacked everything. He was flat.

"Logan," she said softly. He finally looked in her eyes and she saw everything he was hiding. "What're you thinking?" She moved her hand from her stomach to cup his face as he leaned into her touch.

"I thought I was going to lose you or the baby or both. I got a call from Lorelai and she couldn't tell me anything and when I got here she was so upset. I'm sorry." She was confused. What did he have to be sorry for? He wasn't the one that was laying in the hospital bed at that moment. He wasn't the one who scared her mother and her husband. He'd done nothing wrong. "Is this how you've been feeling for the past year? Is this how I've been making you feel?" It finally hit her.

"Every time we go to one of your doctors appointments, I feel like it's going to be it. Every time you ended up in the hospital, it felt like you weren't going to go home." Rather than answering her with words, he kissed her gently. She hated seeing him like this, hated seeing him worry.

She blamed herself. Her whole lifestyle was what put her in the hospital. Her whole lifestyle was what caused her to get so sick. She could have lost their baby. That was what was going through her mind. She could have lost their baby and it would have been her fault. The junk food, the coffee. Logan had told her to give up the coffee, but she'd been adamant. She'd refused. And now here she was, laying in a hospital bed.

"Rory, what's wrong?" he asked. She hadn't realized she'd been crying. Her hand rested on her stomach. She could have lost their baby. "Talk to me." His voice was soft, gentle. His hand cupped her cheek.

"This is all my fault," she said, matter-of-factly, still crying. "You told me to eat better. You told me to stop with the coffee. I didn't think this would happen, I didn't think…"

"This is not your fault, Rory. You can't blame yourself for this. This is genes, this is a one in a million chance of this happening. You can't blame yourself." She knew he was just saying that, and she knew he knew it as well. She knew she was to blame for this.

"How you feeling, Mrs. Huntzberger?" her doctor asked. It wasn't her normal OBGYN, and it was someone she hadn't met before. The woman wheeled an ultrasound machine in with her.

"I've been better," she answered. Logan removed his hand from her cheek, taking her free hand instead.

"I'm going to assume your husband filled you in on the situation. You're going to have to check your blood sugar regularly. Especially before and after meals. A nurse will be in shortly to show you how to do that. You need to start eating better, fruits and vegetables. Try to stay away from the carbs, So, now that all the seriousness is done with, do you want to see your baby?" Rory smiled, nodding her head.

The gel was cold as always. But when the picture showed up on the screen, she lit up even more. She could tell where her baby was now, could see it's head and its feet. If it moved right she could see it's arms and hands.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" she looked at Logan. They hadn't really talked about if they wanted to know, but they'd had the running argument. This was how they'd finally put the boy or girl to rest.

"I want to know if you want to know," Logan told her. She kissed him softly before turning to the doctor, nodding her head 'yes.' Her doctor moved the wand around a little bit more before smiling.

"Congratulations. You're having a boy." A boy… She was shocked. She had been so sure it was going to be a little girl, but she was happy. Her images of that girl shifted. She could see his smirk - the one he'd get from his father. She could see Logan's hair, but her eyes. She could see him bringing home a girl for the first time, or the first time he got caught out after curfew. All these images flashed through his mind.

Logan's face was stuck in a look of shock. The doctor walked out, giving them a minute. "Logan," she said softly. He looked up at her, a smile on his face.

"We're having a boy, Ace. I'm going to have a son…" His voice trailed off.

"Don't let your mind go there, Logan. Don't think about it right now. Think about this, we're having a son. Just think about that," she practically begged him. She knew he listened when his posture changed, when his demeanor changed.

"We're having a son," he almost whispered, eyes lighting up. "We haven't chosen a name yet," he then pointed out. They'd picked out a name for a girl, but not for a boy. Despite Logan insisting it was a boy, her positivity of a girl outweighed his hunch. Apparently he was right.

"We have a few more months to pick out a name," she reminded him, knowing he was going to start a list of possible names. "Just promise me we won't name him after Finn." He laughed, pulling her in for a kiss. When their embrace ended, a nurse came in, showing Rory how to check her blood sugar and telling her what to do if it's too high or low.

She saw him on the phone, most likely with Finn or Colin. Her mom walked in, taking Logan's seat as he stepped into the hall. "We're having a boy," she told her mom.

"A boy?" she asked, dumbfounded. "Surely you're mistaking. Gilmores have girls, not boys - except your grandfather. He was the exception. You were supposed to have the next Lorelai," she then said. Rory knew she was joking, so she just smiled with a chuckle.

"Well then, we have another exception. Logan thought about not being there for him as soon as the doctor said it. I had to tell him not to think about it, but it's there. It's always going to be there." She sighed as her mother took her hands in hers.

"You guys are going to get through this and that little boy will know he has the most loving parents in the world." She hoped her mom was right. She hoped their son would know how much his daddy had loved him.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: A chapter you've all been waiting for. Thanks for all the reviews and keep them coming. Enjoy!

They were laying in bed. It had been two months after her diagnosis, two months after the news of his relapse. They'd gone a day at a time, knowing they needed to make the most of it. She didn't know about his meetings with Colin about his will or the house - Colin being the one to help him finish it up before he told Rory about it. They'd met with Max Martinez, talking about options. It had been decided that Logan wouldn't go through any unnecessary treatments. They knew there was going to be a high infection risk, knew it was going to get dicey at times. But they were ready to handle it. Max had sent them home with different pamphlets, all ones neither of them wanted to be reading.

His hand was resting on her stomach as her head laid on his chest. Their son had decided he didn't want to be still for longer than a few minutes at a time, leaving Rory out of breath as he continuously kicked her diaphragm. It was Thanksgiving and they were laying in bed at Lorelai's house. She'd finally replaced Rory's twin bed with a queen for when they stayed over. She could feel their son kicking hard, and so could Logan. He had a smile on his face.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked him, finally breaking the silence. Their day started at Luke's who had set them up with some breakfast pancakes. Then, they moved onto the Kim and Van Gerbig household for some Korean dishes. The twins were getting big already, and Rory couldn't believe that Lane was a mom. They swung over to Ms. Patty's for some beverages and then to Sookie's for the main course. By that time, Logan was nauseated, but he powered through like a champ. Rory tried to stay somewhat healthy, checking her blood sugar when she needed to, making sure everything was okay periodically.

"That was definitely something," he told her. She knew what Thanksgivings typically entailed for society children. Stuffy, boring parties where they had to form sub-parties until the food was served, at which point they'd be forced to sit through course after course of boring conversation and being told how much of a disappointment they were - or at least that was how Logan had explained it. "He is definitely being rough," he then said in regards to their son. They had the names narrowed down, but weren't going to make a decision until they saw him.

"Yeah, he sure is. I wish he'd just calm down for a minute for me to breathe." She closed her eyes as a wave of pain rolled over her. She figured it was just him kicking as usual. Logan rubbed her stomach in hopes to calm him down. He was definitely a daddy's boy, always calming down for Logan. But there was no luck this time.

"Ace, you okay?" he asked as another wave of pain wrapped around her abdomen. There was no way she was going into labor. Not now, it was too early. Way too early. Okay, maybe not way, but still too early for her to be comfortable. "Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"No, I'm fine," she assured, mostly herself. She knew Logan was worried, but she hoped it was just the fact her diaphragm was currently their son's soccer ball. She repositioned a little bit, trying to get comfortable so she could sleep. She groaned as another wave of pain wrapped around her, this time, she could definitely feel the crampy feeling.

"We're going to the hospital," Logan finally said after the fifth wave of pain. "I'm going to go get your mom." He stood up, walking out of the room. She looked at the clock. It was a little after eleven at night. Sitting up, it happened again, but it was different.

"Oh my god!" she practically yelled, fists gripping the sheets. _For sure a contraction_ , she thought to herself. She was having their baby. Standing, she walked towards the bedroom door when she knew she was in trouble. "Logan!" He rushed into the room as she was slightly bent over, both hands on her stomach. "My water just broke."

"What?" he asked, eyes wide. She walked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of her maternity sweatpants and a new set of underwear. "You mean you're having the baby?" Lorelai showed up behind him, obviously having just been woken up.

"No. My water breaking has nothing to do with me having this baby," she said sarcastically. She quickly changed, not liking the audience. "So, go grab the 'go' bag and then we will head to Hartford Medical," she told him calmly. Her contractions seemed to be spaced out at fifteen minutes, so she wasn't due for another for a little longer.

Lorelai left the two, Logan going over to Rory, helping her out to the car. Her knees buckled slightly as another contraction hit, Logan supporting her as she rode it out with a cry of pain. "You're never touching me again," she told him through clenched teeth. Once the contraction finished, they continued walking out to the car. Lorelai had put the 'go' bag in the backseat of the Porsche and was currently sitting in the Jeep.

"I'll meet you guys there," the woman said, pulling out of the driveway as Logan helped Rory into the car. She buckled up as he got in the driver's side. She thought of everything that was going to come. They were going to have a baby… soon. Sooner than they had originally anticipated. She was nervous. How were the three of them going to fit into that apartment? She knew they'd figure it out.

"Oh god," she groaned, doubling over as much as she could, almost halfway to Hartford. She squeezed his hand, trying to breathe through it. "Why does it hurt so much?" she asked, out of breath.

"We're almost there, Ace," he assured her. She knew he was lying, knew they had a little longer to go. Not that it really mattered. Their son wasn't coming out anytime soon, but she just really wanted drugs at that point. More like needed, especially when the next contraction hit and she cried out.

He parked the car in the emergency room parking lot, grabbing the bag as he got out. Walking around to the other side of the car, he opened the door, helping Rory out. She could see her mom's Jeep, knowing the woman would get there before them. Especially considering he had pulled over with almost each of her contractions because he couldn't drive with only one hand. And her grip made it where he was.

"Hello, my name's Logan Huntzberger. My wife is having a baby," he told the nurse when they walked in. As if on cue, another contraction hit. She squeezed her eyes shut, yelling in pain. She could feel him kiss the top of her head as he held her up.

She was brought a wheelchair where she sat down, still refusing to let go of Logan's hand. The nurse wheeled her up to the maternity ward where her mother was waiting for them. She smiled as she changed into the gown and laid down on the bed. An IV was hooked up and a fetal monitor wrapped around her waist. She knew she would have to wait a few more minutes before an epidural.

"How you feeling, Rory?" Linda Andrews asked as she walked in, pulling on a pair of gloves.

"In pain," she said. Wasn't that obvious? How else was she supposed to answer? It wasn't as if contractions were all sunshine and rainbows.

"Let's see how far along you are," she said, sitting on a stool at the end of the bed. "How long have you been having your contractions and when did your water break?" Rory's breath hitched as the doctor checked how dilated she was.

"Umm… My water broke about… an hour ago. I noticed some cramping this morning, but he's been… wow… umm…. Playing soccer with my diaphragm the past couple days, so I thought that was what it was," she answered. She relaxed when Linda stood up.

"Well, Rory. You're pretty far along. I'd say his soccer playing was labor this morning. You're about seven centimeters dilated." Seven centimeters? Logan looked at her, jaw clenched as she held his hand. "I'd say within the next few hours. I'll be back in a little while to check on you, but I'd rather not do an epidural because of how far along you are."

She groaned, not out of pain but because she couldn't have the epidural. As Linda walked out, she looked at Logan, her mom walking into the room. "Why didn't you say anything this morning?" he finally asked, sitting in the chair next to her.

"Exactly what I told Linda. I didn't think it was contractions this morning. He's been a little miscreant in there recently, and it's tiring and makes me sore when he won't stop. So sorry if I'm a bad mother for not knowing when I go into labor!" She was yelling at that point. Lorelai looked between the two, backing out of the room slowly.

"I didn't say you were a bad mother, Rory. You know I want to be there for you. You have to be able to be like 'Wow, Logan. He's really doing a number on me. It doesn't feel so good right now' and I would have told you to let me know if it got worse." He sighed. She knew she was overreacting.

"I'm sorry," she told him softly, pulling him closer and kissing him softly. She felt him relax a little. "You know I get crabby when I'm sick, and this is a thousand times worse." He nodded, sitting back down. She still couldn't believe she hadn't known she was in labor. As another contraction hit, she was glad they weren't like this earlier in the day.

Logan kissed her forehead as the contraction slowly wound down until it was nothing but a dull ache. After a few minutes, he sat back down, pulling out a notebook. She'd seen him writing in it every once in awhile over the past few months, but she never asked what it was. She probably wasn't going to. She knew that he'd tell her when he wanted to, and she didn't want to push it.

"Hey, babe," her mom said, walking in with a cup of what she could assume was coffee, an hour later. How cruel, her mom getting to have coffee and all she had was the ice chips. She debated pelting the elder Gilmore, but decided against it. "How's it coming along?"

"Still at seven. Linda says it's common for fast-pace labor to hit a stand-still for a couple hours. He finally got to sleep a few minutes ago," motioning to Logan asleep on the couch on the other side of the room. "Can't blame him. Wish I could sleep, but nope. Not to mention no drugs. Mommy, doctors are cruel." Lorelai laughed, sitting next to her.

"Besides the obvious pain, how are you?" She sighed, telling her mom that she'd apparently been in labor the entire day and not knowing, of her going off on Logan, of her feeling terrible that she hadn't known. "Babe, none of that is your fault. Every pregnancy is different, therefore every labor is different. You're a lucky one, I can tell you that. You got through nearly almost all your labor with minimal pain. I had sixteen hours, _sixteen hours_ , worth of pain with you." Both women laughed as another contraction hit her, this time worse than the others.

"Holy shit!" she cried out, startling Logan. Her hands gripped the blankets as her eyes squeezed shut. It continued for another minute before slowly dissipating. Logan had made his way over to her, rubbing her back, kissing the top of her head. When the contraction was done, he mumbled something about laying back down.

"Everybody who needs to know has been called. Your grandparents said they'd be by in the afternoon, I told your friends you didn't want anybody here until after the birth - Finn said he'd be by in the morning, birthed or not. Mitchum's out of town, so I left a message with his secretary, but I don't think she's just his secretary if you know what I mean," her mom informed her. She looked over at Logan who had easily fallen asleep again.

"Babe," Lorelai said, rousing Rory from her thoughts of Logan. He looked so peaceful and for a minute she could forget he was dying. For a minute, she could look at her husband with love and adoration without the feeling of impending doom. "How's he holding up with all this?" There went the lack of sad thoughts.

"He's writing again," she said softly. "I don't read what he writes. He has a journal now, and he writes nearly every day. I don't ask him about it, but I have a feeling that it's important. He's a good writer, Mom. Those few occasions where he'd write for the Yale Daily News… He gives me a run for my money, hell, he gives Christiane Amanpour a run for her money. I don't want to ask him about it, because I know he'll tell me when he's ready." She looked away from her mom and back to Logan with a soft sigh. Then, she turned back to her mom.

"It's been two months give or take, and I don't think he's fully grasped it yet. He goes about his day to day life like nothing's changed. He seemed so calm at Max's office when we went over treatment options. It's so unlike him."

"Have you ever thought that he actually has grasped it, and he's been able to come to terms with it?" She knew that was most likely the case, but she didn't want to think that it was true. She didn't want to think that he was finally okay with dying. Another contraction hit and she cried out in pain. She knew they were getting closer together, and she just wanted the pain to stop. Logan woke up again, taking his place at her side.

"Okay, Rory. Let's take a look again," Linda said, pulling on a pair of gloves as she walked in. A minute later she spoke. "We're going to go ahead and get you to a delivery room. Logan, you can go ahead and come with us, but Lorelai, you're gonna have to wait in the waiting room." She looked up at Logan who had a big grin on his face.

"You ready for this?" Rory asked him and he just nodded as he squeezed her hand. She was wheeled into the delivery room where her legs were places in the stirrups. Logan stood by her, hands still linked with hers.

"Okay, Rory. With each contraction I'm going to need a big push, okay?" Linda asked. She just nodded, knowing this was it. This was the end of her pregnancy and soon she'd be holding their son in her arms. As the next contraction hit, she gave a big push, yelling in the process and squeezing Logan's hand. He stroked her hair, giving her words of encouragement.

Leaning back, she took several deep breaths. "You got this, Ace," he told her, kissing her forehead. She nodded. Giving birth was painful, who would've thought. With the next contraction came more pushing. "He's crowing," Linda told her. It seemed to go on for an eternity. Between the contractions and the pushing and Logan encouraging her not to give up, it seemed to last forever. Until she heard her son's first cry.

Tears came to her eyes as Linda held him up for her to see. His hair was so blonde, just like his dad's had been. She knew it would darken to the dirty blonde Logan had now. He was gorgeous, their son was beautiful. The nurses checked him out, cleaned him up, and handed him to Rory. As she held him, she realized she held her future. Nothing was going to be the same, and that was fine with her. The baby she'd grown to love over the past nine months was now in her arms.

She handed him to Logan who had tears in his eyes. A smile on his face showed her exactly how happy he was. He was a natural with their son, and she knew what his name was. "I think we need to make a decision on his name," she told him, wanting him to tell her.

"I'm thinking Elias. He looks like an Elias, not a Finnegan," he said with a smile. "Hi, Elias Richard Huntzberger." It fit. Originally, she wanted his middle name to be Logan, but he had been against it. He said it was too weird having practically the same name as their son. So, they opted for the alternative. If Logan's middle name was his grandfather's then Elias' would be his great-grandfather's. It fit, he looked like an Elias Richard. He looked like their son, and she had fallen in love all over again.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews. It means a lot. A couple things. 1) Estelle: you're reviews have been posted. I hope you like this chapter. 2) Droolia: Because it's not going to come up in the story, for both Rory and Logan, tradition has meaning. Rory was named after her mother and great grandmother. Logan's middle name is his grandfather's. As much as it would have meant for Eli to be named after Mitchum or Christopher or even Finn, for Rory, having Eli share a name with Logan meant something, and Logan wasn't too keen on a second Logan, so this was her way of keeping him with her a little more than just with their child. As always, I enjoy your reviews and I hope you enjoy!

"I don't know," he said softly, sitting on the couch he was oh so familiar with. Melanie was in the chair that she always sat in, a cup of tea in her hand. "It's been a week since we've moved into the house and it just feels right. And I hold my son, my Eli, and it's like I'm holding the world in my hands. I love him so much and I love Rory. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing anymore. I know I'm doing the right thing for me, but am I doing the right thing for my family?" He thought back to when he showed Rory the house for the first time.

" _Logan, where are we? I just want to get Eli home and go to bed," she groaned as he pulled her into the house. The other hand was carrying Eli's car seat. The weeks leading up to the birth of their son were spent in and out of the house he'd bought. Colin helped him finish the final touches while Finn kept a very pregnant Rory company._

" _Trust me?" he asked. She rolled her eyes at him, but nodded. He knew she was on a short fuse with the little sleep and the pain she still had. He never understood the toll pregnancy and birth could take on a woman until she broke down the first time._

 _He opened the door and led her into the house. It was a four bedroom, four bathroom in a nice neighborhood. It was an hour outside of Hartford and only a half-hour drive to Stars Hollow. It wasn't anything big by any means, but it wasn't small either. The ground floor held one of the bedrooms and one of the bathrooms, along with the dining room, kitchen, and living room. Upstairs were the other three bedrooms and bathrooms along with a den. It came with a finished basement which was split two ways - a gaming area for him and the boys and a home theater for her and the girls._

" _Logan, where are we?" she asked, looking around. Her eyes were wide, a smile on her face. "This place is gorgeous." He sat Eli's car seat down for a minute, taking her hands in his._

" _Would you believe me if I told you this was our house?" She looked at him shocked before tears started falling down her cheeks. "Hey," he said soothingly, pulling her close in a hug. "Why are you crying?" He kissed the top of her head as he held her in their hug, waiting for her crying to die down._

" _I'm just so happy," she finally mumbled into his chest. A smile broke out on his face. "You did this? You did this for us, for our family?"_

" _Yeah, I did, Ace. I knew that apartment wasn't going to cut it for much longer, so I did this around the time of your birthday. Colin helped me finish it up." He knew this was their 'forever' home, and he was glad she seemed to love it._

"It's normal for you to second guess yourself," the older woman finally told him, pulling him out of his thoughts. "It's human nature to want to live, to want to survive. I'd be worried if you weren't second guessing your decision. I remember I asked you a question that first meeting we had. Do you want to make the time you have left worth it? I'm asking you this again because you weren't able to answer it then. Answer it now." He thought about it, not sure what his answer should be.

"Of course I want to make the time I have left worth it. I want to be there for Rory and for Eli, and I want to do it on my terms. I guess, it wouldn't be fair to them for me to be in the hospital all the time like I was the last time, but I still feel selfish. I know it's the best, but it still feels like I'm choosing my comfort over their happiness." He sighed, laying on the couch.

"Logan," she said slowly, setting the cup of tea on the table next to her, "everything you just said makes sense. But I feel like you're doing the right thing, Rory thinks you're doing the right thing, the only person who doesn't is you. I know you're scared. Dying is a scary thought. Think of this. What was going through your head when you jumped off the cliff in Costa Rica?" He didn't have to think hard about that. He thought about it all the time.

"I remember being so angry about the situation with Rory. She was so mad about everything, and was just pushing me away. I thought it would be a fun thrill." He sucked in a sharp breath. "I had way too much to drink. I don't even know why Finn or Colin let me jump, but they did. But as I was fumbling for the parachute and as I was hitting the rock face on my way down, all I could think about was the future I could have had with her. I thought about all the 'I love you's I should have told her, or the times where I wish we hadn't have fought. I thought about my life and how unsatisfying it was, how I partied and slept around just to rebel. I thought about how stupid I was being with my youth."

"You have that life with Rory. You're successful, you have a child now. You aren't doing things just to spite your father or her anymore. You're doing things for you, and that's okay. It's okay to not want the treatment. It's okay to realize you're finally okay - to an extent - with dying. Have you been doing what I suggested when you relapsed?"

"I've filled up a book and a half, Melanie," he said, a small smile creeping along his face. "I've written every day, saying the things I know I'm not going to be able to. I started writing to Ace, too. Another book filled up. I guess it gives me peace of mind to know he'll hear things from me and not just about me."

"I want you to keep writing, Logan. Even on the bad days, because those are the days you're going to need it the most. I'll see you next week, but Logan," he looked back at her as he was about to leave. "Remember, think of what's best for you." He nodded, giving her a smile before walking out. He hated that she didn't give him the answers he needed, she didn't tell him flat out what he needed to do. He hated that she made him think about it, made him question it all.

When he got home, he could hear the television playing in the living room. Slowly, he crept in a smile on his face when he caught sight of what was going on. Rory was laying on the couch, Eli asleep on her chest as _The Wizard of Oz_ played. He could see her eyes were closed, so he assumed she was asleep as well. It had been a little over a month since he was born, and he was getting bigger every day.

Christmas had flown by and they started making their traditions. Christmas pajamas, gift opening, family. He was too young to remember any of it, but Logan would have those memories with his son. He'd remember.

He shut off the television, kneeling down next to the couch. He looked at the two, both asleep peacefully. Gently, he took Eli off Rory's chest, holding him close. The boy slept like a rock, just like his mother.

His hair was so blonde. Logan remembered seeing pictures of himself with the same blonde. Eli yawned gently and Logan couldn't help but smile. His son was beautiful, chubby cheeks and all. He was also so calm, taking in his surroundings. Sure, he could wail like a banshee, but what baby didn't.

He repositioned himself to where he was sitting on the floor, leaning back on the couch for support. Holding Eli in one arm, he traced his son's face with his other hand. He was so small still, so fragile. But he was strong. When he would grip Logan's finger, it felt like he had a grip on the world. He was holding his head up for a few seconds at a time now. When Logan first saw it, he was amazed. So many milestones would be coming up in such a short amount of time.

He thought of the letters he was writing to his son and to Rory. He had started writing them around the time of his relapse. It was his way of feeling like he'd always be in his son's life. He had written a few already, for some of the firsts. He wrote one for the first date, for the first car crash, for the first kiss. He was currently writing one for the first birthday. He had written one on the day he was born, telling Eli all his hopes and dreams for him. He started writing to Rory not too long after, realizing it wasn't just Eli who would be missing him. He knew Rory would have problems, would have doubts that he needed to put to rest.

"Hey, buddy," he said softly to the sleeping baby in his arms. "You're getting so big. I love you, so much Eli. So much. I wish I could be there for everything. I wish I could chase the monsters away or hold you when you fall off your bike. I know it's not set in stone, but I know I won't make it that long. It's a gut feeling, that one. But I need to tell you this, every day. I need you to know I love you. That you're the best thing that ever happened to me. Shush. Don't tell your mommy that. But you are. You and your mom are the best things the could ever have happened to me, and I wouldn't trade you guys for the world." He could feel a tear slide down his cheek, saw it land on the blanket. "I'm going to miss so much of your life and it breaks my heart. I want to be there, I hope you can understand that. I hope one day you'll understand why I didn't fight. I don't want you hating me for that. I grew up my entire life hating my dad, I don't want you feeling the same way."

He saw the bundle stir, eyes opening slowly. Logan smiled, kissing Eli's forehead softly. Eli had his mother's eyes, so captivating and blue like the ocean's depths. He saw so much potential and life and happiness, he saw a future in those eyes. It pained him to know he wouldn't be part of that.


	27. Chapter 27

It was his first bad day, the first of many, she knew. It all started with her waking up to soaked through sheets. At first, she ignored it, not thinking anything of it. It didn't happen often anymore, rarely. But when she felt him tossing and turning, she knew it was for real. It wasn't her sleeping mind playing tricks on her. She sat up, resting her hand on his chest. He calmed down, but she could still tell his rest wasn't truly restful.

His skin was hot to the touch, reminding her of the first infection he had. It reminded her of their white bathroom stained red. It reminded her of sitting on her knees with cleaning gloves on, scrubbing the tiles until a pink foam covered the bathroom. It reminded her of the look in his eyes, of the fear in her throat. It reminded her of how real this was.

"Logan," she said softly, her hand moving from his chest to run her fingers through his hair. She felt him relax slightly before she spoke again. "Logan, you need to wake up." She shook his shoulder gently as his eyes slowly opened. It looked like they were made of lead, not opening all the way, half closed as he mumbled incoherently. "Go hop in the shower, babe." He stood up slowly. She'd never seen him move so slow. Once on his feet, he wavered, grabbing onto the headboard to steady himself.

When he left the room, she pulled the sheets off the bed, tossing them in the hamper. Tears stung her eyes as she pulled a new set on. Struggling with the third corner, growing frustrated, the tears started to fall. She couldn't understand why this was happening to them. She couldn't understand why, if there was a God, why He could allow any of this to happen. Why did it have to be Logan? Why did it have to be _her Logan_? Her head rested in her hands as she heard the shower run, the baby monitor humming as she heard Eli coo in his sleep.

The clock read two in the morning. It was too early for either of them to be awake, too early to have to deal with any of the facts of their reality. It was too early for her to be changing the sheets and for him to be in the shower. But life didn't care that it was too early. Life came at them like a charging bull, knocking them down and trampling on their hopes and dreams. Finally, she found it in herself to stand up and finish making the bed. She laid back down, staring at the ceiling and waiting for him to come back.

She felt the bed shift beside her and his arm snake around her waist. Slowly, she felt him relax until he was back asleep, but her mind refused to let her do the same. It focused on everything that was going to come, everything he was going to go through and suffer through for however long he had.

"This is the first of the bad days," her mind told her, and she knew it was right. She knew that waking in the middle of the night to soaking sheets wasn't normal. She knew it was always a sign of a bad day. As the sun rose, as she watched the sunrise through the window, her eyelids heavy, she heard the first cry of Eli.

He was four months old when Logan had his first bad day, and that was the first night he slept through. She didn't understand. It was almost as if he knew this was going to happen, almost as if he knew he needed to sleep through the night. But she also knew that was most likely the sleep deprivation talking. Of course their four month old didn't know.

"Hey, baby," she cooed as she picked him up from the crib, bouncing him gently to keep him calm. She didn't need him waking Logan up, not then, not that day. Slowly, she walked out of the nursery and downstairs. The pastel green walls shone with the sunlight, calming her. Eli's eyes looked around him, and he gurgled. "You a happy baby?" she asked, repositioning him to where he could look over her shoulder. Soothingly, she ran her hand in circles on his back. She wasn't sure if it was to soothe him or her, but both worked.

He started getting fussy again, so she walked to the kitchen, Eli still in her arms. Her feet were dragging, exhausted. She knew it wasn't good, it wasn't good that she hadn't slept or that Logan was sick. She knew Eli could feel it all, could pick up on the vibes they sent out, so she tried to stay positive, but also knew she needed to call somebody. She pulled a bottle out of the refrigerator, popping it in the bottle warmer Emily had gotten them. As much as she loved being able to breastfeed Eli, it got painful at times. And there were the midnight feedings that she could barely stay awake for, so formula was a good option. It allowed her to sleep, and it allowed Logan to be able to have that experience with his son.

As he ate, she leaned against the counter watching him. His eyes roamed, never looking at one thing for too long. One of his hands had a fistful of her shirt, the other latched onto her middle finger that held the bottle. For being so young and small, he was so curious of the world around him. He was constantly putting things in his mouth, staring at people and objects. He was starting to learn how to sit up, but still hadn't mastered it. She saw the pain in Logan's eyes every time Eli had a first - which weren't many at this point - but she knew she'd be seeing it a lot more. They both knew that Logan seeing firsts was very limited. In the back of her mind, she wondered if this would be Logan's last. With that thought came the knowledge that Logan thought the same thing.

She hadn't realized he'd finished the bottle until he started hitting it. With a small smile, she left the empty bottle on the counter and walked back into the living room. She had to call somebody, anybody. She knew that she couldn't watch him when she was this exhausted, it wasn't safe. She'd not been paying attention while he was eating, who was to say she wouldn't fall asleep on the couch and something happen to him. Sighing, she laid him on his back on the play-matt. His hands reached for the dangling toys, cooing as he did.

Picking up her phone, she dialed a familiar number. "Eli wake you up again, babe?" her mom asked, voice slurring slightly. Of course her mother was still asleep, why wouldn't she be? It wasn't like she had a baby that would wake her or a sick husband. "It's what... five?" Her mom was right.

"Can you come over?" Her voice was soft, hesitant. "I just really need you right now." The last word caught in her throat. A mixture of exhaustion, frustration, and sadness hitting her like a bag of rocks. She didn't hear her mom ask what was wrong or the dial tone when the other woman hung up after promises to be there in twenty minutes - despite the average drive time being thirty. Tears poured down her cheeks as she watched their son, oblivious to the world. The only thing he knew was that the toys were sparkly and colorful. He didn't know what cancer meant, didn't know of death or of pain. The worst pain he'd experienced in his four months was gas pain.

She did hear the door open and close. She felt her mom's arms wrap around her as the tears cascaded, the sobs barely held back by her clenched teeth. Closing her eyes, she tried to push all those thoughts out of her mind. She tried to remember the good times with her boys, or with just Logan. Anything to try and keep the impending death out of her mind. But none of it worked. All she could think of was a boy growing up without a father, of a funeral, of the sadness everybody would feel. She thought of a world without Logan, and it was a world she didn't want to experience. Nothing would be right without Logan.

"Shush," her mom said soothingly, holding onto her, pulling her close. She was a little girl all over again, needing her mommy's hugs and kisses to make the pain go away. She wanted to believe the pain would go away. Her mom kissed her forehead, head resting on hers as the cries slowly died into whimpers that slowly died into tears. Even when she thought she couldn't cry anymore. She heard Eli squeal in happiness. She wished she was that oblivious. And she was once she fell asleep in her mom's arms.

When she woke again, her mom and son were nowhere in sight. She stood, walking around the house until she found them in the nursery. Eli was asleep in the crib and her mom napping in the rocking chair. She owed so much to her mom, somebody willing to give up the world for her daughter. Now, she was willing to give up everything for Eli. She could finally understand why her mom left Hartford, why she gave up that future and the money for Rory. She did it out of unconditional love. Something Rory hadn't experienced until she held Eli in her arms. She liked to believe she had the same kind of love for Logan, but she knew it wasn't true. She knew she could never stop loving her son, but she knew that she'd move on from Logan - eventually.

She shut the nursery door, moving into the bedroom to check on her husband. He was splayed across the bed, laying on his stomach with one arm curled under the pillow, the other laying across her side of the bed. The blanket was pulled up to his waist, but she knew one leg was bent at the knee while the other stayed straight. It was his go-to sleep position. She sat on the bed next to him. Without waking, his arm moved out of her way as if he knew. And she knew that he knew to an extent. It was the same way she knew he was up and out of bed without having to look, or knowing that he'd gotten back from talking with Melanie or with his father. It was all in the vibes around them.

She rested one of her hands on his shoulder blade. His skin was still hot to the touch. She hoped it wasn't an infection, that it was just a temperature regulation problem. He couldn't get sick, not like that, not then.

"Morning," he mumbled into the pillow. She looked at the clock, closing her eyes as she took a breath. It was nowhere near morning. Her mom had gotten there around six that morning, it was now three. How had she slept that long?

"Morning," she said back, not wanting him to worry about missing the day. His numbers would be there the next. "How you feeling?" Her hand rubbed his back gently, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Tired." He didn't move, didn't open his eyes. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck." She gave a small smile, but worried more instead. He shouldn't be that tired, he shouldn't be feeling sick. He should be awake doing work, watching the news, playing with his son. Anything but what he was doing.

"I'll bring you some food," she told him, leaning down and kissing his forehead. He mumbled a response, but it was incoherent. As she walked downstairs, she pushed her worries down. It wasn't something she wanted to think about, not then.

The only soup in the house was chicken noodle, so it was a simple make. Put in a bowl and put in the microwave, simple enough. As the microwave worked its magic, she heard somebody walk into the kitchen with her.

"How you holding up?" her mom asked. Leaning against the counter, she sighed softly.

"I've been better. Logan woke me up at two with a sopping wet bed. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, so when Eli woke up I was tired as it was. Thank you for coming." She turned to face her mom who gave her a hug.

"It's no problem, kiddo. You know you can call me for anything. How's Logan feeling?"

"I think he's getting sick. If he's still like this tomorrow, I'm taking him to the hospital. I just can't lose him, not yet. Not while Eli's still so little." She hoped her mom understood. Even though she knew she'd never be ready to lose him, they all knew they couldn't lose him this soon. He still had so much left to see and do with their son. As the timer went off, her mom let her go.

"I'm going to take this up to Logan. I'll be back down in a minute." She grabbed the bowl, putting it on a plate with a spoon before making her way back upstairs. Slowly, she pushed open the door. Logan had repositioned to where he was laying on his back, his head lolled to one side and his lips parted slightly. He looked so peaceful. She hadn't thought that in a long time, no need for her to see the peace in his sleep because he was peaceful in the waking hours. Today was different.

She sat next to him again, and his eyes opened slightly. He looked at her with a small smile, and she helped him sit up. "If you're not feeling better tomorrow, I'm going to have Finn watch Eli and I'll take you to the doctor." He started to protest, but she cut him off by handing him the soup. "We need you to be healthy for as long as you can, okay?" He gave her a look of understanding as he started to eat.

As she watched him, her hand rested on the blanket covering his leg. She could feel the heat radiating through the material and she inwardly sighed. That wasn't good, none of it was. Him feeling sick, having woken up to a soaking bed, his sleeping all day and barely wanting to eat.

 _It's just a bad day_ she tried to think, to rationalize what was happening. But there was no rationalizing it. It may have been a bad day, but there were going to be more to come. They were going to get more frequent. She just hoped this wasn't the start of that downward spiral. She hoped for just a little longer.


	28. Chapter 28

The circles under his eyes never left after that day. They were an always present part of him, like his scars and his pain. It had turned out to just be a bad day, a very bad day. Another didn't come until March. Rory had left the two at the house to go visit her grandfather who had become ill. She didn't think anything of it at the time, Logan having been fine up until then after that day in December.

She was leaving her grandfather's hospital room, glad to have spent time with him. He wasn't the same as he used to be, so much frailer, so little life or energy. She couldn't think of the possibility of losing him, dead set on thinking that he was going to get out of the hospital and go home despite the knowledge that he wasn't. He wasn't going to go home, not that time. She was glad for the time she'd had with him, but she wished for longer, wished for Eli to have longer with him. Her phone ringing brought her out of his thoughts.

"Hello?" she asked, not recognizing the number. Leaning against the wall, she heard a commotion around the caller. "Hello?"

"Oh thank god! I've been trying to get ahold of you, Rory," Mitchum said. His voice was strained, stressed. She could hear a child in the background. Was that Eli?

"Mitchum, are you okay?" she responded, standing up off the wall.

"I'm fine, but it's Logan, Rory. I don't know how soon you can get to the hospital, but it's not good." Her body went ice-cold, head spinning. Rather than saying anything, she just shut the phone and made her way down to the emergency room. When Mitchum came into view, her heart dropped even more - if that was even possible.

"Mitchum?" she asked tentatively, walking up to him. Eli was sitting in his carseat still, so she unbuckled him and picked him up. He was seven months old, getting bigger everyday. His hands grabbed onto Rory's hair, but she didn't pay attention. She just smiled and gave him a kiss before turning back to Mitchum. "What happened?"

"We were supposed to have lunch today," he told her simply, as if he was telling her what the weather was. "When he didn't show up, I went to the house and when he didn't open the door, I grabbed the spare key." She held onto Eli a little tighter, his hands still playing with her hair. "Eli was screaming his head off, and I found him in the playpen, so I went looking for my son. Rory…" For once, his voice faltered, and she knew what he found wasn't good. "I found him at the bottom of the stairs."

She felt herself sit down, but didn't comprehend it. Holding onto Eli, she could feel her heart skip a beat. He'd passed out before, but it had been over a year since he'd come back from London. It had been over a year since she got that call from Colin. A year… Oh, how much could change in a year.

"Can…" She tried finding her voice, trying to keep the tears back. "Can you take… Take Eli to my mother's house?" He just nodded, taking the boy from his mother. He was crying, reaching out for her, but no matter how much her heart was breaking for her son, she knew he was coming back. She knew she was going to hold him again and tell him she loved him. She had to be there with Logan. She had to be with the person she was losing.

"Mrs. Huntzberger?" a nurse called into the waiting room. She looked up, her neck hurting from being hunched over. Glancing at the clock, she saw three hours had passed since Mitchum left with Eli. It had been three hours of torture for her, all the possibilities running through her mind.

"Yes," she managed to say, her voice too quiet for the woman to hear, but she gave a look of understanding.

"You can come see him if you'd like. I'll fill you in on the way." Rory nodded, mumbling a thanks as she walked with the woman. She was in her forties, reminded her of Ms. Patty. "He took a good fall," she finally said, breaking the silence. "He's got a concussion, a few broken ribs, some tears in the muscle of his left shoulder. Pretty bruised and he's got some scrapes and bruises, as well as rug burn." It was too much for Rory to handle as the nurse filled her in on her husband's multiple injuries.

"Do we know what caused the fall?" It had taken her a minute to be able to ask the question she didn't want an answer to. All the injuries, she knew they wouldn't compare to the reasoning behind it all. All the stuff on the outside would heal, everything on the inside wouldn't.

"Anemia. While we were looking at white blood cells and ANC, it's common to overlook a red-blood cell abnormality." She nodded. "It's caused by the cancer, but it's manageable." The woman opened the door to the private room, ushering Rory inside. When she entered, she couldn't breathe. He was laying the bed, blankets pulled up. A splint was on his wrist, bandages on his arms and neck. She saw the cuts on his face, as well as the bruising. An IV was hooked up, as well as a blood transfusion. He looked so weak, so pale.

She took a seat in the chair next to the bed, taking his hand in hers. God, she hated this. She hated having to be the doting wife, hated that he was in the hospital, hated their entire situation. If she could, she'd be throwing things across the room. She'd be yelling, cursing, doing anything to get rid of this anger that she felt. She squeezed his hand gently before kissing it softly. She could see the rug burns on his palms.

And then another piece of reality hit her. He had passed out and fallen down the stairs. He was in the house alone with Eli when it happened, and if Mitchum hadn't had plans with him, who knew how long he would've been there. Who knew how long Eli would have been sitting in his playpen, wailing until somebody showed up.

The heart monitor beeped rhythmically as she held onto his hand. It was time to have somebody at the house, even for just a minute check-in. She needed to look out for both Logan and Eli, and this was it. She felt him shift slightly, a wince coming across his face. As his eyes slowly fluttered open, a look of confusion followed.

"Ace?" he asked, voice scratchy as he turned his head to look at her. She kissed his hand again, giving him a small smile. "What happened?" Before she could answer, a look of terror replaced the confusion. "Eli…"

"Is fine," she finished for him. "Mitchum came by when you didn't show for lunch. Your red-blood cell count is too low, so you passed out. Logan, you fell down the stairs." He closed his eyes, head falling back as he took a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I… Eli…" She stood up, leaning over the bed slightly.

"Look at me," she commanded, and he followed instructions. She let go of his hand, cupping his face. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about. Eli is fine. You're going to be okay. They're going to get you all better and then you can come home, okay?" She knew the smile she gave him was just a ruse to make him believe the words she was saying. But neither believed them. He wasn't going to get better, not completely. Gently, she kissed him. His hand rested on the back of her neck, keeping the kiss until they separated for air after lungs started screaming for it.

One hand stayed on his cheek, the other was tracing the new cuts on his face. Her thumb brushing against his bottom lip. He kept his eyes closed as she memorized him, something she'd been doing since the initial diagnosis. His hand reached up, holding onto the wrist of the hand that was resting on his cheek.

"I love you," he told her as they held their position. She'd miss it. She'd miss the late night conversations, the sound of his voice, the way he stole the sheets, watching C SPAN, stealing the newspaper only for him to steal it back. She'd miss all the small things that had become routine, that had become ingrained in their lives.

"I love you too." He moved over on the bed enough for her to fit, and she laid down with him, her head resting on his chest. She felt him tense up before relaxing, most likely from the broken ribs. "I think we need to call one of those numbers Max gave us," she told him hesitantly. "I think it would be a good idea to at least have somebody checking in for now." His fingers twirled in her hair.

"I agree." She could tell he didn't. She could tell he didn't want to feel like he couldn't be himself, that he couldn't take care of his son. But she didn't need to come home and find him dead on the floor, or another fall that happened hours before. She didn't need to have to worry about leaving their son alone with him, and she didn't want to. She didn't want to have to think this way, to have to think that Logan couldn't take care of Eli because she knew he could. But she also knew his health problems had already started limiting him.

It all started after the first bad day. He had gotten better, but walking hurt on some days. He said he could feel it in his hips. Other days, it hurt to breathe as if there was elastic around his chest. One day he had a migraine that kept him in bed or hovering over the toilet. He'd been lucky enough to not get an infection, but all the other small things… They caused changes to have to be made. The master bedroom was still upstairs, but they'd arranged the downstairs bedroom to accommodate them when he couldn't take the stairs. They'd put a crib in the living room so that if he couldn't take the stairs, he could still take care of Eli. She'd had to leave a list of numbers to call because he couldn't remember Finn's one day. A different day, she had to leave a note of what medications and how much to take because he'd forgotten the day before.

It was all adding up. She should have realized that the first bad day would cause a tail spin, but she wanted to be oblivious. She didn't want to have to think about it. She didn't want to have to worry if Eli was going to be okay or if Logan would remember what medications he needed to take or if he'd be stranded upstairs. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to get those swirling thoughts under control.

"I wasn't feeling too hot this morning, but I didn't think of it," he confessed. "I mean, I haven't been feeling the greatest most days, so I shrugged it off. If I had just told you I wasn't feeling good, or if I'd called Finn or Colin to come keep me company…" She knew he blamed himself for this, and she could see why.

"It's not your fault, Logan. You didn't ask to have cancer. You didn't ask to relapse or to be having bad days left and right. You can't blame yourself." He kissed the top of her head, his fingers resuming their work in her hair. She laid there, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, hearing his heartbeat not only through the reverberations of his chest, but through the heart monitor as well, feeling him close to her. For a moment she could pretend that things were getting better.

A/N: Jordana60- my inbox is always open if you need somebody to talk. I understand the feeling, I understand completely. In general, my inbox is open to anybody that needs to talk for any reason.

I will mention that this story is dying down finally. I'm not one-hundred percent sure how many more chapters I'm going to write, but I can tell you it will range from probably 5-10 not including the epilogue (which I already have written). I will also tell you that there will be a sequel! I'll give you guys more information on that as I finish up this one. As always, I appreciate your reviews - Completely ADORE them even when you guys are angry at me. Keep them coming, and I really hope you enjoyed this update, and expect a new one here soon.


	29. Chapter 29

"Logan, what about Eli?" she protested as she was getting ready for bed. Logan was already lying down, blanket pulled around him. He'd been cold recently, never able to get warm enough to be comfortable despite his flaming hot skin. She took the earrings off, setting them in the jewelry box before walking over to the bed and laying next to him. His arm snaked around her shoulders, and she let her head rest on his chest. One arm draped across his torso and she couldn't help but smile just a little bit.

"Your mom already agreed to watch him. It's our anniversary, Ace," he then reminded her. "I want to do something just you and me." At that point, his voice was nearly pleading with her. They both knew things were going downhill, especially since his fall. They'd called several of the hospice care services, finding the one that would work with them for as long as he had. His nurse, Michael, would stop by once a day to make sure things were okay. If Rory wasn't home, he'd stick around for a couple hours to make sure Logan had everything he needed. Occasionally, he had to help out, whether it be grabbing something from the top shelf or helping Logan down the stairs. Michael would be there until the end, and she thanked him for it every time she saw him. It was typically in a hushed voice, a sincere thank you that Logan never heard. He didn't need to, she knew he knew about her conversations with Michael.

"Okay." She finally relented. For just a few days, they could forget about it all. They could be a happy couple enjoying their anniversary and worrying about their son. It would be the first time they were away from him for any length of time, but she knew Logan had it all covered. His surprises always included a game plan for their responsibilities, and this was one of them. "So, where are we going?"

"You know I can't tell you that.. It would ruin the surprise." She could hear the smile in his voice, which, in turn, made her smile as well. "I miss our years at Yale," he then told her softly. "I miss all of it. I miss surprising you all the time, going out. I don't miss those fights we had, but I miss the idea that the world was at our fingertips."

She knew she missed it too. Life was so much simpler when they were at Yale together. Sure, it was only two years together before he graduated - and those two weren't spent entirely exclusive - but it was so simple. From her LDB article to Finn's birthday party. All of it was so much fun. She wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world. Those years together were the best they were going to have.

The next morning, she woke up alone. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, but she didn't hear any retching coming from the bathroom, so that was a good sign. She stood up, stretching and looking around. He already had bags packed for their trip which excited her. It was more real since he had the bags packed. The next day. It was the next day that they left for the undisclosed location. She smiled, reminding her of the LDB trip. Colin thought she could see through the blindfold, but it was just the reporter in her.

As she made her way to the nursery, she looked at the photos on the walls. It was bits and pieces from their lives together and separate. She saw a picture from his high school graduation, some of him and his friends. She saw ones with her and her mother, her and Lane, Stars Hollow in general. Then came the pictures of them. The London Party, the Felon Party, Finn's birthday party with his arm wrapped around Whitney and hers around Robert, some of them at the Pub or Rich Man's Shoe. All of them brought a smile to her face, not once faltering until she came upon their wedding pictures. She was happy, there was no doubt about that. It was the circumstances surrounding the wedding that made her smile falter. Would she have married him so soon if he hadn't have been dying? She couldn't answer that, a part of her never wanting to know the answer to that. She loved him, that's what mattered.

She opened the door to the nursery, the smile coming back to her face. Logan was sitting in the rocking chair, holding Eli who was babbling. It was a picture perfect moment, and she wished she had her camera or at least her phone to capture the moment. She leaned against the doorframe, watching the two who were oblivious to her presence. If there was one thing she loved more than anything, it was to see the two together. Logan was a natural when it came to raising Eli. And Eli was definitely a daddy's boy. From the time he started kicking, he'd only calm down for Logan. Now, he was so much happier around his dad. Always a smile on their son's face when Logan was holding him.

She saw their baby reach out, grabbing onto Logan's bottom lip and pulling. He just smiled, kissing the small hand that had a death grip. When Eli let go, Logan kissed his cheeks. "Can you say 'daddy'?" Logan asked, pulling away with a smile. He'd been trying to get Eli to say it for a couple months at that point. "Daddy," Logan said again, waiting as Eli babbled away.

"D-D…" Logan's eyes lit up as Eli babbled. "Da-da." Logan beamed with pride and Rory couldn't help but smile along.

"Looks like you won the bet," Rory finally said, Logan looking up at her with a smile still. He just nodded, going back to playing with Eli. She walked out, shutting the door behind her. It was their time and she'd seen plenty.

Making her way downstairs, she thought back to what she'd just seen. It filled her with happiness and joy to see Logan with Eli like that. For once, her mind didn't wander to the ever present guillotine above their heads. No, she saw a father and a son bonding. Even if Eli could never remember his dad, that memory was enough for her to never doubt Logan's love for his son - if there even was a reason to doubt it.

She wondered if her mom had memories of Chris like that. Did he ever spend time like that with her, allowing Lorelai to see the unconditional love he had for his daughter? It made her wonder about all the times he came back into their lives out of the blue, whether or not Lorelai could look back at one of those memories and forget all the doubts she had. Her mother had doubts, for sure. She'd told Rory never to get her hopes up when it came to Chris, and maybe it was because of the lack of devotion he'd had early on.

Her mind was occupied when she pulled the box of Pop Tarts out of the cabinet, popping them in the toaster. She couldn't get the heartwarming moment out of her head, and she didn't want to. She wanted those moments to stick with her because she knew she'd need them. There was going to be a day that she'd start to forget things about him, but she'd never forget him with Eli.

"Hey," she heard him say from behind her. A smile graced her face when his arms wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. Her hand found his, lacing their fingers together as they stood like that in the kitchen. Both in a state of bliss, both never wanting those moments to end. He kissed her cheek, her smile staying in place.

"So, he said his first word. As I said earlier, you won the bet," she told him. She could feel him relax against her, could tell in his words that he was happy without having to look at him.

"Another first. He's getting so big and growing up so fast. Six months old, Ace. Our boy is six months old." She nodded. "And he's only going to get bigger and older. He's down for his nap, by the way."

"I love getting to see you with him like that. So, we leave tomorrow?" It was his turn to nod. She smiled as she grabbed the Pop Tart out of the toaster, offering him a bite which he took without hesitation. "And you won't even give me a hint as to where we're going?" This time he shook his head. She let out a small sigh, taking a bite of the Pop Tart.

"And I already packed for you and put the lock on the suitcase, so you can't peek." Her brows furrowed. It was like him to do something like that.

"So, you mean when we arrive at this location I'll be wearing only lingerie?" He laughed, kissing her neck softly.

"Don't worry about that," he assured her. She took another bite of the Pop Tart and he took the second out of the toaster, claiming it for himself. They stood in the kitchen, his arm still wrapped around her waist, both eating their respective Pop Tarts. No words were said, both caught up in their own thoughts as they ate. When finished, however, things took a new turn in the form of a spin.

Logan spun her to face him, their lips crashing together. At first, she tensed up, but soon relaxed into him as their lips moved together as one of his hands found its way up the back of her shirt, resting in the middle of her back. Her arms wrapped around his waist, tongue tracing his bottom lip. Slowly, they made their way to the downstairs bedroom, Logan kicking the door shut behind them. For a little longer, they were just two people madly in love.

She woke again, this time, Logan was curled into her. She could hear Eli through the baby monitor, so she slowly detangled herself from Logan, careful not to wake him. His skin was still flushed, and she could feel a blush creeping along her cheeks as she pulled on the shorts and shirt that had been discarded on the floor a couple hours earlier. Making her way up the stairs, all her mind could focus on was what had just happened between her and Logan, a smile spreading with the blush.

"Hey, baby," she said softly as she walked into the nursery, pulling Eli out of his crib. He pulled on her hair as she bounced him gently. "What's up, buddy? Diaper change?" she suggested, laying him on the changing table. Unfortunately, she was correct. It was the one thing she disliked the most about having a baby. Diapers were not fun, in fact, they were nauseating and disgusting. Eli babbled, playing with his own feet as she changed the diaper. When she finished, she pulled him back into her arms and he pulled on her hair once again. "You hungry?"

She walked downstairs, making small one-sided talk with him. A smile on both their faces as she sat him in the highchair. He continued babbling as she pulled the baby food out of the cabinet before grabbing a bib and spoon from the drawer. She sat in the chair across from him, feeding him the squashed green beans. She didn't want to leave him, but she knew he would be fine with her mother and she also figured Logan had it figured out in case something happened.

"You both awake?" Logan asked. He was just in the sweats he wore earlier, opting out of the shirt. She nodded as Logan sat next to them, answering his obvious rhetorical question.

"I don't know if I can leave him for a whole weekend," she told him as she fed Eli another spoonful of the green beans.

"Ace, I've got it covered. Eli will be with your mom, whom you've trusted on a multitude of occasions to watch him. It will only be for a couple of days, and we'll have cell signal, so you can call each day if you'd like," he assured her yet again. She just nodded, continuing the task of feeding their son. She never truly understood separation anxiety until that moment, but she also knew she'd understand it even more when Lorelai would pick him up the next day.

And she did. Eli wasn't the only one in tears as Lorelai left their house with him in tow. Rory was as well, clinging to Logan who kissed her forehead and held her close. "We'll see him in a couple days," he assured her once more. She nodded, wiping away the tears. "Now, are you ready to go?"

It was two days worth of relearning each other on the beaches of Aruba. The aqua color of the ocean surrounding them, the feeling of the white sand between their toes. It was relaxful, peaceful. It was everything the two needed for their anniversary. She was glad to get that time with him, to be a couple in love. They called the two days they were gone to talk to Eli, to make sure he was okay. Rory realized she wasn't the only one who missed their son, but Logan had a way of hiding it better. Despite that, it was a perfect weekend followed by a week of perfection until it all came tumbling down again.


	30. Chapter 30

She sat on the bed, her hand resting on his arm. Heat radiated off him like a furnace, his skin shimmering from the sweat. Yet, there he was, shivering and pulling the blanket tighter around him with the occasional cough racking his entire body. She'd sent Eli with Finn, knowing she needed to take care of Logan and she couldn't risk Eli getting sick if it was a virus.

"Logan," she called out softly. He squeezed his eyes shut, and she could see his jaw tighten. "Let's get you cleaned up." He didn't move from his spot. She knew she couldn't get him to, so she stood and walked out of the room frustrated. Michael would be there in an hour, and she needed to make sure Logan was okay. How could she not take care of him? How could she fail so miserably at the one thing she knew she was signing up for? Letting those questions fall from her mind, she walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and a straw before making her way back into the bedroom.

"I'm going to need you to drink this," she told him as she sat next to him once again. He groaned as he sat up, complying with her demands as he drank through the straw. His skin was red, and she was starting to worry more than she was earlier when she saw how much he was shaking. It wasn't shivering, it was full on shaking. He couldn't hold the glass without almost spilling, so she held onto it for him.

"We're going to the hospital." Her voice was firm and direct, but her mind was hesitant. But the need for him to be okay outweighed those doubts of if it was necessary. Max had told her several times to not hesitate to take him to the hospital, and this was one of those times.

"Don't wanna go," she heard him say softly before going into a coughing fit. With a sigh, she kissed his forehead as the coughing subsided. She knew he hated hospitals, hated the constant poking and prodding.

"I know you don't," she confirmed, "but you need to. The sooner you get better, the sooner you can get back to your old self." But that old self was no more. Ever since they'd gotten back from their anniversary trip the month prior, it had been nothing but Logan being sick. First, it was strep, then it was anemia again. After that was a simple cold that landed him in the hospital for the third time in a month. At that point, Rory knew what to expect. She knew the answers to all the questions, knew the names to every test they ran and every drug they considered giving him. "I'll run you a bath then pack your bag, okay?" He just nodded, and she knew he understood her concerns.

She let him lay back down for a couple minutes longer as she ran the bath. She knew he'd prefer it to be steaming hot, but the lukewarm nature - she hoped - would cool him down enough. As she made her way back into the bedroom, she grabbed the thermometer. "Time to get up," she told him, helping him into a sitting position and sticking the thermometer in his mouth. Unwrapping him from the blankets, she looked at the flashing numbers, 102.7. It wasn't the highest fever he'd ever had, but it wasn't good. Anything above average wasn't good for Logan given the circumstances. He handed the device back to her, which she placed on the bedside table before helping him out of his shirt.

When she was alone in their room as he took his bath, she sat down for a moment, allowing all those thoughts she'd tried to push out of her mind to flood back. If she had known things were taking a turn for the worse, she would have tried to prepare herself better, but she hadn't so she couldn't. It was draining her, her mom saw it, Finn saw it, even Logan commented on it the last time he was in the hospital.

" _Rory," he said, rousing her from her book. He'd sat down the journal and looked at her. When their eyes met, she didn't know what was happening. She didn't know what she was looking at. She stood from the chair, sitting on the bed next to him and taking his hands in hers. His eyes closed and he swallowed. "Thank you for everything you've been doing. I really appreciate it."_

 _She looked at him, confused. It wasn't the first time he'd thanked her, but this time seemed different. It seemed as if it was the final time he would. She squeezed his hands gently as he opened his eyes. "You're making yourself sick," he then told her. "You're worrying about me too much, you're worrying about Eli. I mean, obviously, you should worry about him, but you need to calm down. He doesn't need both of us sick."_

" _Logan…" she said, still confused. She did admit that her late nights and her worries made her nauseated, made it hard to eat or sleep some days. But she had every right to worry about him, had every right to be upset about what was happening._

" _Ace, listen." And she did. "I love you. You know that, but this is becoming too much for you. If you… If you need to distance yourself…" She cut him off with a searing kiss and tears stinging her eyes. She couldn't believe he was actually telling her it was okay to leave him. She separated their hands, lacing her fingers in his hair. She felt his hand on her waist, the other on the back of her neck. Pulling away, she could see the tear marks on his face._

" _Don't you think for one second that I'd leave you because of this," she told him in a hushed voice. His eyes were still closed, their foreheads pressed together. "I love you too much to even consider it. I want as much time with you as I can." He kissed her, softly this time. Their kisses mingling with the saltiness of the tears on his face._

She smiled, the bittersweet memory in the back of her mind as she stood from the bed and packed a bag for him. A couple tshirts, his journals and some pens, a couple pairs of sweats. She didn't know why she packed clothes considering they typically didn't allow him to wear them depending on the diagnosis. A part of her knew it was because she hoped it was something simple, something easy to treat.

"Ace," he said from the doorway. He was dressed in basketball shorts and a Yale tshirt. "You ready?" His voice was scratchy and he went into another coughing fit, leaning on the doorframe for support. Looking at him, she could see the differences. The shirt hung on him rather than clinging to him as it used to. He was pale, the bronze tan he used to sport long gone. The circles under his eyes still ever present, if not more at that point from his sleepless night spent coughing.

She walked over to him, his arm wrapping around her shoulder as hers wrapped around his waist as they made their way to her Prius. She'd called Michael after packing his bag to let him know they were going to the hospital, then she'd called Max to inform him of the same news.

The ride was silent other than his coughs. They held each other's' hand like their lives depended on it, and she wasn't sure who had the tighter grip. Parking the car in one of the empty spaces, she turned to him.

"I love you," she reminded him with a small smile. He returned to look and the sentiment before coughing yet again.

"It feels like I'm drowning," he admitted to her as they walked into the building. She wanted to close her eyes, wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening, but it was. And she could only assume the worst.

He was admitted right away with minimal paperwork considering the amount she'd done in the past two years. Had it really been two years since he'd come home from London? She knew it had, and it was as if that time had flown by. July of the previous year, she'd been pregnant. And August the year before was when he'd shown up out of the blue with his death sentence. She waited in the waiting room until a nurse brought her to him.

It was a sight she was used to, but that still knocked the wind out of her. He was hooked up to an IV along with several medications that she read the labels on. They were painkillers and antibiotics. He was wearing an oxygen mask, his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling. He wasn't battered, bruised, or scraped. The battle was inside his body. She wanted to reach in, to take away all the pain and all the cancer. But she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to.

"He has double pneumonia," the attending had told her when he'd come in an hour after Logan's admittance. "Max Martinez said he'd be in within the hour to discuss options with you guys." Options? She didn't want to think about what that meant, knowing fully well what it meant. She wasn't ready for hospice care. She didn't want to think about it yet, but it was staring her in the face. It was the embodiment of her husband, of the love of her life, of her Logan laying in the hospital bed at the end of his rope.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Thank you as always for your reviews. Double Pneumonia is not common, and can be fatal for a healthy person. There are officially three chapters left, one of which is already written. Please, keep commenting and reviewing as it comes to a close. It really does mean a lot to me. Enjoy.

He never really recovered from the pneumonia. He did, but at the same time coughs coursed through him like the blood in his veins. They were so natural, so ingrained in him that she hardly noticed anymore until he couldn't breathe. At that point, she brought out the home oxygen tank and placed the mask on his face. His hand held hers as he tried to slow his breathing, his eyes tired and his body frail and worn.

She couldn't help but think back to Paris' original comments at the Yale Daily News all those months ago. Had it really been that long ago? She had been right. He was always in so much pain for one reason or another. It was the aches in his bones that kept him up all night, tossing and turning. It was the scratchiness in his voice after a coughing fit. There were days he couldn't even hold Eli, where he couldn't be touched without his skin feeling like it was on fire and tears in his eyes. This wasn't how she imagined him dying with dignity. She imagined peacefulness and knowing he was going without pain. This was anything but.

That was until Michael came by to discuss the options a week after his discharge from the hospital. They'd already discussed it with Max while Logan was lying in the hospital bed with the oxygen mask practically glued to his face. But when Michael came it was different. He talked pain killers and routines, final wishes, what would be expected as Logan's life slowly dwindled down to his final days. He tried to prepare them, but nothing could. Nothing could have prepared her for when he forgot who she was.

"Logan," she called out when she walked into the house. Michael had told her he'd been up and moving around that day. The caregiver was there almost all day every day at that point, making sure Logan was comfortable, making sure he was safe. She felt bad for monopolizing the man's time, but he assured her multiple times that it was all part of the job, that there were other nurses for other patients. Logan was his.

She carried Eli through the house. It was October, her birthday had been the previous week. Eli was almost a year old. It was crazy how fast time flew. It felt like she'd just given birth, like she'd just found out she got pregnant, like they'd just found out Logan was dying. Sitting him in the playpen where he toddled over to the toys, she smiled. She remembered his first steps, so glad Logan was there to see them. A smile was ingrained on his face for days that followed.

"Hey, Rory," Michael said from the doorway to the kitchen, his hand running through his hair. "Umm. I don't know how to tell you this." Her mind started racing. Obviously, if Logan had died or been sick, Michael's reaction would have been a lot different.

"Just spit it out," she told him, arms crossed over her stomach trying to prepare herself for whatever Michael was trying to avoid saying. She could hear Logan moving around in the kitchen, muttering under his breath. But she couldn't understand what he was saying.

"So, Logan woke up today, and can't really remember the past couple years," he told her. She looked at him confused. "And by the last couple of years, I mean he thinks he's getting ready for Fiji." It felt like the wind was knocked out of her. He thought he had just finished his sophomore year at Yale, he thought he was going on his Fiji trip with Finn and Colin. He hadn't met her yet.

"What do I do?" she finally asked, looking up from the ground to meet Michael's eyes. Was she supposed to go along with it? Was she supposed to remind him who she was? It didn't make sense, any of it. She understood why exactly he couldn't remember. The extent of the memory lapse she was a little shaky on, but she understood that the cancer that was destroying his body was also destroying his mind. It was very similar to dementia patients. It wasn't the first time his memory had lapsed, her remembering that there was a day he couldn't remember Finn's phone number - one that hadn't changed in the nearly ten years Finn had had a phone.

"Go about your daily routine. If he asks who you are, answer him honestly. Answer his questions. He may doubt you, he'll probably get stressed out or agitated. I'll be here for a few more hours. I'll keep an eye on Eli while you gauge where Logan's at. It's going to be hard, Rory," the man finally told her. "It's not easy seeing your loved one like this, but you have to remember that he doesn't. He's going to act like the person he was nearly five years ago." She nodded as Michael walked over to the couch, sitting down and pulling out his notebook.

"Can you call Finn and ask him to come over for me?" she asked Michael, turning to him for a moment. He looked up and nodded as he pulled his phone out of his bag. "Thanks." She turned to face the kitchen again, not ready to walk in. But she made herself go anyway, hearing Michael on the phone with Finn.

He was rummaging through the cabinets, still muttering under his breath. She looked at him as she leaned against the doorway. He was definitely dressed as he would have back in college - khaki pants, loafers, his black sweater. It reminded her of when she played dress up as a child, pretending to be a grown up. But this case was reversed. It was as if he was trying to be younger, reminding her of a man having a midlife crisis. She chuckled at the thought, which startled him. He spun around to look at her.

"Do I know you?" he asked her, puzzled look on his face as he leaned against the counter, relaxing slightly.

"I'm Rory, Emily and Richard's granddaughter," she told him. It wasn't a lie, even though she evaded his question a little bit. She didn't know how he'd react to her saying she was his wife. Five years ago, Logan was a playboy who didn't do commitment. A marriage was definitely something that would freak him out.

"I thought Richard and Emily's granddaughter was younger?" he questioned. Taking a deep breath, she tried thinking of an answer that wouldn't lead to the truth.

"I'm younger than you, yes. Finn should be here soon." Trying to change the topic, he continued to look at her.

"Have we met before? You look really familiar, and I would have remembered seeing you at the Gilmore house." She let her arms fall from her chest, taking a few steps towards him, but not getting too close.

"We met at Yale," she finally said. The years most likely didn't add up in his head. When he was a sophomore at Yale, she was a senior at Chilton. They most likely would never have met had he not taken that year off and attempted sailing the world. He just nodded, still looking confused.

"Why does the calendar say it's October 2008? It should be 2002." She nodded, taking a couple more steps towards him and leaning on the counter next to him.

"No, the calendar's right Logan," she finally told him after a few moments of silence between the two. She could feel his eyes studying her, trying to place her. She knew that he still knew who she was to an extent, the gut feeling he always had. The same vibes that told each other when they were together. "Two years ago, you were diagnosed with cancer. You relapsed, and you chose to not do treatments," she continued. "That's why you think it's 2002, because of the cancer. You know me, better than anybody else." He gave her a confused look. "We're married, Logan. We met the year you went back to Yale." He laughed, and she inwardly cringed. She shouldn't have told him, should have just let him believe it was 2002. She should have walked out that door the minute Michael told her he didn't know who she was, should have let it pass. But she loved him too much to even consider letting him deal with this alone.

"Finn put you up to this didn't he?" he finally said after his laughing died down. "Oh, man. He got me good this time." By some miracle, it was at that moment Finn walked in, looking between the two. "I almost believed the cancer story for a minute, man," he told his friend with a smile.

"Logan," Finn said calmly. She put her hand on Finn's arm, closing her eyes. The Australian took a breath. "Let's go play some pool." She nodded, walking into the living room with Michael still sitting on the couch, Finn and Logan on her tail. Rather than going to the stairs, she went towards Eli, picking him up and holding him close. She saw Logan and Finn stop for a moment, not catching what was being said between the two friends. But she met Logan's eye, and he glanced at their son who was now reaching for him yelling 'da-da.'

She saw him swallow, eyes lingering on Eli. Finn didn't say anything, didn't motion for him to move or tell him that it wasn't an elaborate prank. Michael looked between her, Eli, and Logan but still nobody moved. Eli was still reaching for Logan, and with each passing second, her heart broke even more. All Eli wanted was his dad, and his dad didn't even know who he was. It was one thing to forget who she was, it was a whole other story to forget his own child.

She shared a look with Finn, a look of desperation and silent pleading. Almost like a silent prayer for him to magically remember. But the five just stayed like that, the only noise coming from Eli still calling out for Logan. Hesitantly, he stepped over, and Rory allowed him to take Eli who kissed Logan's cheek like he did every time Logan held him.

She walked over to Finn, letting the two stand there with Michael watching intently. "I don't know what to do, Finn," she told him in a hushed whisper in the hall. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how long this is going to last. When I told him we were married, he thought it was a joke you were pulling before going to Fiji. Yeah, he doesn't even remember you sank his yacht!"

"I'm going to stay the night," he told her after a minute. "You worry about taking care of Eli, take the upstairs bedroom. Me and Logan will stay in the downstairs one, I'll try and talk to him. Maybe I'll be able to jog some of his memory. It's going to be okay, Love." She nodded as he enveloped her in a hug.

"Michael doesn't know how long this is going to last. There's no way to tell for sure, but what if he doesn't remember before…" She choked on the word, not being able to finish her sentence.

"If he doesn't remember tomorrow, call Max. This isn't going to last for the rest of his life." She knew it was an empty promise since they both knew his life wasn't going to last much longer. But Finn had ended up being right. The next day, Logan woke up confused as to why Finn was sleeping in the bed with him and why he wasn't with Rory. He had lost a day, and when he was told of what had happened, he had broken down. Rory had seen him like that several times before, but this was slightly different. He had lost a day during a time where his days were numbered. But Finn had never seen his friend like that before, and Rory had to talk Finn through it when Logan had finally fallen back asleep.

"You stop by once a week, Finn," she told him from her seat at the dining room table. He was seated across from her, both eating bowls of cereal. "There's only been a handful of times he's broken down like that, and it's something you never get used to seeing. You're used to a leader, that's what he was for you guys since Andover. Now, he needs you to be there. He needs you guys to stop by and play pool on the good days. Did you know that until his relapse, he hadn't seen Colin since our wedding. It had been three months since he saw one of his best friends. Finn, he doesn't have much longer, so you guys need to make the most of the time he has left. More than once a week, more than every three months in Colin's case. Do you understand?" He just nodded, staring at the bowl of cereal. She hated that it had come to that, but it had. She had to help him along while his friends flitted in and out of his life. It was time they were there to stay.


	32. Chapter 32

She had gotten through to Finn who had eventually gotten through to Colin. Rather than once a week get togethers, the two were there multiple times a week whether it be to watch a game or play poker or pool. She could tell the difference in Logan who had started to light up more. A smile was nearly always on his face. He had gotten to see Eli's birthday, a moment she was truly grateful for. There were so many pictures she had of the two playing together, celebrating together. There were more of the three of them, of their small family full of love.

But, after Eli's birthday, things went downhill fairly fast. Logan wasn't able to get out of bed most days without help. The coughing had come back with a vengeance, keeping him awake all night, leaving him to sleep most of the days. She still stayed curled to his side, his arm wrapped around her. The oxygen mask had a permanent spot on his face. Finn and Colin's visits consisted of the three huddled in the bedroom, talking about times gone by, leaving Rory to take care of Eli, to talk to her mother, to keep her mind off the fact that it wasn't going to be long before she lost Logan.

"I'm sorry," he said softly one night as she laid next to him. Michael had hooked him up to a morphine drip, the pain having become unbearable. It was five days after Christmas, three days after a perfect day with their families. He hadn't needed the oxygen that day, was able to get up and move around without the pain. It was almost as if, for a Christmas miracle, there was no cancer. "I'm sorry." His voice cracked, and when she looked up, she could see the tears in his eyes.

"Logan, I love you so much. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't choose this. You didn't ask for this." He nodded, pulling her tighter against him.

"I know, but I'm still sorry. I've loved every minute of us being together, and I wish we could have more. I wanted to give you forever, I wanted to give Eli forever. He's not going to remember me, Ace. He's going to hear stories, but he's not going to really remember me." She knew it was hard on Logan. The fact that Eli was going to grow up without him had left him a mess most nights. His mind was focused on the fact that he knew his life was winding down, that his days were severely limited.

"Eli is always going to know who you are," she assured him. She'd done it every day, every time he'd had doubts. "He's going to know how much you loved him. He's going to know that you wanted the world for him." Rather than letting him answer, she kissed him, her hands cupping his face and keeping him close as their lips moved together. They spent that night together, and it felt final. It felt like it was the last time. Their hands lingered on each other, she had to know she'd remember everything about him. She wanted to know that when he was gone that she'd remember how he felt under her fingers, under her lips, moving with her.

When she woke up the next morning, he was peacefully asleep. She traced his face with feather light touches, the feeling of his skin ingrained in her memory - at least she hoped. She knew Eli was still asleep. He took after his father, sleeping like a rock. She wondered if they could sleep through an apocalypse which caused her to laugh to herself.

She stood up, getting dressed in the clothes that had been discarded on the floor the previous night. Glancing at Logan one more time, she walked out of the bedroom and to the kitchen, shutting the door behind her so that she wouldn't wake him. The Pop Tarts had been moved to the counter so that he didn't have to reach to get them. It was one of the many things that had changed to accommodate him. Eating silently, she thought of their conversation the night before, of his fears.

She didn't hear when Michael had come in, so she was startled when he touched her shoulder, pulling her out of her thoughts after finishing her breakfast. "He's asking for you." Looking at the clock, she hadn't realized so much time had passed. Nearly an hour she'd been standing there, thinking of Logan.

She took a deep breath before walking back into the bedroom. Michael had helped him get dressed, a fact she knew since he was sporting a tshirt and sweats. She smiled as she sat next to him, his hand grabbing onto hers as if his life depended on it. There was something different, something she couldn't quite place her finger on. The way he was acting, as if he knew something she didn't.

"Ace," he finally said, breaking the silence and cutting through her thoughts. His voice was soft. "I love you."

"I love you too," she answered as he pulled her in for a kiss. When they separated, she had tears in her eyes. Meeting with his, she saw a peaceful look wash across his face.

"Finn has a box of letters for you, one for Eli as well. They're all labeled so you'll know when to read them. Colin has my will," he told her. "I'm leaving everything to you. An account has been set up for Eli. Not a trust fund, but something that will build upon itself. Everything's been dealt with in regards to funeral arrangements." She didn't understand why he was telling her all that, not at that point. He was still alive, he was still with her. When the time came, all that would be brought to her attention.

"Logan," she started to say, but she was cut off by a sigh. It was then that she realized the difference in him. He was accepting he was dying, and he knew it was coming sooner than later. She had heard of people knowing when they were going to die, but never did she think it would happen with Logan.

"Lay with me." She complied with his request, her head resting on his chest as her eyes fell shut, trying to hold back the tears. His arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer as his other hand ran through her hair.

"Do you remember when we were in the Life and Death Brigade," he said softly. "And we were at the top of the platform, and I took your hand and we jumped? That's what it feels like, kind of. I had thought it would feel more like when I jumped off the cliff in Costa Rica, full of fear. But it's not. It feels safe." She didn't say anything thing, letting him talk about anything and everything. His topics changed from the safety of death to the memories they had. He talked about picking out the house, of asking her mother for permission to propose, of what he loved about her, of what he loved about Eli, of what he hoped for his son. He delved into memories of growing up, of meeting his best friends, of the adventures they went on. His voice was calm, as if he had told the stories a million times before, as if he wasn't dying.

"I want to see Eli," he finally said, breaking the string of topics. She nodded, standing up. She hadn't realized she'd started crying until she was walking up the stairs, feeling the wetness on her cheeks. When she reached the nursery, Eli was sitting up, playing with the stuffed kangaroo Finn had gotten for him for his birthday.

"Let's go see, Daddy," she told him, smiling as she picked him up. It hurt to know Logan wasn't going to be there for the next birthday, for the next milestone, for the next anything. She wanted to curse God, ask Him why it had to be Logan? Why did it have to be him? Of everybody in the world, why did it have to be the one man she loved with every fiber in her being? But she didn't. Instead, she walked down the steps with Eli in her arms, knowing it was most likely going to be a final goodbye.

Michael was adjusting the IV bag when she walked in, looking at her with a solemn look. She sat Eli on the bed where Logan started talking again, holding his son close to him. Eli didn't know of death, didn't know his daddy would be leaving him. She let the two have their moment, walking out into the living room and sitting on the couch. Just a few seconds behind her was Michael.

"This is is isn't it?" she asked him, her head resting in her hands. She felt him sit next to her and heard him sigh.

"Yeah, I think it is. When the body starts shutting down, you can feel it almost. I never told you this, but the reason I became a hospice nurse was because I lost my grandfather several years ago. When he was close to the end, he was a lot like Logan is now. Full of peace and acceptance, wanting to spend as much time with us as he could. Ask Logan about it, and maybe you'll understand it a little bit better." She nodded, letting her mind wander on that topic. It had been something she'd heard about, but she had figured Logan would be different. She'd hoped it, in fact. The idea of knowing when you're going to die terrified her, but the air of peace around Logan made her second guess that fear.

When enough time had passed and when she heard his talking silence, she walked back into the bedroom. Logan was smiling as Eli laid on his chest, half asleep. She took her spot next to him, and he pulled her close.

"What does it feel like?" she asked, taking Michael's advice.

"I know the morphine helps, but I'm not in as much pain. My mind is clear. I'm not afraid. It's almost as if I'm walking in the clouds. Ace, I'm ready. I hate admitting it, but I'm ready to finally not be in pain anymore. I'm ready for it to end, and I'll be honest. That scares me. I'm not ready to leave you or Eli, but I'm ready to be at peace." She had tears in her eyes again, and when she looked up, so did he. They kept looking at each other as he continued. "I love you. I wish I had told you sooner, wished I hadn't wasted time being mad at you or being separated. I wish I had told my father 'no' when it came to London. I have so many regrets of not spending every waking second with you. But there's no way that could have happened. Other than that, I have no regrets. I lived, I conquered, I saw, I loved. I just wish I had more time."

"So do I," she said softly. "I love you." There were no other words that could express how she felt as the three of them laid there. For having so much knowledge, of words being her comfort, she had none. She closed her eyes, trying to think of something, anything to say other than she loved him, but nothing came to mind. Nothing could express her feelings.

She didn't know when Michael had come into the room and taken Eli to the kitchen for breakfast, but when she opened her eyes, Eli wasn't there. She wasn't worried, Michael having done it before. Logan was still awake, looking at her with a smile. "I love you," he told her again, and she reiterated the same message with sadness. Pulling her closer, he kissed her softly.

They stayed in bed, Michael coming in to check on them occasionally. He would bring Eli in and out to see Logan. She didn't leave his side, though. She couldn't bring herself to leave him, scared that when she would come back that he'd be gone. But with Michael's insisting, she left the bedroom to eat. Logan had refused food, saying he wasn't hungry or thirsty. So, she ate in silence by herself before making her way back to his side.

The two had fallen asleep again around nine that night. He'd said goodnight to Eli, telling his son how much he loved him, Michael putting him to bed for them. She held onto Logan, the two telling each other their love, not daring to let go even as she fell asleep. She didn't know how long she'd been asleep until she was gently shaken awake by Michael. Holding back tears, she knew. Before even looking at Logan, she knew he was gone. It was the same way she knew when she woke up alone when he'd left for work, or knowing his mood when he'd come home. She sat up, seeing the fact before her. He looked so peaceful, so calm. And she knew he was finally at peace. He wasn't in pain, he wasn't suffering anymore.

She tried to fight the tears, but they cascaded down her face as sobs shook her body. She clung to him, not wanting to let go, not wanting it to be final. She could pretend he was going to wake up, she could pretend he was just asleep. Her fingers ran through his hair as the tears dripped onto the blanket. Michael said something to her, but she didn't hear what it was. All she wanted was to have Logan back. All she wanted was for him to wake up and to tell her he loved her one more time.

Finally, she felt arms wrap around her, pulling her away from him. She fought against them, fought against whoever was trying to separate her from the man she loved. She was turned around and she clung onto the person for dear life as they took his body away. She couldn't think of him as Logan because what made Logan Logan was gone. Her sobs eventually died down into whimpers as Finn led her upstairs to one of the spare rooms, blocking her view from the pictures on the wall. It was the start of the first year without Logan Huntzberger. It was the start of the rest of her life.


	33. Chapter 33

He wasn't lying when he had told her all the funeral arrangements were dealt with. She didn't have to worry about a single piece in the puzzle of burial. It was Colin sorting things out for him, a final favor for a friend. He'd come over as soon as he heard the news, still in his suit with briefcase in hand. Finn had been sitting with her as she stared at the wall, not fully comprehending the loss. He sat on the other side of her, his arm wrapping around her shoulders. The three of them sat there, not speaking as if the silence would magically bring him back.

She hadn't realized the briefcase had contained Logan's will or the confirmations for the funeral. The only thing Colin had to sort out was the date, Logan having been unable to see that far into the future. She didn't know Finn had brought the boxes with him when he got the call from Michael. There were a lot of things Rory Huntzberger didn't know, and one of them was how she was going to continue on with her life without her other half.

The funeral day came, and she got dressed in a black dress. She looked at herself in the mirror, not for vanity's sake, but rather to question herself. Her eyes were rimmed red, as they'd been in the three days since Logan died. She could see her hands shaking, could see her jaw tighten. She fidgeted with the rings on her hand, the rings she couldn't bear to even think of taking off. He'd put them on her, and he was the only one who could take them off.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Lorelai knocking on the doorframe. Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, she opened them again before turning to her mother. The woman didn't say anything, but rather engulfed her daughter in a hug as the tears spilled over for both of them.

They were pulled out of their thoughts and embrace with Eli calling out for his mom from the doorway, snug in Finn's arms. "Come here, baby," Rory said softly, taking the boy from her friend. Eli kissed her cheek and then started babbling as he always did. She looked between the three other people in the room, fully taking it all in. Lorelai was dressed in jeans and a black blouse, Finn in a suit, Eli was wearing a four-piece baby suit complete with a tie. She'd never seen it before, and could only assume it was from her grandmother.

"Actually, Love," Finn said as she looked at what her son was wearing, "Logan picked that out." She didn't answer, just nodded curtly. Pushing past the two, she made her way out of the bedroom and down the stairs, eyes trying to avoid the pictures. She couldn't bring herself to look at them, having too many memories for her to handle - too many happy times. Holding Eli closer, she realized that Logan was there with her, a being that was half him was right there in her arms. For the first time since he died, she truly looked at her son.

His smile was just like his father's. He was sporting the first tooth of many, and she could remember Logan sitting up with him as he bawled his eyes out from the pain. Despite Logan being exhausted and in pain, he sat up with his son while she slept. His hair was still a platinum blonde, but she knew in a few years it would darken to Logan's dirty blonde. Everything about Eli screamed Logan except his eyes. Those were hers.

She walked out to the car that was waiting for them, buckling Eli into the carseat. Lorelai and Finn were driving separately. Another thing Logan had set up, knowing she needed that space and that time with Eli. She was realizing how precious time really was. Eli was growing up so fast, and before she knew it she'd be alone with him off at college and finding somebody to love like his father had loved her. Two years with Logan after his diagnosis, just over five years total together, and she'd lost him. She'd wanted fifty, hell, she'd wanted eternity, but she'd only gotten five.

As the driver drove, she looked around the car. It reminded her of all the times Frank had driven them, and she knew it was Frank driving her one more time. She'd keep the car service, that she'd decided in that moment. Frank was a part of the family for her, knowing he was affected by the loss of Logan and not just in the business sense. She hadn't noticed the envelope, not right away.

The writing on the front was too familiar, which brought tears to her eyes. The black ink stood out on the cream colored envelope. **For When I Break Your Heart**. With shaking hands, she opened the envelope carefully, slowly peeling the seal open. She swallowed before she started reading it.

 _Lorelai Leigh Huntzberger. It has a ring to it, doesn't it? There's so much I want to tell you, so much I wish I had told you. There was so much I saw for us, we were written in the stars, but even the stars fail at times. I know it feels like you're in the darkness, with no light to guide you. If you're reading this where you should be, look next to you. Eli is your light now. Be strong, Ace, for him. I'm not telling you not to grieve or cry or yell at the world for this. I'm telling you to come home every day for our son, I'm telling you to keep living for him. Your world doesn't start and stop at me, it never has. Don't let it feel like it does. I know I've probably said this a thousand times, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I broke your heart. But don't give up. You're strong, one of the strongest people in the world. You have so many people with you, even if you can't see it right now. Lorelai has always been your rock, lean on her. My father adores you, as does Finn and Colin. Your grandmother - even in her own grief - will be there for you. You two have more in common now, losing your husbands. Stars Hollow will support you. Don't shy away from your home, but don't try to ignore ours. I'm always going to be with you. You'll see me in the corners of your life, in the valleys and the peaks and even in the darkest times. Embrace those moments. Embrace the moments you're able to find me, whether it be in a song lyric or a movie quote. Smile. Be happy. Live. I love you. Logan._

She hadn't realized the extent of her sobs as she finished reading his letter. Her hand clutched her chest, and she could feel her heart breaking all over again. Eli looked at her, reaching out to her, and she softly gripped his hand in hers. The sobs still coursed through her, rocking her. When the car parked, she put the letter back in the envelope and putting it in her purse before pulling Eli out of his car seat.

When she stepped out, she was met with a sight she didn't want to see. People were filing into the funeral home, dressed in black. Some were calm, as if it was a business meeting, others were like her with red rimmed eyes and clutched tissues. She recognized some, others she was sure she'd never seen before in her life.

"Rory," Mitchum said to her as she took her seat in the front row, Eli sitting on her lap. She didn't look at the man, rather, looking at the picture that commemorated her husband, flowers and wreaths surrounding it. His hand came to rest on her shoulder, and she finally looked at him, meeting his eyes. She wanted to turn away, wanted to run crying. Logan got his eyes from his father, and she could remember every time she looked at him. Every time he gave her a cocky smile with that sparkle in his eyes. "I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for pushing me to be a father for my son. I regret not having been there for more of his life, but you helped me be there for what I could. Don't be a stranger, okay?" She just nodded as he took his seat.

Others came up to her, sharing their stories of her husband with her. Some she'd heard before, others she hadn't. She wondered how many of the women there had been bedmates with him. When Finn sat next to her, he rested his hand on her arm. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to see the finality in Finn's eyes. By acknowledging him, she had to finally acknowledge that Logan was gone. She would have to see the grief in their friend's eyes.

Reverend Boatwright stood before them. Logan wasn't religious, but the Reverend had counseled both the Gilmores and the Huntzbergers for the past few years. She saw why he did it, knowing it would bring peace to his father and her grandmother. "I had known Logan since he was born. I baptized him, I counseled him. It's always sad to have somebody ripped away from us, especially in their prime. Logan was only twenty-eight years old when he passed, leaving behind a loving wife and a son. He asked me to recite a few pieces. David Harkins had written this first one. 'You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all he's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see him, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember him and only that he's gone, or you can cherish his memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.' When he and I had sat down to choose what he wanted me to say to you all, I asked him why this particular piece? His answer? I've lived, I've loved, I've conquered. I want them to see what I've done, and not what I'll miss. I want them to remember who I was, not who I could have become. I want them to live on, I want them to carry me with them, not let me hinder them.'

This second piece is instead a quote by Oscar Wilde. 'Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.' Now, Logan's friend of many years, Finn Rothschild would like to say a few words to honor him." She knew that after Finn's speech, she'd be standing there, next to his casket in tears speaking her own mind.

"I've known Logan since we were teenagers," Finn started as soon as he stood to face the crowd. "Almost two years ago, I spoke for him in a different setting, his wedding. Never did I think it would be so soon that I'd be telling you of his life, of how he lived every moment he could. To tell you those things…" His voice cracked, and she cringed, not wanting to see him cry. Finn was supposed to be the strong one, he wasn't supposed to cry. "To tell you the ways he lived wouldn't be what he'd want. I know it sounds odd. I'll tell you of one instance though, where it wasn't a daring adventure or a moment of idiocy. A moment where I saw Logan at peace. It wan's towards the end like one would think when thinking a moment of peace. It was while he was still undergoing treatments. I had barged in unannounced as I had a thousand times before," this statement drawing a chuckle from the solemn crowd. "And I found out that they'd just found out they were having a baby. He told me that day that he knew he wasn't going to be there for everything, and for the first time, he acknowledged what we'd all seen as a looming fate. And he took it in stride every step of the way, with us by his side. There were days where he was afraid, as any of us would be. But many of those days were him being calm, of assuring us that it was going to be okay. Logan was one of my best mates, and I know that he's going to be missed every day." Finn finished, lingering next to Logan's casket, looking at his friend. She heard him mutter something, unable to make out exactly what he'd said. When he sat back down, she handed Eli to him, making her way to the podium, avoiding looking at him.

"I'm Rory," she told the room. "I was his wife. I could tell you who he's leaving behind and who's left before him. I can tell you he'll be missed. I can tell you everything that would be expected. But I can't bring myself to say it. His biggest fear wasn't of death, but of people forgetting him. He was afraid his son would grow up not knowing his father's love. He was afraid of leaving us, but he wasn't afraid of death. Did it upset him, yes. Who would think they're going to die before they're thirty? I ask myself why it had to be him, why it had to happen to somebody like him. I still don't have an answer, I know I never will. I could tell you the science behind it, could tell you every medication he was on, every illness he'd had in the nearly three years of him fighting. But none of that matters." Her knuckles were turning white as she held onto the podium as she felt her knees weaken and tears come to her eyes again. "I can tell you this. He loved his son with his entire being. He loved his family, he loved his friends, he loved his life. He once told me you can live a hundred years, but not truly live for a moment. In his twenty-eight years of life, he'd had millions of those moments where he embraced life to it's fullest, where he'd lived. Where he'd truly lived." Choking on the last word, she started to walk back to her seat, but rather, she turned to him.

He was dressed in a dark blue button down shirt, a black suit, and a lavender tie. His hands were resting on his stomach and she could see his wedding ring. His hair was disheveled as it had been in life. She reached out, fingers lingering on his cheek one last time. She had to remind herself that it wasn't Logan, not really. It was the shell of who he'd been. She'd remembered every touch, every kiss, every 'I love you.' She remembered his laugh, his smile, his smirk. She remembered everything about him, and all she wanted to do was forget. She wanted to forget the heartache, wanted to turn back time and never have met him. She wanted to forget he ever existed, but he had been in her life. He'd been one of the biggest pieces of her life, taking up her heart. As much as she'd wanted to forget, she cried because she wanted him back. She wanted one more minute with him, one more second, one more kiss or touch or hug or assurance of their love.

She removed her hand from his face, holding onto the casket until her mother walked up to take her back to her seat. She clung onto the woman as if she was a child again, reminding her of those times she'd broken down. Those times where Lorelai would drop everything just to console her daughter who, despite a loving husband lying in the next room, had a broken heart. This time, rather than a broken heart, it was shattered, a part of her life forever gone.

Finally came the end of the service where she was placed at the head of Logan's casket with their son, Mitchum and Shira, Elias, Honor, and Josh. The line of people glancing at the body before saying their condolences. Paris, not typically being one for affection, pulled her into a hug. Doyle followed suit. As did the rest of their friends and Stars Hollow. She shook hands with associates and with Life and Death Brigade members. Eli would occasionally reach out to Logan, crying for him. He didn't understand that daddy wouldn't hold him. He didn't understand that daddy wouldn't hug him or kiss him or tell him he loved him. But she did, she understood, which brought more tears to her eyes and cheeks. When everybody had taken their seats again, Finn, Colin, Josh, Zach, Doyle - who could barely reach the handles of the casket - and Mitchum carried the then closed casket to the hearse that would deliver his body to the cemetery where only close friends and family would be there to bury him.

She climbed in the car with Eli again, Frank driving them to the cemetery. The ground was snow covered, which caused a bitter laugh to come from her chest. Snow was supposed to bring good things, not sadness and death. Snow had finally betrayed her, just as Logan had. She didn't understand why he didn't fight harder, try to stay longer. Why did he have to leave her? This thought left her in tears yet again. She didn't want to be mad at him, she didn't want to blame him for his death. But for some reason, a part of her did.

"Ms. Rory," Frank said from the open door. "We're here." She nodded curtly, unbuckling Eli from his carseat yet again and climbing out of the car. Slowly, she approached the hole in the ground, the casket lined up and ready to be lowered. They didn't have chairs, so they all stood there, huddled around the finality. Lorelai, Chris, Luke, Mitchum, Shira, Elias, Finn, Colin, Honor, Josh, Lane, Paris, Doyle, Zach, Rory, Eli, Max, Melanie, Michael. They had been his family, some closer than others. They had taken care of him, had kept him happy and comfortable. They had been the ones that really saw what happened over the course of the two years he fought. Nobody spoke as they lowered him into the ground, watching as they finally laid him to rest. Because of the weather, instead of dropping dirt, they all dropped handfuls of snow and tears, along with roses. She looked at the headstone as Eli started crying and as she tried comforting him through her own tears. _Logan Elias Huntzberger. January 16th, 1983 - January 1st, 2008. Loving husband, father, brother, and friend._


	34. Chapter 34

"Mommy," Eli said softly from beside her bed. She opened her eyes, not really asleep. He climbed up and laid next to her, and she pulled him close. He looked so much like Logan, it hurt to look at him some days.

"Happy birthday, baby," she told him with a small smile. Gently, she kissed the top of his head. "I can't believe how big you're getting." He was turning six, and she couldn't believe how fast time flew. "You look so much like your Daddy, and he would be so proud of you."

She knew it was true. Even though they'd lost Logan barely a year after Eli was born, he held so much love for his son. After every t-ball game, he'd run up to her and give her a hug. Then he'd ask if Daddy saw that or if Daddy would be proud. He asked that a lot, if Daddy would be proud of him. She had no doubt in her mind that Logan would be proud of his son.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to him. I've told you a million times that he loved you, every day he'd tell you he loved you. And when he got sick again, he told me I had to tell you every day for him. So here's a million and one, your daddy loves you so much and he wanted to be here for your birthday." Just like she and her mom had their tradition, she and Eli had theirs.

"I remember the day you were born. It was the day after Thanksgiving. We were at Gram's house laying in bed after finishing our tour de food. Your daddy had his hand on my belly, feeling you kick. He loved to get to feel you kick." A part of her could still feel Logan's hand on her stomach, she could still see the way his face lit up when Eli would kick, could still hear his laugh every time. "And all of a sudden, I knew I was going to have you because it was the worst pain I had ever felt. And your daddy was freaking out! And he rushed us to the hospital and was practically yelling at the nurses at that point that I was having a baby. And then a few short hours later, he held you in his arms with the goofiest look on his face. And he looked at you and told you he loved you for the first time."

"Mommy," Eli said softly. "Do you miss Daddy?"

"All the time buddy. Every day I see you, I miss him. He wanted to watch you grow up, wanted to be your number one fan. He still is, he'll always be your number one fan. You'll always be Logan's boy." She kissed the top of his head as he fell back asleep against her chest. She let the tears roll down her cheeks, but didn't wake him. This was, again, all part of their tradition.

When she woke again a few hours later, she looked at her sleeping son. Today was his birthday, and today was 'Bring Your Daddy to School' day. While he had been excited for it, she had been nervous. His teacher had known about the situation, and had worked with Rory to come up with an alternative.

She felt someone crawl into bed behind her, wrapping their arms around her waist. She knew who it was without having to look. The past five years had been hard on her, her heart always belonging to Logan. Finn always joked that she buried it with him, but they both knew there was fact in that statement. But every year on Eli's birthday, Finn would crawl into bed with them and hold them close. For a minute, she could pretend it was Logan. She could pretend they didn't lose him, and that he was still there and that he was the one holding her.

"Hey," she said softly to him. "You're becoming a stranger," she then joked. He kissed the top of her head, tightening his hold. It reminded her of when Logan would do that, made her chest ache for him.

"You saw me last week, Love," he replied. "How you holding up?" He knew that this was one of the hardest days of the year for her. There were a total of five days that she could barely bring herself to get out of bed - Eli's birthday, Logan's birthday and death day, their anniversary, and Valentine's Day. It didn't mean any of the other days of the year were less painful for her, but those days held some of the most memories both happy and painful.

"I miss him, Finn. You'd think after nearly five years, it would get a little easier." She let go of Eli, knowing she didn't need to wake him up for a little longer. When she sat up, Finn sat up with her, and when she stood and walked into the living room, he followed. Sitting on the couch, she looked around. There were so many reminders of him in the small house, from the pictures to the color of the walls. She couldn't bring herself to change a single thing about the house since he died, and it had practically become her own time capsule, but also her own hell.

"You're going to say that every day, every year, for the rest of your life, Rory," Finn told her. "And it's never going to really get easier, just more bearable. I remember when you guys told me you were pregnant." She smiled as he talked about the memory. "I caught you two in an almost compromising position on the bathroom floor of the apartment in New Haven. And then I saw the tests. At first, I thought you were celebrating a false alarm, leading to my comment about how it would lead to a positive. And then he said it and I knew everything changed."

"It did," she responded. "We never thought we'd have kids given his short amount of time. And then all of a sudden, it was thrust upon us. It was kind of like the jump at the Life and Death Brigade event. One minute we're on the platform, and then the next, the ground is rushing towards us. That's what it felt like all over again."

She looked at Finn as he smiled at her ramblings. He had been there for her for so long. From the first time Logan landed in the hospital after the Costa Rica accident - despite him and Colin joking - she knew he was there for her. She had called him that night, apologizing and asking him to come over. They'd sat on the couch in the apartment, pigging out of pizza and Chinese as he told her everything from the moment they got to the airport to the moment they arrived at the hospital. If she could see herself with anybody after Logan, it was Finn.

She closed her eyes as that thought passed through her mind. No. No. No. She loved Logan. She loved Logan. Loved. Logan was gone.

"You okay?" he asked her, taking her hand in his. She tried to hold back the tears, but she couldn't. She let herself sob, curling into him as he rubbed his hand in circles on her back and held her close. When her sobs died down and when she could no longer cry, she pulled herself away, wiping away the tear-stains. "Rory."

"I'm fine, Finn. I need to go wake Eli up." She had to get those thoughts out of her mind, and she had to avoid his questions a little longer. She made her way through the hallway back to her bedroom. Eli was curled up in a ball, blanket covering him. He looked so peaceful, and she could remember thinking that about Logan a million times.

Kneeling beside the bed, she gently shook him awake. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty," she said softly as he opened his eyes. She still didn't understand how despite looking like Logan in every way - and the same adventurousness and sleeping habits, he had her eyes and curiosity. "Go get dressed. Uncle Finn is getting breakfast ready, and then he's going to school with you today."

"Okay," he mumbled, standing up and walking back to his bedroom. She could smell Finn cooking, glad he was. Eli's birthday held so many traditions for them. It didn't start until he was three when she pulled him out of his bed and took him to hers. Then, when he was five, he started in on the conversations which stayed the same the next year - this year.

She didn't want him growing up afraid to ask about Logan. That's why she told him as many stories as she could, and she'd add to them as he got older. Her fear was always that he'd grow up without his father, and to an extent, it was true. Logan wasn't there, but she made sure that he was in a way. By telling Eli that his dad would be proud or that his dad loved him, she made sure that the unconditional love Logan felt for their son was always there. And she knew the day would come where he'd ask how his dad died, and she'd tell him the whole story. But for now, all he knew was that his daddy was really sick.

She finally pulled herself together enough to stand up and change out of her pajamas into jeans and a Yale t-shirt, one she knew was his from when they first got together. If there was one thing Yale did right, it was make their shirts to last. As she walked back into the living room, she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. The smell of food carried her all the way to the kitchen and she saw a sight that made her smile. Eli was sitting on the counter, helping Finn cook as Finn told him all about Australia.

"Mommy, can we go to Australia with Uncle Finn?" he asked, smile wide. She saw so much hope and life in his eyes.

"Maybe someday," she replied, sitting on one of the bar stools in front of the island.

"Well, if you ever do, you have you're own personal tour guide," Finn replied, smiling at her. This is what it would have been like with Logan. Him making breakfast, Eli helping, and Rory watching as her two boys bonded. Now, it was a different two boys, but it made her happy. Eli had a father figure, not just stories.

Eli continued to sit on the counter with a plate on his lap. Finn took the seat next to Rory, setting her plate down in front of her. The three ate, making conversation. Finn filled them in on the hotel business while Eli told him about his last t-ball game. Rory let the two talk, knowing she was going to talk to Finn later. Plus, Eli hated hearing about the newspaper. That probably had Mitchum rolling in his grave, the new heir wanting nothing to do with the business and Rory choosing not to push him.

They'd lost Mitchum when Eli was four. For her, it was devastating. Mitchum had been in their corner ever since she told him to leave Logan be at the hospital. Despite him pushing his son to continue working, he was a lot calmer. He had been there at their wedding, leaving Shira at home - which she knew made the woman furious. He'd been so excited that they were going to have a baby, had been there just hours after Eli was born apologizing because his flight got delayed. He'd been there for every birthday. She wondered if Logan would have been jealous, his father being there more for his grandson than his own son.

"I'll clean up. Go ahead and take him to school, and I'll see you two at Luke's when you get back," she told them with a smile. She was going to have to call her mother, talk about everything that was going on before actually seeing her. God, why did this have to be so complicated? She grabbed the box of letters, rummaging through until she found the one she was looking for. **For When You Fall In Love**.

A/N: It's weird to think this is my last A/N for this story. It's kind of surreal. I want to start off by saying I'm already working on the sequel. The title is _For When_. I should start posting it within the next few days. It will still be categorized as Rogan, but there will be some Finn/Rory - figured I should warn you, but I hope that doesn't deter you from it at all. I just want to thank you all for the comments and reviews and the support over the past two months as I wrote this. I lost my grandfather to cancer six years ago, and it's coming up on the anniversary of his death which is the reason I wrote this. I've been struggling in my life, not ever having the closure I needed at the time. This was it for me, this is that closure. Your support has been amazing and inspiring. As I writer, the only thing I can hope for is to be able to impact somebody's life even in the smallest ways. I hope I succeeded in that. For one final time for _Don't Say Goodbye_ I hope you enjoyed.


	35. Update

Hello, it's been too long since I've written anything for any of my Gilmore Girls stories, and I do apologize. But I have a good reason, and that's why I'm posting this update. I've been working on Don't Say Goodbye further than I'd ever imagined going with it. Originally, it was an idea to help me cope with the anniversary of my grandfather's death, it was a fanfiction, right? I've almost finished the completed manuscript for Don't Say Goodbye 2.0. It's not longer a fanfiction, but an original work of fiction with a lot of tweaking and detail change. So, I might be having to take down the original work I've posted here. Before I do, I'm going to save all of your comments throughout the chapters. It's you guys as my readers who inspired me to work harder on this than almost anything I've done. It's meant so much to me. I'll keep you posted on what's happening with the hopeful publication.

Dean


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